is it too late to heal?

august 17.. almost a month since the last. sometimes i actually write.. i dont know. im watching judge mathis. its funny. talking to jesse.. blogging.. like old times. im talking to joe on AIM also. i don't even really get the jealousy pang anymore when i see his sn pop on, or when i think about him. this could never have worked. he hates being home. and the fact that he hates home, yet has a gf here is weird.. i think i would always be sad. and now, im not always sad. im sometimes irritated, but michael doesnt hurt me. he doesnt build up my hopes or go away for months at a time. we have this equal partnership where he loves me a lot and i love him a lot, and here we are, sure that we were probably made for each other and.. well.. its not the passionate crazy love like i felt for joe.. its the this is the rest of my life kinda love, not just the rush i get right now kinda love. its ok. it doesnt have to make sense. its just the truth. i am positive that i will always have some tiny piece of myself that hangs onto the idea of joe and gille, but the overwhelming majority of myself will be content to have a partnership with mike. maybe this is the key to a happy marriage.. if there was never really a spark, it cant go out. does it sound like im settling? i am not. i know it sounds like i am, i try to phrase my sentences in such a way that they dont come off like settling, but i cant. i think that it sounds like i'm settling because he we are, addicted to this idea of passionate, spark-enducing love for life, but that doesnt happen. the sparks die. and yr left with disappointment and bitterness. i found my perfect complement. he is everything i am not, and i am everything he is not. we have little in common, except the important stuff. we agree on the big 5 - children (yes), politics (left), money (not important), religion (who cares?) and animals (cats). we can live together and not disagree on whats important to us.. we cant really listen to music together (or, actually, i cant listen to his music), we dont enjoy the same movies.. our personalities are night and day, but we have so much to learn from each other. i encourage him to be more patient, more tolerant, and to let go of what isnt important. he encourages me to think about hings before i do them, to be more patient (in a different way.. like im patient in that i let people talk and i dont get frustrated with them, he is patient in that he thinks before making a decision, rather than being impulsive [like me] and jumping into things).. i dont know. its just what it is, and we are happy. i can spend the days and nights with him. i could not see him tonight or for a week and i would KNOW he isn't cheating on me. because he loves me.

i dont know. this blog was like, my joe log. maybe thats why im not writing anymore.. he isnt a part of my life anymore.

and i dont really miss him.

wow.