Sunday, December 24, 2006
life is a test and i get bad marks
brand new
i'm pretty cranky.
i hate mike.
i'm tired of my life again. i mean, i'm always disappointed in, like, everything. i hate the holidays. i hate the running around, the money spending, the stupidity of everything crashing down. and when it comes, i need to act happy. i need to pretend i'm ok and show all this happiness about the gifts that i probably like, but have no way of showing my appreciation for in my state of mind.
back to mike. we broke up a month ago. i'm in my own place, a single apartment, just me and the kitty. i prefer to be alone. but i'm lonely sometimes. like now. anyway i spent about 3 hours earlier burning cds for him. i asked for ice cream in return. he calls me at 10 to ask if he can just come over tomorrow, have breakfast and hang out. i have to go to my mothers in the morning. i have family obligations. it's christmas fucking eve, you know. he doesn't bring my ice cream. he basically came over to use me for my wrapping paper, and then go to a party with dan. yah, dan he doesn't like. dan who he bitched to me about for like AN HOUR last week because he feels like he always has to "entertain" dan. so a run-by wrapping and he's gone. with NO FUCKING ICE CREAM. so i basically ignore him the whole time he's here. and on the way out, he's clearly upset with me. so i say, "why are YOU mad at ME!?" and he just ughs at me. so as he's walking out the door i say, "you're not the lowest priority in *my* life." and he just leaves. walks out. fine. goodbye. don't call me later, drunk. don't call me at all.
this is why you are alone, because yr selfish and a dickface. i drop everything to go shopping with you last night. i sit here making cds for you all evening. and you can't fucking manage to get to carvel before they close at 10? because yr an asshole. that's why. i'm tired of dropping everything all the time, for being there for everyone who simply cannot be there for me. i'm fucking tired.
and then there's christmas. you have nothing to do, so i invite you to my dad's. but you flake when yr cousin, who, incidently, you ALSO hate, invites you to his home. ooook. great. i don't want you there, anyway.
i'm so over my life.
i hate mike.
i'm tired of my life again. i mean, i'm always disappointed in, like, everything. i hate the holidays. i hate the running around, the money spending, the stupidity of everything crashing down. and when it comes, i need to act happy. i need to pretend i'm ok and show all this happiness about the gifts that i probably like, but have no way of showing my appreciation for in my state of mind.
back to mike. we broke up a month ago. i'm in my own place, a single apartment, just me and the kitty. i prefer to be alone. but i'm lonely sometimes. like now. anyway i spent about 3 hours earlier burning cds for him. i asked for ice cream in return. he calls me at 10 to ask if he can just come over tomorrow, have breakfast and hang out. i have to go to my mothers in the morning. i have family obligations. it's christmas fucking eve, you know. he doesn't bring my ice cream. he basically came over to use me for my wrapping paper, and then go to a party with dan. yah, dan he doesn't like. dan who he bitched to me about for like AN HOUR last week because he feels like he always has to "entertain" dan. so a run-by wrapping and he's gone. with NO FUCKING ICE CREAM. so i basically ignore him the whole time he's here. and on the way out, he's clearly upset with me. so i say, "why are YOU mad at ME!?" and he just ughs at me. so as he's walking out the door i say, "you're not the lowest priority in *my* life." and he just leaves. walks out. fine. goodbye. don't call me later, drunk. don't call me at all.
this is why you are alone, because yr selfish and a dickface. i drop everything to go shopping with you last night. i sit here making cds for you all evening. and you can't fucking manage to get to carvel before they close at 10? because yr an asshole. that's why. i'm tired of dropping everything all the time, for being there for everyone who simply cannot be there for me. i'm fucking tired.
and then there's christmas. you have nothing to do, so i invite you to my dad's. but you flake when yr cousin, who, incidently, you ALSO hate, invites you to his home. ooook. great. i don't want you there, anyway.
i'm so over my life.
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