Saturday, March 11, 2006
wednesday.
i'm driving home and i'm thinking of you. i don't know why. i feel like talking to you. i decide i will im you when i get home, if yr there. i turn on the computer, i go in the bathroom, i come out and there.. right there.. is an im.. from YOU. insane. unbelievable.
(backstory) when i was in 11th grade, i was friends with this girl jen. she had a birthday sleepover party about this time that year (1997), which i attended. i had recently been in touch with mark again, and mentioned i was going to a party at jen's house. he decided to look her up in the phone book and find her house and show up with beer to crash. because he was an asshole like that. i saw kurt a couple weeks ago, and i told him that jen (his exgf, my ex-friend) was friends with suzanne (joe's gf back in 1997). he must've mentioned it to her.
so i guess jen thought mark was you and told suzanne and you had to tell me. so we talked. and then we talked about life. and that turned into relationships. and my displeasure in mine as late. and yr fear of commitment.. and then it was us. the spark, the passion, how i have always had you figured out... our pathes meant to cross constantly...
on myspace today, a comment from you: ".complex."
a) this will become a battle when mike sees the comment. i am not looking forward to it, but have it planned out in my head.
b) talking about the sparks of 8 mile elicit those same butterflies and electricty.
c) yr in my fucking head. i can't get you out. i hear yr name constantly in my thoughts.
in other news, i tried to gold mike's hnd at the movies tonight (we finally saw capote) and it felt like pulling teeth. he couldn't hold it, he fidgets constantly. i cried a little in the dark of the theater. it was a sad part, so there were no questions asked. i feel nothing anymore. our relationship is dead, and this is the phase of it where neither of us are happy, but neither of us wants to be the one to announce the death of our home and our future. i fantasized about him coming home and telling me he met someone else yesterday. we have a long time left on this lease, and we've been fighting constantly since january. i feel little attraction, i don't even want to kiss him anymore. it hurts a little. i'm a mess over the death of my relationship, and i think we are past the point of fixing our flaws. argh.
and, in still other news, someone sideswiped my car while we were watching the aforementioned film. needless to say they didn't leave any info. my car looks like shit. a perfect end to the evening, let me tell you. but it prevented any awkward discussion of the unhappiness i was exhibiting in the movies, which is awesome. i don't want to talk about it. i'm tired of talking about the same things....
there is anxiety brewing in the pit of my belly.
i will sleep.
i'm driving home and i'm thinking of you. i don't know why. i feel like talking to you. i decide i will im you when i get home, if yr there. i turn on the computer, i go in the bathroom, i come out and there.. right there.. is an im.. from YOU. insane. unbelievable.
(backstory) when i was in 11th grade, i was friends with this girl jen. she had a birthday sleepover party about this time that year (1997), which i attended. i had recently been in touch with mark again, and mentioned i was going to a party at jen's house. he decided to look her up in the phone book and find her house and show up with beer to crash. because he was an asshole like that. i saw kurt a couple weeks ago, and i told him that jen (his exgf, my ex-friend) was friends with suzanne (joe's gf back in 1997). he must've mentioned it to her.
so i guess jen thought mark was you and told suzanne and you had to tell me. so we talked. and then we talked about life. and that turned into relationships. and my displeasure in mine as late. and yr fear of commitment.. and then it was us. the spark, the passion, how i have always had you figured out... our pathes meant to cross constantly...
on myspace today, a comment from you: ".complex."
a) this will become a battle when mike sees the comment. i am not looking forward to it, but have it planned out in my head.
b) talking about the sparks of 8 mile elicit those same butterflies and electricty.
c) yr in my fucking head. i can't get you out. i hear yr name constantly in my thoughts.
in other news, i tried to gold mike's hnd at the movies tonight (we finally saw capote) and it felt like pulling teeth. he couldn't hold it, he fidgets constantly. i cried a little in the dark of the theater. it was a sad part, so there were no questions asked. i feel nothing anymore. our relationship is dead, and this is the phase of it where neither of us are happy, but neither of us wants to be the one to announce the death of our home and our future. i fantasized about him coming home and telling me he met someone else yesterday. we have a long time left on this lease, and we've been fighting constantly since january. i feel little attraction, i don't even want to kiss him anymore. it hurts a little. i'm a mess over the death of my relationship, and i think we are past the point of fixing our flaws. argh.
and, in still other news, someone sideswiped my car while we were watching the aforementioned film. needless to say they didn't leave any info. my car looks like shit. a perfect end to the evening, let me tell you. but it prevented any awkward discussion of the unhappiness i was exhibiting in the movies, which is awesome. i don't want to talk about it. i'm tired of talking about the same things....
there is anxiety brewing in the pit of my belly.
i will sleep.
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