Friday, December 31, 2004
just here to wish 2004 good riddance. perhaps more later.
Monday, December 27, 2004
let me preface the following statement by sayiing i am watching the rules of attraction:
i would never ever slit my wrists. ever. to watch myself die? i could never. never never never. that is fucking intense. i do not want to witness my own death. at all.
thanks.
i would never ever slit my wrists. ever. to watch myself die? i could never. never never never. that is fucking intense. i do not want to witness my own death. at all.
thanks.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
*i'll keep this as a constant reminder of the nights i spent holding onto [him].. and rest assured im moving on i miss you less with each day yr gone*
matchbook romance
so my new favorite band.
anyway. "new years project" by further seems forever is on now. christmas was pretty good. i got some good life cds. some dvds (including my mom preordered garden state on amazon YAY), a digital camera.. a down comforter.. some snapple lip balm (so good!). a lot of books. a lot of candy. candles. today we watched mean girls and office space. i also got 21 grams, napoleon dynamite, and a cure dvd. i havent seen napoleon dynamite but i heard it was really funny. i might watch it tonight. or maybe 21 grams, cos i never saw the end. i cant wait for garden state to come in the mail. oooh "the greatest fall of all time" is on again! (song from above) woo. my little musicmatch thing knows what i like hehe.
ooh and my bro got me a memory card for my ps2. that rocked. i played a bunch of tony hawk last night. i was chad muska, and i got some good scores. joe is leaving tomorrow, so we wont be playing. which is good, cos i dont want to see him. i dont even care anymore. like i said yesterday.. thats a way weird feeling. im worried that he will get in touch with me tomorrow and want to play (he wont, i dont even know why im thinking about it). i wonder how long it will be before he gets in touch with me. cos im not getting in touch with him. i mean it, too.
im going to watch movies now.
matchbook romance
so my new favorite band.
anyway. "new years project" by further seems forever is on now. christmas was pretty good. i got some good life cds. some dvds (including my mom preordered garden state on amazon YAY), a digital camera.. a down comforter.. some snapple lip balm (so good!). a lot of books. a lot of candy. candles. today we watched mean girls and office space. i also got 21 grams, napoleon dynamite, and a cure dvd. i havent seen napoleon dynamite but i heard it was really funny. i might watch it tonight. or maybe 21 grams, cos i never saw the end. i cant wait for garden state to come in the mail. oooh "the greatest fall of all time" is on again! (song from above) woo. my little musicmatch thing knows what i like hehe.
ooh and my bro got me a memory card for my ps2. that rocked. i played a bunch of tony hawk last night. i was chad muska, and i got some good scores. joe is leaving tomorrow, so we wont be playing. which is good, cos i dont want to see him. i dont even care anymore. like i said yesterday.. thats a way weird feeling. im worried that he will get in touch with me tomorrow and want to play (he wont, i dont even know why im thinking about it). i wonder how long it will be before he gets in touch with me. cos im not getting in touch with him. i mean it, too.
im going to watch movies now.
Friday, December 24, 2004
these words, fall from yr mouth and stab me in the back. it should have never come to this. it's too late, for yr apologies they cant bring back all that you've taken from me, stripped of my pride, and left for dead.. this time is the last time i take this abuse. i've found my place, and this place is far away from you. how can you say, im at fault? the one to blame is you. stripped of my pride, and left for dead.. im so tired of apologizing to myself for you and what you've done to me.. and ive tried to forgive myself for caring about you, theres nothing i can do.. theres nothing i can do.. theres nothing i can do.. this time is the last time i take this abuse i've found my place, and this place is far away from you.. im so tired of apologizing to myself for you and what you've done to me.. and ive tried, to forgive myself for caring about you, theres nothing i can do.. im so tired of apologizing to myself for you and what you've done to me.. and ive tried, to forgive myself for caring about you, theres nothing i can do..
matchbook romance
long time no write for me. oops. well things are like bleh. im very much feeling over joe, which is this mixture of happy and sad. its like, disappointing, more than anything else. im disappointed in myself. but its ok, im not dwelling. i dont even want to see him, it feels so weird. part of me does, yah, but most of me is like fuck that. so whatever, he is gone from my head, at least for now. i have been listening to a lot of matchbook romance lately. one of the kids at school recommended it to me. smart boy!
i have no christmas spirit. its weird. im like.. i dont know. just broke, and im not the happiest girl in the world right now (though i am considerably more happy than i had been since i moved home). i did all my xmas shopping yesterday and today. i still have to get for twon, gaston, and my cousin annemarie.. but i ran out of money so they will have to wait. take that. oooh "car" by brand new just came on. i burned a bunch of my cds onto my computer, so now i listen to music in the house again YAY.
i surprisingly feel like i have nothing to day, despite the fact that i dont even think i have been to my blog in a month. everything is pretty level right now. no drama to report. its killing me to have no drama, actually. im like aching for something dramatic to happen. ooooh im so excited bc garden state comes out on dvd this week. on the 28th. i am soooo all over that. 4 days 4 days! im going to watch it every single day for the rest of my life.
im home alone now. im pretty happy about that. i dont really know what to do with myself. i might watch donnie darko. twon lent it to me, and i think im going to the city this week. i havent watched it yet, so i should, since he made me take it home with me when i said i hadnt seen it. i also have to remember to bring his books back. i have choke and lullaby.
im really cold. what else is new? its december, so naturally i will be complaining of the cold for the next three months. UGH. that feels so dismal. i am hoping that the time flies. so far it has been moving pretty quickly, and that is very good. "all down here from here" is on now, but the acoustic version. soo gooood. i love my new computer. i also love new found glory. <3
the christmas eve festivities are going to begin around 8. so i have another hour and a half. im typing pretty slow, i think, the song has changed again, its now "23" by jimmy eat world. i heard this song on the last episode of one tree hill, before it went on its godforskaen motherfucking hiatus. but im not upset about it. grrrr.. anyway so yah, and i was excited bc i heard "kill" the week before and bought the cd. and "pain" is on tony hawk underground 2. as is "midlife crisis" by faith no more, which makes me very happy. anyway, i saw jimmy eat world on my 18th bday at like coney island high in the city. and i havent liked them since, but this new record has impressed me. i actually really like this song, a lot. its emo. i love emo.
i am worried bc i cant find my dashboard places you have come to fear the most cd. it must be here in this mess somewhere, i just dot know where. but i miss it incredibly so i need to get on finding it. maybe that will be incentive to clean my room.
i am ending this now. hopefully to report more later, like a gift log. woo.
matchbook romance
long time no write for me. oops. well things are like bleh. im very much feeling over joe, which is this mixture of happy and sad. its like, disappointing, more than anything else. im disappointed in myself. but its ok, im not dwelling. i dont even want to see him, it feels so weird. part of me does, yah, but most of me is like fuck that. so whatever, he is gone from my head, at least for now. i have been listening to a lot of matchbook romance lately. one of the kids at school recommended it to me. smart boy!
i have no christmas spirit. its weird. im like.. i dont know. just broke, and im not the happiest girl in the world right now (though i am considerably more happy than i had been since i moved home). i did all my xmas shopping yesterday and today. i still have to get for twon, gaston, and my cousin annemarie.. but i ran out of money so they will have to wait. take that. oooh "car" by brand new just came on. i burned a bunch of my cds onto my computer, so now i listen to music in the house again YAY.
i surprisingly feel like i have nothing to day, despite the fact that i dont even think i have been to my blog in a month. everything is pretty level right now. no drama to report. its killing me to have no drama, actually. im like aching for something dramatic to happen. ooooh im so excited bc garden state comes out on dvd this week. on the 28th. i am soooo all over that. 4 days 4 days! im going to watch it every single day for the rest of my life.
im home alone now. im pretty happy about that. i dont really know what to do with myself. i might watch donnie darko. twon lent it to me, and i think im going to the city this week. i havent watched it yet, so i should, since he made me take it home with me when i said i hadnt seen it. i also have to remember to bring his books back. i have choke and lullaby.
im really cold. what else is new? its december, so naturally i will be complaining of the cold for the next three months. UGH. that feels so dismal. i am hoping that the time flies. so far it has been moving pretty quickly, and that is very good. "all down here from here" is on now, but the acoustic version. soo gooood. i love my new computer. i also love new found glory. <3
the christmas eve festivities are going to begin around 8. so i have another hour and a half. im typing pretty slow, i think, the song has changed again, its now "23" by jimmy eat world. i heard this song on the last episode of one tree hill, before it went on its godforskaen motherfucking hiatus. but im not upset about it. grrrr.. anyway so yah, and i was excited bc i heard "kill" the week before and bought the cd. and "pain" is on tony hawk underground 2. as is "midlife crisis" by faith no more, which makes me very happy. anyway, i saw jimmy eat world on my 18th bday at like coney island high in the city. and i havent liked them since, but this new record has impressed me. i actually really like this song, a lot. its emo. i love emo.
i am worried bc i cant find my dashboard places you have come to fear the most cd. it must be here in this mess somewhere, i just dot know where. but i miss it incredibly so i need to get on finding it. maybe that will be incentive to clean my room.
i am ending this now. hopefully to report more later, like a gift log. woo.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
i just noticed that the end of my nov 28 post has disappeared. wierd!
*im not looking for a lover.. all those lovers are liars*
cursive
the infomercials just began on court tv. that means my television viewing for the evening has come to an end. its 4 am. i guess i should just go to bed. eh.
this weekend has been alright. last night i saw joe. i went out to see cast aside, and his band was playing. cast aside cancelled. it was kind of weird.. i mean, we talked.. and he told me he is miserable home, a mess, etc.. hes trying to get out of going to cali with laura.. drama drama drama. it was sort of awkward, but i didnt get sad or anything. i went alone. i watched them play, then i couldnt find joe to say goodbye, so i watched marathon.. then i found him, i went and gave him a hug and told him we should get together while he's home to play some tony hawk. he said definitely, and he gave me another hug. i left. i went to perhaps get a tattoo, but kurt was busy. went home for a few, then i went to borders to meet up with brian and gaston. some other of their friends were there, too.. we went to get food at some restaurant. blah blah blah. then i came home, and i went to bed at 1230. today i slept till 230 (!!!).. 14 hours, intense yo. i got up, played on the internet for a while. got in touch with gaston, and then i met him at borders again at 6. we went to starbucks, which i was against, and talked for a while, then val called me, so we went and picked her up in syosset. came back here, gaston and i played thug 2, val read my book. then we went over to meet up with brie and brian. um.. went to the diner. then gaston went with brie and brian, and i drove val home. now i am here. i did three or four crosswords. im fucking tired.
i wanna go to alantic city with derek so bad. he told me he has to wait for his luck to return, but i say eff that, cos i wanna go soooon. actually, i may try to get him to go during the xmas break, that way he wouldnt have to take off work, and niether would i. but then, i dont have any money. and i dont think i will, esp right after xmas. this year will be a very thin holiday for me.. im so broke, this sucks. i am trying to budget, but i owe so much money... ugh ugh ugh. but i really wanna go. and with derek. because i adore him.
blah blah blah. i kind of have to pee.
im so fucking tired. for some reason, though, i cant stop writing. about nothing. i mean, i dont even have much joe drama to talk about. i miss him, but i didnt get sad or feel that intense draw that i usually feel around him yesterday. is this what getting over somebody feels like? do i not care anymore? am i resigned to being lost?
fucking.. kim. have i mentioned this? she hasnt called me back in two weeks. TWO weeks. eff that. so i called her monday, and she came to the phone and she was being shady, said she'd call me back.. an hour later, still hadnt called me, so i called her again and she copped an attitude, all bitchy she was like "im on the phone!" but i didnt know that.. when her mom had handed her the phone the first time i called, she said "the charge light is on, the battery will probably die" so i figured when she said shed call me back, she was gonna call me right back from her cell. whatever. she STILL hasnt called me back. i dont even get it. i havent done anything to deserve this. i keep trying to call her at home, but no one is ever home. i could handle walking away from our stupid friendship if i knew why she was ignoring me/not calling me back/avoiding me, but i cat walk away not knowing why. cos seriously, the last time i saw her, which was like 2.5 weeks ago, she kept me up til 2am telling me about all her drama, and how unhappy she is with gonzo, etc.. so. i mean, i havent done anything wrong. i didnt hurt her. i could not have made her angry. and the thing is, i know kim, and i know that rather than talk to me and rish confrontation, she will just NEVER call me again. im ready to just show up at her house and MAKE her talk to me. this is bullshit. we have been bff for like over two years, and all the sudden she bails on me in a serious time of need? did she do something to ME? has she done something that will really hurt me? i cant think of anything. i mean, i would say maybe she slept with joe, but a) she hates him wayyyy too much for that and b) he was on tour till three days ago. maybe she got a boyfriend. maybe shes seeing grant. whatever. im calling her again tomorrow. then monday. then tuesday. till she fucking answers me. im persistant. this people should know about me.
anyway. im going to bed. i have to pee, still, so i guess ill do that first. my eyes burn. i hope i dont sleep too late tomorrow. i will be sorry when i cant fall asleep. but i have nothing to do all day. maybe i will start my xmas shopping. eh. i dunno. blah. maybe ill text joe, see if he wants to meet me at the mall. nice nuetral, sex-free environment. i think he maybe went into the city to try and figure out how not to go to CA with laura.. he mentioned yesterday that he was supposed to hang out with her yesterday or today, cos she was mad he hadnt wanted to see her since he got home. oh, wait, thats cos he is in love with arizona, now. i thought it would be funny if she moved to ny for him, and he gave her up, too. since he is a jerk like that. and a slut.
oh yah, bed.
xoxo.
cursive
the infomercials just began on court tv. that means my television viewing for the evening has come to an end. its 4 am. i guess i should just go to bed. eh.
this weekend has been alright. last night i saw joe. i went out to see cast aside, and his band was playing. cast aside cancelled. it was kind of weird.. i mean, we talked.. and he told me he is miserable home, a mess, etc.. hes trying to get out of going to cali with laura.. drama drama drama. it was sort of awkward, but i didnt get sad or anything. i went alone. i watched them play, then i couldnt find joe to say goodbye, so i watched marathon.. then i found him, i went and gave him a hug and told him we should get together while he's home to play some tony hawk. he said definitely, and he gave me another hug. i left. i went to perhaps get a tattoo, but kurt was busy. went home for a few, then i went to borders to meet up with brian and gaston. some other of their friends were there, too.. we went to get food at some restaurant. blah blah blah. then i came home, and i went to bed at 1230. today i slept till 230 (!!!).. 14 hours, intense yo. i got up, played on the internet for a while. got in touch with gaston, and then i met him at borders again at 6. we went to starbucks, which i was against, and talked for a while, then val called me, so we went and picked her up in syosset. came back here, gaston and i played thug 2, val read my book. then we went over to meet up with brie and brian. um.. went to the diner. then gaston went with brie and brian, and i drove val home. now i am here. i did three or four crosswords. im fucking tired.
i wanna go to alantic city with derek so bad. he told me he has to wait for his luck to return, but i say eff that, cos i wanna go soooon. actually, i may try to get him to go during the xmas break, that way he wouldnt have to take off work, and niether would i. but then, i dont have any money. and i dont think i will, esp right after xmas. this year will be a very thin holiday for me.. im so broke, this sucks. i am trying to budget, but i owe so much money... ugh ugh ugh. but i really wanna go. and with derek. because i adore him.
blah blah blah. i kind of have to pee.
im so fucking tired. for some reason, though, i cant stop writing. about nothing. i mean, i dont even have much joe drama to talk about. i miss him, but i didnt get sad or feel that intense draw that i usually feel around him yesterday. is this what getting over somebody feels like? do i not care anymore? am i resigned to being lost?
fucking.. kim. have i mentioned this? she hasnt called me back in two weeks. TWO weeks. eff that. so i called her monday, and she came to the phone and she was being shady, said she'd call me back.. an hour later, still hadnt called me, so i called her again and she copped an attitude, all bitchy she was like "im on the phone!" but i didnt know that.. when her mom had handed her the phone the first time i called, she said "the charge light is on, the battery will probably die" so i figured when she said shed call me back, she was gonna call me right back from her cell. whatever. she STILL hasnt called me back. i dont even get it. i havent done anything to deserve this. i keep trying to call her at home, but no one is ever home. i could handle walking away from our stupid friendship if i knew why she was ignoring me/not calling me back/avoiding me, but i cat walk away not knowing why. cos seriously, the last time i saw her, which was like 2.5 weeks ago, she kept me up til 2am telling me about all her drama, and how unhappy she is with gonzo, etc.. so. i mean, i havent done anything wrong. i didnt hurt her. i could not have made her angry. and the thing is, i know kim, and i know that rather than talk to me and rish confrontation, she will just NEVER call me again. im ready to just show up at her house and MAKE her talk to me. this is bullshit. we have been bff for like over two years, and all the sudden she bails on me in a serious time of need? did she do something to ME? has she done something that will really hurt me? i cant think of anything. i mean, i would say maybe she slept with joe, but a) she hates him wayyyy too much for that and b) he was on tour till three days ago. maybe she got a boyfriend. maybe shes seeing grant. whatever. im calling her again tomorrow. then monday. then tuesday. till she fucking answers me. im persistant. this people should know about me.
anyway. im going to bed. i have to pee, still, so i guess ill do that first. my eyes burn. i hope i dont sleep too late tomorrow. i will be sorry when i cant fall asleep. but i have nothing to do all day. maybe i will start my xmas shopping. eh. i dunno. blah. maybe ill text joe, see if he wants to meet me at the mall. nice nuetral, sex-free environment. i think he maybe went into the city to try and figure out how not to go to CA with laura.. he mentioned yesterday that he was supposed to hang out with her yesterday or today, cos she was mad he hadnt wanted to see her since he got home. oh, wait, thats cos he is in love with arizona, now. i thought it would be funny if she moved to ny for him, and he gave her up, too. since he is a jerk like that. and a slut.
oh yah, bed.
xoxo.
Subscribe to Comments [Atom]