Sunday, December 05, 2004
*im not looking for a lover.. all those lovers are liars*
cursive
the infomercials just began on court tv. that means my television viewing for the evening has come to an end. its 4 am. i guess i should just go to bed. eh.
this weekend has been alright. last night i saw joe. i went out to see cast aside, and his band was playing. cast aside cancelled. it was kind of weird.. i mean, we talked.. and he told me he is miserable home, a mess, etc.. hes trying to get out of going to cali with laura.. drama drama drama. it was sort of awkward, but i didnt get sad or anything. i went alone. i watched them play, then i couldnt find joe to say goodbye, so i watched marathon.. then i found him, i went and gave him a hug and told him we should get together while he's home to play some tony hawk. he said definitely, and he gave me another hug. i left. i went to perhaps get a tattoo, but kurt was busy. went home for a few, then i went to borders to meet up with brian and gaston. some other of their friends were there, too.. we went to get food at some restaurant. blah blah blah. then i came home, and i went to bed at 1230. today i slept till 230 (!!!).. 14 hours, intense yo. i got up, played on the internet for a while. got in touch with gaston, and then i met him at borders again at 6. we went to starbucks, which i was against, and talked for a while, then val called me, so we went and picked her up in syosset. came back here, gaston and i played thug 2, val read my book. then we went over to meet up with brie and brian. um.. went to the diner. then gaston went with brie and brian, and i drove val home. now i am here. i did three or four crosswords. im fucking tired.
i wanna go to alantic city with derek so bad. he told me he has to wait for his luck to return, but i say eff that, cos i wanna go soooon. actually, i may try to get him to go during the xmas break, that way he wouldnt have to take off work, and niether would i. but then, i dont have any money. and i dont think i will, esp right after xmas. this year will be a very thin holiday for me.. im so broke, this sucks. i am trying to budget, but i owe so much money... ugh ugh ugh. but i really wanna go. and with derek. because i adore him.
blah blah blah. i kind of have to pee.
im so fucking tired. for some reason, though, i cant stop writing. about nothing. i mean, i dont even have much joe drama to talk about. i miss him, but i didnt get sad or feel that intense draw that i usually feel around him yesterday. is this what getting over somebody feels like? do i not care anymore? am i resigned to being lost?
fucking.. kim. have i mentioned this? she hasnt called me back in two weeks. TWO weeks. eff that. so i called her monday, and she came to the phone and she was being shady, said she'd call me back.. an hour later, still hadnt called me, so i called her again and she copped an attitude, all bitchy she was like "im on the phone!" but i didnt know that.. when her mom had handed her the phone the first time i called, she said "the charge light is on, the battery will probably die" so i figured when she said shed call me back, she was gonna call me right back from her cell. whatever. she STILL hasnt called me back. i dont even get it. i havent done anything to deserve this. i keep trying to call her at home, but no one is ever home. i could handle walking away from our stupid friendship if i knew why she was ignoring me/not calling me back/avoiding me, but i cat walk away not knowing why. cos seriously, the last time i saw her, which was like 2.5 weeks ago, she kept me up til 2am telling me about all her drama, and how unhappy she is with gonzo, etc.. so. i mean, i havent done anything wrong. i didnt hurt her. i could not have made her angry. and the thing is, i know kim, and i know that rather than talk to me and rish confrontation, she will just NEVER call me again. im ready to just show up at her house and MAKE her talk to me. this is bullshit. we have been bff for like over two years, and all the sudden she bails on me in a serious time of need? did she do something to ME? has she done something that will really hurt me? i cant think of anything. i mean, i would say maybe she slept with joe, but a) she hates him wayyyy too much for that and b) he was on tour till three days ago. maybe she got a boyfriend. maybe shes seeing grant. whatever. im calling her again tomorrow. then monday. then tuesday. till she fucking answers me. im persistant. this people should know about me.
anyway. im going to bed. i have to pee, still, so i guess ill do that first. my eyes burn. i hope i dont sleep too late tomorrow. i will be sorry when i cant fall asleep. but i have nothing to do all day. maybe i will start my xmas shopping. eh. i dunno. blah. maybe ill text joe, see if he wants to meet me at the mall. nice nuetral, sex-free environment. i think he maybe went into the city to try and figure out how not to go to CA with laura.. he mentioned yesterday that he was supposed to hang out with her yesterday or today, cos she was mad he hadnt wanted to see her since he got home. oh, wait, thats cos he is in love with arizona, now. i thought it would be funny if she moved to ny for him, and he gave her up, too. since he is a jerk like that. and a slut.
oh yah, bed.
xoxo.
cursive
the infomercials just began on court tv. that means my television viewing for the evening has come to an end. its 4 am. i guess i should just go to bed. eh.
this weekend has been alright. last night i saw joe. i went out to see cast aside, and his band was playing. cast aside cancelled. it was kind of weird.. i mean, we talked.. and he told me he is miserable home, a mess, etc.. hes trying to get out of going to cali with laura.. drama drama drama. it was sort of awkward, but i didnt get sad or anything. i went alone. i watched them play, then i couldnt find joe to say goodbye, so i watched marathon.. then i found him, i went and gave him a hug and told him we should get together while he's home to play some tony hawk. he said definitely, and he gave me another hug. i left. i went to perhaps get a tattoo, but kurt was busy. went home for a few, then i went to borders to meet up with brian and gaston. some other of their friends were there, too.. we went to get food at some restaurant. blah blah blah. then i came home, and i went to bed at 1230. today i slept till 230 (!!!).. 14 hours, intense yo. i got up, played on the internet for a while. got in touch with gaston, and then i met him at borders again at 6. we went to starbucks, which i was against, and talked for a while, then val called me, so we went and picked her up in syosset. came back here, gaston and i played thug 2, val read my book. then we went over to meet up with brie and brian. um.. went to the diner. then gaston went with brie and brian, and i drove val home. now i am here. i did three or four crosswords. im fucking tired.
i wanna go to alantic city with derek so bad. he told me he has to wait for his luck to return, but i say eff that, cos i wanna go soooon. actually, i may try to get him to go during the xmas break, that way he wouldnt have to take off work, and niether would i. but then, i dont have any money. and i dont think i will, esp right after xmas. this year will be a very thin holiday for me.. im so broke, this sucks. i am trying to budget, but i owe so much money... ugh ugh ugh. but i really wanna go. and with derek. because i adore him.
blah blah blah. i kind of have to pee.
im so fucking tired. for some reason, though, i cant stop writing. about nothing. i mean, i dont even have much joe drama to talk about. i miss him, but i didnt get sad or feel that intense draw that i usually feel around him yesterday. is this what getting over somebody feels like? do i not care anymore? am i resigned to being lost?
fucking.. kim. have i mentioned this? she hasnt called me back in two weeks. TWO weeks. eff that. so i called her monday, and she came to the phone and she was being shady, said she'd call me back.. an hour later, still hadnt called me, so i called her again and she copped an attitude, all bitchy she was like "im on the phone!" but i didnt know that.. when her mom had handed her the phone the first time i called, she said "the charge light is on, the battery will probably die" so i figured when she said shed call me back, she was gonna call me right back from her cell. whatever. she STILL hasnt called me back. i dont even get it. i havent done anything to deserve this. i keep trying to call her at home, but no one is ever home. i could handle walking away from our stupid friendship if i knew why she was ignoring me/not calling me back/avoiding me, but i cat walk away not knowing why. cos seriously, the last time i saw her, which was like 2.5 weeks ago, she kept me up til 2am telling me about all her drama, and how unhappy she is with gonzo, etc.. so. i mean, i havent done anything wrong. i didnt hurt her. i could not have made her angry. and the thing is, i know kim, and i know that rather than talk to me and rish confrontation, she will just NEVER call me again. im ready to just show up at her house and MAKE her talk to me. this is bullshit. we have been bff for like over two years, and all the sudden she bails on me in a serious time of need? did she do something to ME? has she done something that will really hurt me? i cant think of anything. i mean, i would say maybe she slept with joe, but a) she hates him wayyyy too much for that and b) he was on tour till three days ago. maybe she got a boyfriend. maybe shes seeing grant. whatever. im calling her again tomorrow. then monday. then tuesday. till she fucking answers me. im persistant. this people should know about me.
anyway. im going to bed. i have to pee, still, so i guess ill do that first. my eyes burn. i hope i dont sleep too late tomorrow. i will be sorry when i cant fall asleep. but i have nothing to do all day. maybe i will start my xmas shopping. eh. i dunno. blah. maybe ill text joe, see if he wants to meet me at the mall. nice nuetral, sex-free environment. i think he maybe went into the city to try and figure out how not to go to CA with laura.. he mentioned yesterday that he was supposed to hang out with her yesterday or today, cos she was mad he hadnt wanted to see her since he got home. oh, wait, thats cos he is in love with arizona, now. i thought it would be funny if she moved to ny for him, and he gave her up, too. since he is a jerk like that. and a slut.
oh yah, bed.
xoxo.
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