Tuesday, September 30, 2003
you let me down today. i mean, i knew you would. im pretty much used to it. when did i cease to amaze you? i remember the messages saying "i wish i was seeing you tonight," but those haven't come in a while, and theyve been replaced by excuses. so i guess you read my away message, and you figured it was you i was asking why you don't think im amazing anymore. because i got a message tonight.. "i wish i was watchin a movie right now. :(" because that was the plan.
then i stop and i realize that i let you string me along. im completely conscious of the fact that we aren't together, and we won't be together. its 1997 all over again. maybe i should never have forgiven you. maybe i should have stayed mad. sometimes i wish that it would have rained when you left that note on my car, and the ink would have washed away, leaving me completely unable to get in touch with you. and then i remember that stupid saying.. "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." but i'm not fooled, nor was i then. back then, you stayed on the phone with me until all hours of the night, asking me to talk so you could fall asleep to my voice.. or youd remind me that it was 3 am and that you loved me. how badly you wanted to be with me. blah blah blah blah blah. you didn't leave her, and you, in fact, left me when she told you to. today its different. there is no "her" in the way, just yr selfishness.. and i can't get over the fact that we are perfect complements, that we make each other so happy, and that we can practically finish each others sentances.. i can't forget the wow chemistry, the way i feel when you look in my eyes, or the rollar coaster feeling i used to get when i listened to "hands down." i fool myself into believing that i could be yr everything... if youd let me. i let this happen. i let you take every opportunity to make me believe that you really do care, and that you still think i am amazing girl. you come around when its convenient for you, when you are on yr way out on tour again, or when yr on yr way to the city for a show. you havent come here with the intention of watching a movie and falling asleep with me in months. everything adds up, so why do i refuse to acknowledge the math?
because i'm addicted to love, and a sucker for heartbreak.
then i stop and i realize that i let you string me along. im completely conscious of the fact that we aren't together, and we won't be together. its 1997 all over again. maybe i should never have forgiven you. maybe i should have stayed mad. sometimes i wish that it would have rained when you left that note on my car, and the ink would have washed away, leaving me completely unable to get in touch with you. and then i remember that stupid saying.. "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." but i'm not fooled, nor was i then. back then, you stayed on the phone with me until all hours of the night, asking me to talk so you could fall asleep to my voice.. or youd remind me that it was 3 am and that you loved me. how badly you wanted to be with me. blah blah blah blah blah. you didn't leave her, and you, in fact, left me when she told you to. today its different. there is no "her" in the way, just yr selfishness.. and i can't get over the fact that we are perfect complements, that we make each other so happy, and that we can practically finish each others sentances.. i can't forget the wow chemistry, the way i feel when you look in my eyes, or the rollar coaster feeling i used to get when i listened to "hands down." i fool myself into believing that i could be yr everything... if youd let me. i let this happen. i let you take every opportunity to make me believe that you really do care, and that you still think i am amazing girl. you come around when its convenient for you, when you are on yr way out on tour again, or when yr on yr way to the city for a show. you havent come here with the intention of watching a movie and falling asleep with me in months. everything adds up, so why do i refuse to acknowledge the math?
because i'm addicted to love, and a sucker for heartbreak.
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