is it too late to heal?

i feel so peaceful right now, like some weight has been lifted from me. i was riding the train home from school, and all the sudden i remembered doug. this kid i met in 1998, and i totally fell for, because i thought we were so alike.. i thought that since both of our favorite soda was coke (but it had to be from the can), and we both smoked marlboro reds, we must have been meant to be. i was so hung up on this kid, i thought it would eventually work out. but it didn't, and i moved on. and i forgot about him. so i guess i feel really hopeful right now. that sometimes (ok always) i'm wrong in my choices of guys, but i always move on. i've been clinging on to you for so long now, bc i feel like you are the male version of me, and because we have so much in common. but in reality, that means nothing, and i'm hung up on something so unrealistic. but i will get over it. and i am. maybe it was a little harder this time, bc there was a lot more to it, but its been a week now, and each day i am thinking of you less and less.
i talked to mark last night, and i guess we started talking about love at first sight, and i told him i didnt believe in it.. and then i remembered this boy. it was maybe a month ago, and i was leaving work really late. i walked down the subway stairs to the ACE platform at 42nd St, and as i was going i met the eyes of this kid, crouching by a pole, with messy hair and a lip ring. and black dress pants with a white dress shirt, but messy like. and i couldnt take my eyes away, it was so weird, i felt to connected to this kid that i'd never seen before, nor will i probably ever see again. and we finally both looked down but i looked up and it happened again. he was with a girl though, not like id have gone over there anyway.. it appeared that they were either not together, or that she was mad at him. and they got on the uptown A.. i had to wait for the E to queens. but i thought about getting on the train.. i didn't. and mark says i'll probably meet up with him at some other time in life, and i joked that maybe we knew each other in a past life. but yah, it was a bizarre experience.
anyway. im waiting for john to get here, i'm really bored. maybe candace will be home soon. time for the crossword..