is it too late to heal?

so i'm getting ready to go out and hunt for men with antonia. i've showered and fixed my eyebrows to the best of my availability. i haven't had them waved since august, which is killing me, but i've yet to find someone i like in the city, and i haven't been home on a weekday to go to my lady on long island. i let them get bad. so i had to clean up the edges. they still look terrible, but i'll wear make up and detract attention from that minor detail. right now im wearing hese fabulous green pants from h&m and a teal t-shirt. i want to just wear this. but i must make an effort at my appearance for the evening. so i'm going to wear grey pants with a pin striped black button up. however, this could change to jeans and black button up if my sneakers dont work with my grey pants. they work with my black pin stripe pants, but they are a size 7 and i am a size 4, and they don't have a belt, so they fall off. i feel like i should just wear this or i'll be pretending to be someone i am not. and it's not like i'm looking for someone to bring home and bed tonight, if i meet anyone, i wanna hang out and get to be friends or something before anything else happens. maybe i'll just wear this. i'll consult antonia when she gets here in her hipster outfit lol.
anyway, so ryan and i have decided that we are going to get dressed up and get drunk for alkaline trio, so as better to identify with the lyrics when we are there. i wore my teeth shirt when we saw them in may. with jeans. and i didn't drink. but this time will be different. i have to get some flat mary jane's for the event. i'll wear knee highs and m black pleated skirt, and a white pin stripped shirt for that event. "blue in the face" is on right now. i'm so excited to see them again. i wish it was time, but two weeks remain. i kind of want to listen to bright eyes when this cd is over in approximately one minute.
...and i dont dream since i quit sleeping. and i haven't slept since i met you. and you can't breathe without coughing in daytime, niether can i. so what do you say, yr coffin or mine?...
ok so now im listening to my latest mix cd, that i made several months ago, and haven't listened to in a while. i've been listening to regular cds a lot, which is weird. i usually prefer mixes. against me! are one.. who doesnt love anarchopunk? i certainly do. the people upstairs are making a ton of noise, as usual. i wonder if the people downstairs from me think we are as terrible as they are. its like having baby dancing elephants up there. one day i'm gonna go up there with a gun or something and start screaming "this is unacceptable!!!" its that bad.
antonia just got on the bus, which means she'll be here in like an hour. it would suck if i had to take the bus to the subway. candace does, she takes the B61 to our old stop at Bedford Ave in Williamsburg. i just take the G wherever i go. tonight will be rough, and i think i might have to cave and get money so as we can be taxied home.. i still have to dry my hair and paint a face. haha. smokey eyes for me tonight. she wants to take tequila shots before we leave. im thinking i haven't eaten since like 4pm, so this might be a long night. i can't really afford food and alcohol, so its one or the other ("between a rope and a bottle, and i can tell yr having trouble breathing" sorry for the alkaline interjection..).
oh god, all american rejects "paper heart" just came on, i wanna get up and dance around my apartment, but i don't want to be a baby dancing elephant to the poor people downstairs. so im dancing in my seat. i have no rythym, though. this cd is alphabetical. it has "after the movies" on it, old school dreary cursive woo. now it's "maybe i'll catch fire." so goooood. i mixed up alkaline and all american.. they should have been opposite on the cd. i'm a bad alphabetizer.
maybe more in a bit...