is it too late to heal?

i feel like shit. yesterday was such a good time, we got all ready before work and everyone had such fabulous costumes! lets see. well, i was a slutty school girl, kim was a rockstar, sean was a pirate, lori was a wench, kathy was marilyn monroe, marjory was a 70s woman dressed like a man in drag.. she had this huge afro and awesome clothes.. shasta was snow white, katrina was superwoman, justin was a trucker, rodrigo was harry potter, rebecca was a britney spears school girl.. we had a best costume contest, and then there were subcategories as well.. marjory won best overall, kathy got best period costume, shasta got best character, jesse got best sad attempt at a costume for his white shirt that read "ghost" across it.. and i won best slutty school girl woo! after work kim and baxter and i went to emmets and had like 4 and a half shots each. jesse, gabe, kathy, lee, and marjory met us there, and then kelly (!!) showed up, which was sooo bizarre. kelly is our psycho manager. but it was alright. baxter told me that if this were texas, and he wasn't doing his musician thing, i would definitely be his girlfriend. it was reallt nice, he told me all the reasons that i was such a perfect girl, and i was like "i really appreciate you appreciating me." we pretended all night, we held hands and he got my drinks (i paid for them though). so then we went over to this bar called jimmy's downtown, we met up with kim and baxters other roommate, stef, there. continued to drink ourselves stupid.. there was some drama when kim got sad, then lee got sad and everyone was drunk so it was like AAAHH. lee kept insisting that baxter and i were going to have sex when we left, but that was silly. anyway we left when the bar closed up, i spent like $70 on liquor which was crazy. i went home with them bc i didnt think i should be waiting for the G at 5 am in a skirt that barely covered my ass. and drunk, at that. we finally went to bed at 630, kim and baxter and i all slept in his bed, i was smooshed in the middle. i had to make sure kim got up for school at 9, so i pushed her out of bed, then she came and laid on top of me for a minute and then she left. i cuddled with baxter for an hour, which was cool.. i havent really felt comfortable enough to cuddle with a guy that i wasn't being intimate with in a looong time. but it worked for me, and it was cozy and happy, and maybe in some parallel universe baxter and i would make a smashing couple, but in this one, there is too much going on and its not realistic...
so that was that. it was a super good time, and i have pictures which im really excited about. kim got to work today at 4 and she was like "i think im either still drunk or delirious." so i was trying to be all supportive like. i made her drink my gatorade, bc it restores electrolytes. i still feel hung over. i need sleeeep. but not yet. i should write my paper. HA.
oh yah, and i guess i got stood up tonight, i was supposed to go on that date.. but no call. im not upset about it, i wasn't really into him anyway. so i feel kinda relieved. if he calls tonight i'm gonna be like "um, what the hell?" its already 8, and i am not going to haul myself back into manhattan to hang out with someone who isn't too reliable. ooooh and i heard from my enigma tonight, he is going to be in the city to see strike anywhere and the bouncing souls tomorrow night, and he was wondering if he could crash at my place bc he has to drive upstate monday morning. i said he could.. kim is so mad at me. he said he would let me know tomorrow, and i guess whatever happens will happen. i wonder if he's gonna have to run it by the girl.. how on earth would she react? "oh, i'm gonna sleep over at gille's tonight.. yah, gille.. the girl i cheated on you with, and hooked up with for the period that we were broken up.. you dont mind, right?" ha. im so torn bc i wanna see him.. i havent seen him since sept 14 (i only know the date bc it was kimmas bday), and i kinda miss him. plus i wanna see if he pulls anything.. if he'll wanna sleep on the couch or in my bed and cuddle.. but i also don't know if i'll be able to be nice to him.. ugh. ugh ugh ugh. i cant decide. i guess he'll decide when i hear from him tomorrow.. i know i'll end up super sad if he does spend the night here, but you know me.. i can't resist.