Tuesday, November 25, 2003
im stewing in dye as i write. 18 more minutes and then i will have an even colored head of hair. woooohooooo! its black ruby or something. i just picked a dark one so it could be one color.
im kinda excited, i might see kurt on friday. its been a year, i remember the last time we met it was getting cold out, i wore shorts and by dusk i was freezing. we went to the docks in port jeff, then we went to the great south bay and watched the waves. its always water with us. its our thing. when we went to the william floyd house it was on the beach. we snuck onto jones beach late at night.. all the nights we spent at lands end, just watching the sea spray.. i have big plans for friday. i wanted to go to van cortlandt mansion, but its closed. we could go to fao schwartz, or trinity church, but most places are closed day after thanksgiving. i want to go to st john the divine if he does. i went there once before, but those places are never the same without kurt, its something that i have an ok time alone or with someone else, but everything is so amazing when we do it together. i have this intense connection to him. its like he is such a small part of my day to day life, we see each other less than once a year now, but he is a huge part of me. he came into my life at a pivotal time and i am everything i am today because of him. everything ive done since may 1996 has been a direct result of my knowing him and everything he introduced me to. he was my first weston song (new shirt/heather lewis), my first mr t experience song (now that you are gone).. his band played at my first show (with supermatchboxxx and a metal band from my high school). we went to our first cure concert together. he wrote the first (and only, to my knowledge) songs about me. well, except for supermatchboxxx and "gille's friends are hot," but i guess that was about antonia and beth. but my name is in it.. "when we met at gullie's house, i thought you were so fine" hehehe. antonia and i rented welcome home roxy carmichael when we were like 18, and there is a line, i think winona rider says it: "do you know how hard it is to have a song written about you?" and we looked at each other and said "no?" and giggled. but anyway. he will get engaged soon, and i will begin the process of letting him go, because i dont think our friendship could coexist with his marriage, bc she hates me. i have dreaded that moment for a couple of years now, bc i cant imagine my life without him in it..
must rinse.
im kinda excited, i might see kurt on friday. its been a year, i remember the last time we met it was getting cold out, i wore shorts and by dusk i was freezing. we went to the docks in port jeff, then we went to the great south bay and watched the waves. its always water with us. its our thing. when we went to the william floyd house it was on the beach. we snuck onto jones beach late at night.. all the nights we spent at lands end, just watching the sea spray.. i have big plans for friday. i wanted to go to van cortlandt mansion, but its closed. we could go to fao schwartz, or trinity church, but most places are closed day after thanksgiving. i want to go to st john the divine if he does. i went there once before, but those places are never the same without kurt, its something that i have an ok time alone or with someone else, but everything is so amazing when we do it together. i have this intense connection to him. its like he is such a small part of my day to day life, we see each other less than once a year now, but he is a huge part of me. he came into my life at a pivotal time and i am everything i am today because of him. everything ive done since may 1996 has been a direct result of my knowing him and everything he introduced me to. he was my first weston song (new shirt/heather lewis), my first mr t experience song (now that you are gone).. his band played at my first show (with supermatchboxxx and a metal band from my high school). we went to our first cure concert together. he wrote the first (and only, to my knowledge) songs about me. well, except for supermatchboxxx and "gille's friends are hot," but i guess that was about antonia and beth. but my name is in it.. "when we met at gullie's house, i thought you were so fine" hehehe. antonia and i rented welcome home roxy carmichael when we were like 18, and there is a line, i think winona rider says it: "do you know how hard it is to have a song written about you?" and we looked at each other and said "no?" and giggled. but anyway. he will get engaged soon, and i will begin the process of letting him go, because i dont think our friendship could coexist with his marriage, bc she hates me. i have dreaded that moment for a couple of years now, bc i cant imagine my life without him in it..
must rinse.
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