is it too late to heal?

obbbbble. so i went to see st azimuth last night, they were really really good, as i knew they would be. we drank a lot, hung out in the green room. lots of chevy's people came through, it was kind of funny and weird. afterward i headed over to the studio with them, and we hung out for a while. they want to branch out from the chevy's crowd as their fanbase, and i was like "hey can i still come?" and they said yes i could. besides, they are going to be famous one day, and baxter promised i could visit him in his missile silo. he's buying one when they get famous. and i am above the chevy's people crowd, anyway, they are my friends, not just my coworkers.
so that was fun. tonight i worked.. made some money. which is good, since i drank away the money i earned friday and last night. oooh and kelly (yah, psycho manager) got fired!! managers are dropping like flies around chevy's, for real. people kept asking me if i was happy that she got fired, and im pretty indifferent. i thought i would be, but its like, at least i knew what i was dealing with.. the only manager that has been there longer than me now is joey. im worried that it will be like when i worked at applebee's downtown.. all the managers quit and they were replaced by times square ones, and they were horrendous and changed everything.. ugh. i like the new acting GM, he is funny and likeable, but i dont know if i quite trust him. we smoked a cigarette together tonight, and it was alright, but there is stillsome investigating required. we get our new GM in december, and its cool bc gregg is still there, and we get along with him quite well, but. yah...
yo its fuckin cold.
i have so much on my mind right now. i'm supposed to go to marjory's party tomorrow night, but i don't know if i'm feeling it. i don't know if i'll be social. i said i would go, so maybe we should make an appearance. kim was kinda adamant about going, but she hasn't called me back to discuss. i'm going to stop by work on my way home from school to check in with bart and see if he is going. he's closing upstairs.. i wanna go home before i go anyway, and i dont wanna get there till like 12.. she said people would probably start getting there at 11.. i'd like to be late, make an appearance, and come home. i need to figure stuff out, my mind is a mess with feelings and psuedo feelings and confusion. i have these tests i do with myself on boys.. like i try to picture myself doing stuff with them, to see if i can imagine doing things i'd like to be able to do with them. and i guess i can't picture myself doing any of those things with work boy. its just a silly crush, and besides, if he was interested, hes waited way too long to show it, and i gave him soo many opportunities. i invited him to eat with kim and me, i invited him out on halloween, i invited him to last nights show.. and he didn't come to any of them. maybe he'll be at the party tomorrow, but its like who even cares anymore. i have bigger feelings to deal with. i'm really confused about something that i dont think i want to talk about. i need to work it out in my head, maybe in my paper journal. i don't feel like i need to work this shit out on here. ugh, obble. OBBLE!