Wednesday, December 10, 2003
hola!! i just got home from school a while ago, talked to my momma, now im chillin. i think im going to go to saints practice tonight, but its supposed to rain, and i am firmly against rain. i tried to check weather.com, but it kept saying "null" when i put in my zip code. further evidence that there is something viral going on in this crappy machine.
its really cold, the heat just came on, and i need to sleeeep. but no. im waiting to hear from the bartman to know if they are practicing despite impending rain. im actually kind of against going back out, but. if i dont hear from bart, there is nothing i can do. actually, i only sent him a text message, so it would be most fair to actually call before i bail due to not hearing from him. because sometimes he doesnt get my messages. evil cell phone companies.
so i went to my advisor today and she told me what i should do for my thesis and she gave me this regemented schedule for writing it. i have to have most of my research done by the beginning of february, and she wants a draft by april because it has to go to two readers and that will give me enough time to fix anything that needs fixing. i also have to decide who i want to be on my panel for the orals. i figure it will be her, and i guess dr. satter, and i'm going to try to get barbara. i took her for marxist theory, and it was a lit class, but i think that should be ok for me bc it wasnt a lit class, it was theory, and marxist theory is important to any marxist historian, duh. class conflict, baby, class conflict.
i met up with steve at 4:45 and we went over to the restaurant. it was a mongolian barbeque. it was buffet style, which i am also against but i ate my little heart out because for $12, i better eat and eat and eat. so i did. now i feel a little crappy, and im sort of regretting eating those deep fried balls of mashed potatoes. all eight of them. but they were soooo goood! ok. shut up. yah, so we talked about a lot of stuff and i told him about an incident when i was talking to someone and they refered to penfold as punk and he was like "yah, not punk, thanks" and he laughed. he was like "we are not anything like punk." but i suppose that is the umbrella term for hc and emo and all that jazz. i told him that im starting to get defensive over my music, especially when people from long island are just NOW getting into bands like tbs and the movielife and glassjaw and all them.. you know, you spent like 20+ years on this friggin island, and you had like EIGHT YEARS while this was all happening, when the scene was even better, when the bands were so much better, when the people were so much better.. what were you doing in 1997, why weren't you at inside shows, or silent majority shows, or coincide shows, or indecision shows, or milhouse or splurge or striped basstards or last days of august or motive or stillsuit or the glassjaw or sons of abraham? not to say that all these bands were good, but they were out there, and they were doing this then, too. its like i have been constructing this identity since i was 16 years old, i became what i am today in high school. i was wearing dickies and thrift store shirts, and i was listening to smb and weston and the embarrassing rex.. where were you? were you listening to dave matthews band or puff daddy or savage garden or whatever mtv told you to listen to? were you wearing baggy jeans, or perhaps j.crew? were you doing yr best to fit in and construct an identity that involved dressing well and being a part of something false? because i wasnt. i was going to three or four shows a week, i was out there supporting, i was singing (ok, yelling) along with stillsuit and i was making a gun with my fingers when tommy majority told me to do so. i was at churches and rec centers and coney island high and vfw halls and kids basements with people who were doing the same thing i was doing. i was at the rock lobster, i was at deja one, i was at that shithole in bellmore, who even remembers what it was called.. i was collecting 7"s and demo tapes and comp cds (like the fabulous 516 comp and blood sweat and tears). i was getting on guest lists, and hanging out with the o'side boys, i was arguing with pat when his merch wouldnt fit in my trunk, i was driving todd (glassjaw) to stillsuits last show at coney island high, i was getting black eyes and bruises from kids who were flailing all around, i was avoiding kneel at diners all across the island. or i was sitting on the benches in port jeff while my friends got dis con tickets for talking back to the village police, or climbing the rocket ship late at night. and now some of these kids are making it, they are making videos and allowing people to hear them on mass scale. and im not opposed to this, li (and nj, i guess) has some fucking fantastic musicians who deserve to be heard, but when you had yr chance to know them intimately, to be up front while bands played acoustic at this rec center in port washington on valentines day in 98, to be a part of it all, to be a part of the beginning.. and yr just catching on now? please. i guess im a wee bit defensive, which i may have no right to be, but i mean, this is such a huge part of me, and when its done being cool, ill still be here, ill still be listening to inside and remembering all the times i saw them, how i cried at their last show (7.7.99 :( booo), how "sandra" meant the world to me.. even when i went to pace, i met tom and we both were doing the same things.. i went to shows in nj with him, he came out to li to see my bands.. i still made it out to shows my whole freshman year, and even while i was with chaz we went to shows.. and you know what, i might have stopped while i was with nick, but i still went to see the queers at the knitting factory, and i still listened to the same music. and i fully intend to be at shows when i go back. i think i'll still go to shows when i'm 40. its the only place where i feel at home. its kinda funny how when i went to pace i met tom and continued on this path, and then when i went to rutgers, i met steve and i didnt know about his band for like a month or so and then it just turned out that i was talking about inside and he was like "inside? i played with them.." i feel like us emo kids gravitate to each other. like there is some weird magnetism that screams "i'm like you!"
on a related subject.. i was talking to jamie yesterday and we were talking about the LI scene, and how it sucks now. it doesnt really SUCK, but its not the same. it was so magical when we were in high school, and everyone just wanted to play. i had a show in my backyard, and it was supposed to be smb, the rex, the howards, troys bucket, and the microwave orphans.. and like half hour before it starts, who shows up? splurge. and they ask if they can play. there was no money involved, i wasnt friends with them yet, they just wanted to play to play. and kurt tells me that shows are bad now bc no one wants to play with a band thats better than them.. and that blows my mind, because it used to be an honor to play with a really good band, there was no fear that one band would be overshadowed by another. i guess that this is still part of it, bc whenever i talk to joe about shows, he is usually pretty excited to be playing with old bands or bands he likes or bands he respects, but then he is also a product of the scene i started out in also. i have all these dreams of moving back home and picking up where i left off, going to new places, like saints n sinners, or wherever else they have shows now.. but i know it wont be the same. most of the bands i loved have broken up. they are in new bands, like doppler and the csp and the devil himself, but its not the same, they arent the same, and i'm not the same. and like sean said yesterday, you have to move forward, not backward..
anyway. i just heard from bart, and they are going to practice at 1.. i asked if i should still come, but im waiting to hear back again. its nights like these when i wish i lived on a good train, rather than the crappy ghost.. which i will wait for 25 minutes for on an abandoned platform all cold and shit. if i go i will undoubtedly take a taxi home, bc if they arent starting till 1, they wont finish till like 4... ah, weighing my options......
its really cold, the heat just came on, and i need to sleeeep. but no. im waiting to hear from the bartman to know if they are practicing despite impending rain. im actually kind of against going back out, but. if i dont hear from bart, there is nothing i can do. actually, i only sent him a text message, so it would be most fair to actually call before i bail due to not hearing from him. because sometimes he doesnt get my messages. evil cell phone companies.
so i went to my advisor today and she told me what i should do for my thesis and she gave me this regemented schedule for writing it. i have to have most of my research done by the beginning of february, and she wants a draft by april because it has to go to two readers and that will give me enough time to fix anything that needs fixing. i also have to decide who i want to be on my panel for the orals. i figure it will be her, and i guess dr. satter, and i'm going to try to get barbara. i took her for marxist theory, and it was a lit class, but i think that should be ok for me bc it wasnt a lit class, it was theory, and marxist theory is important to any marxist historian, duh. class conflict, baby, class conflict.
i met up with steve at 4:45 and we went over to the restaurant. it was a mongolian barbeque. it was buffet style, which i am also against but i ate my little heart out because for $12, i better eat and eat and eat. so i did. now i feel a little crappy, and im sort of regretting eating those deep fried balls of mashed potatoes. all eight of them. but they were soooo goood! ok. shut up. yah, so we talked about a lot of stuff and i told him about an incident when i was talking to someone and they refered to penfold as punk and he was like "yah, not punk, thanks" and he laughed. he was like "we are not anything like punk." but i suppose that is the umbrella term for hc and emo and all that jazz. i told him that im starting to get defensive over my music, especially when people from long island are just NOW getting into bands like tbs and the movielife and glassjaw and all them.. you know, you spent like 20+ years on this friggin island, and you had like EIGHT YEARS while this was all happening, when the scene was even better, when the bands were so much better, when the people were so much better.. what were you doing in 1997, why weren't you at inside shows, or silent majority shows, or coincide shows, or indecision shows, or milhouse or splurge or striped basstards or last days of august or motive or stillsuit or the glassjaw or sons of abraham? not to say that all these bands were good, but they were out there, and they were doing this then, too. its like i have been constructing this identity since i was 16 years old, i became what i am today in high school. i was wearing dickies and thrift store shirts, and i was listening to smb and weston and the embarrassing rex.. where were you? were you listening to dave matthews band or puff daddy or savage garden or whatever mtv told you to listen to? were you wearing baggy jeans, or perhaps j.crew? were you doing yr best to fit in and construct an identity that involved dressing well and being a part of something false? because i wasnt. i was going to three or four shows a week, i was out there supporting, i was singing (ok, yelling) along with stillsuit and i was making a gun with my fingers when tommy majority told me to do so. i was at churches and rec centers and coney island high and vfw halls and kids basements with people who were doing the same thing i was doing. i was at the rock lobster, i was at deja one, i was at that shithole in bellmore, who even remembers what it was called.. i was collecting 7"s and demo tapes and comp cds (like the fabulous 516 comp and blood sweat and tears). i was getting on guest lists, and hanging out with the o'side boys, i was arguing with pat when his merch wouldnt fit in my trunk, i was driving todd (glassjaw) to stillsuits last show at coney island high, i was getting black eyes and bruises from kids who were flailing all around, i was avoiding kneel at diners all across the island. or i was sitting on the benches in port jeff while my friends got dis con tickets for talking back to the village police, or climbing the rocket ship late at night. and now some of these kids are making it, they are making videos and allowing people to hear them on mass scale. and im not opposed to this, li (and nj, i guess) has some fucking fantastic musicians who deserve to be heard, but when you had yr chance to know them intimately, to be up front while bands played acoustic at this rec center in port washington on valentines day in 98, to be a part of it all, to be a part of the beginning.. and yr just catching on now? please. i guess im a wee bit defensive, which i may have no right to be, but i mean, this is such a huge part of me, and when its done being cool, ill still be here, ill still be listening to inside and remembering all the times i saw them, how i cried at their last show (7.7.99 :( booo), how "sandra" meant the world to me.. even when i went to pace, i met tom and we both were doing the same things.. i went to shows in nj with him, he came out to li to see my bands.. i still made it out to shows my whole freshman year, and even while i was with chaz we went to shows.. and you know what, i might have stopped while i was with nick, but i still went to see the queers at the knitting factory, and i still listened to the same music. and i fully intend to be at shows when i go back. i think i'll still go to shows when i'm 40. its the only place where i feel at home. its kinda funny how when i went to pace i met tom and continued on this path, and then when i went to rutgers, i met steve and i didnt know about his band for like a month or so and then it just turned out that i was talking about inside and he was like "inside? i played with them.." i feel like us emo kids gravitate to each other. like there is some weird magnetism that screams "i'm like you!"
on a related subject.. i was talking to jamie yesterday and we were talking about the LI scene, and how it sucks now. it doesnt really SUCK, but its not the same. it was so magical when we were in high school, and everyone just wanted to play. i had a show in my backyard, and it was supposed to be smb, the rex, the howards, troys bucket, and the microwave orphans.. and like half hour before it starts, who shows up? splurge. and they ask if they can play. there was no money involved, i wasnt friends with them yet, they just wanted to play to play. and kurt tells me that shows are bad now bc no one wants to play with a band thats better than them.. and that blows my mind, because it used to be an honor to play with a really good band, there was no fear that one band would be overshadowed by another. i guess that this is still part of it, bc whenever i talk to joe about shows, he is usually pretty excited to be playing with old bands or bands he likes or bands he respects, but then he is also a product of the scene i started out in also. i have all these dreams of moving back home and picking up where i left off, going to new places, like saints n sinners, or wherever else they have shows now.. but i know it wont be the same. most of the bands i loved have broken up. they are in new bands, like doppler and the csp and the devil himself, but its not the same, they arent the same, and i'm not the same. and like sean said yesterday, you have to move forward, not backward..
anyway. i just heard from bart, and they are going to practice at 1.. i asked if i should still come, but im waiting to hear back again. its nights like these when i wish i lived on a good train, rather than the crappy ghost.. which i will wait for 25 minutes for on an abandoned platform all cold and shit. if i go i will undoubtedly take a taxi home, bc if they arent starting till 1, they wont finish till like 4... ah, weighing my options......
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