Saturday, December 13, 2003
i have worked 17 of the past 24 hours. i am thoroughly against ever doing this again. i worked from 4-1 last night, and from 9-5:30 today. i got home at 2, babbled with jesse for a while, went to bed at 3:30, got up at 7:30... ugh. we started this crappy brunch shit this morning. tim was there, of course, and he was making everyone miserable. it was soo busy and food was taking forFUCKINGever.. there were huge parties, and the hostesses kept seating them in the rooms and people would sit and no one would wait on them.. and the whole time, tim, who is our regional manager, was just sitting at a table with some friends, pointing out what we were doing wrong, and getting up occasionally to yell at us. god forbid he should do anything to help. so i gave justin my shift tomorrow, i cant deal with it anymore. all the people i was working with are drama queens, and i was tired and cranky, which i *told* everyone when i got there.. i was like "im doing this on no sleep, so i'll get bitchy" and i avoided interaction with all other servers, unless they got in my face. fuckin kiki comes into the sidestation and im trying to make 14 sodas for this party i had and she like wants me to move out of the way. wait yr motherfuckin turn, let me finish up and then you can have the whole fountain. but of course when i said something, she interpreted it as me going ballistic, bc shes like that, and was combative the whole rest of the shift. i was like just dont talk to me, or do anything, and this will go smoothly. but of course not. must push gille's buttons...
anyway. i ate mcdonalds more than anyone should ever eat mcdonalds in their lives today. i had hotcakes and a hasbrown for breakfast, then we tasted the brunch and our new desserts.. the desserts are goooood, creme brulee (spelling?) and some fried bananas and we finally have empinadas. then i just ate three cheeseburgers with no meat and mac sauce mmm and mozzerella sticks. and after all that, kim still says im too skinny and need to eat more. i think i ate plenty. if im not careful, i'll get all fat like when i was with nick again. ugh. that would be horrendous. ive been a bottomless pit this week. friday night she was like "we have to go to the diner so i can SEE you eat." i dont even know why people are so concerned about my weight. its no big deal. yesterday sammy was on my case too, constantly asking me if i was on a diet and pulling at the back of my pants. so they are too big. they have been for a while. i got them like 2 years ago, and ive lost weight since then. its not like im a size 0, im still a 4 or 6, so whatever to everyone who thinks its their business.
i hate saturday nights. i never do anything bc i never want to spend any money. bart invited me over to kim and baxter's place tonight, but i dont think i'll make it out to kew gardens on 4 hours sleep. im relatively cranky, which is never good for hanging out there, bc i will undoubtedly get bitchy and just leave without saying anything to anyone, and kim will be like "what the hell?" and ill be like "i wasnt having fun" and it will be drama. so i'll stay home and watch cops. and ill watch snl later, then i shall sleep. i have to go to newark tomorrow and try to get some research done. i wanted to go to the NY public library but its closed on sundays. i told jesse that, and he made a very fitting remark: "what the hell? porn stores are open 24/7, and the library is open like 10 hours a week. thats whats wrong with america."
other than that i have nothing to report. i had a weird dream the other night. i dreamt that joe had a pet squirrel, and that i was with him and some of his friends, and it was in a box, but it got out and i had to get it back in, but it bit me. and it was a venomous squirrel, so my hand turned black, but he didnt notice and they got in his car and drove away. so i was stuck with this squirrel and i guess his mother (whom i have never met) came and got it, and she was like "so yr the girl that made him all smiles.." so i went with her, but as i got there, they were getting in the van to go play on the road or go on tour or something, and there were a few girls.. and one of them was this cute blonde who i somehow knew was the girl (i love how i cannot bear to speak or type her name, ever). and i was so sad, and it really hurt to actually see her (bc i have never met her, either), but he didnt notice me, and they left. but my hand was black and i was dying i guess and i woke up.. the only sense i can make of it is that maybe it parallels the fact that hes always hurting me, and he's always oblivious to it. maybe its bc i never let on that im not ok.
anyway the people upstairs appear to be bouncing a basketball. or perhaps four balls. who knows. so im gonna go and lose this soberness or else im relatively positive that it will drive me insane...
anyway. i ate mcdonalds more than anyone should ever eat mcdonalds in their lives today. i had hotcakes and a hasbrown for breakfast, then we tasted the brunch and our new desserts.. the desserts are goooood, creme brulee (spelling?) and some fried bananas and we finally have empinadas. then i just ate three cheeseburgers with no meat and mac sauce mmm and mozzerella sticks. and after all that, kim still says im too skinny and need to eat more. i think i ate plenty. if im not careful, i'll get all fat like when i was with nick again. ugh. that would be horrendous. ive been a bottomless pit this week. friday night she was like "we have to go to the diner so i can SEE you eat." i dont even know why people are so concerned about my weight. its no big deal. yesterday sammy was on my case too, constantly asking me if i was on a diet and pulling at the back of my pants. so they are too big. they have been for a while. i got them like 2 years ago, and ive lost weight since then. its not like im a size 0, im still a 4 or 6, so whatever to everyone who thinks its their business.
i hate saturday nights. i never do anything bc i never want to spend any money. bart invited me over to kim and baxter's place tonight, but i dont think i'll make it out to kew gardens on 4 hours sleep. im relatively cranky, which is never good for hanging out there, bc i will undoubtedly get bitchy and just leave without saying anything to anyone, and kim will be like "what the hell?" and ill be like "i wasnt having fun" and it will be drama. so i'll stay home and watch cops. and ill watch snl later, then i shall sleep. i have to go to newark tomorrow and try to get some research done. i wanted to go to the NY public library but its closed on sundays. i told jesse that, and he made a very fitting remark: "what the hell? porn stores are open 24/7, and the library is open like 10 hours a week. thats whats wrong with america."
other than that i have nothing to report. i had a weird dream the other night. i dreamt that joe had a pet squirrel, and that i was with him and some of his friends, and it was in a box, but it got out and i had to get it back in, but it bit me. and it was a venomous squirrel, so my hand turned black, but he didnt notice and they got in his car and drove away. so i was stuck with this squirrel and i guess his mother (whom i have never met) came and got it, and she was like "so yr the girl that made him all smiles.." so i went with her, but as i got there, they were getting in the van to go play on the road or go on tour or something, and there were a few girls.. and one of them was this cute blonde who i somehow knew was the girl (i love how i cannot bear to speak or type her name, ever). and i was so sad, and it really hurt to actually see her (bc i have never met her, either), but he didnt notice me, and they left. but my hand was black and i was dying i guess and i woke up.. the only sense i can make of it is that maybe it parallels the fact that hes always hurting me, and he's always oblivious to it. maybe its bc i never let on that im not ok.
anyway the people upstairs appear to be bouncing a basketball. or perhaps four balls. who knows. so im gonna go and lose this soberness or else im relatively positive that it will drive me insane...
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