is it too late to heal?

im watching ex-treme dating, as usual, and this guy just described himself as a relationship whore. he said he tends to jump into relationships, and then stay in them way too long, to avoid breaking up, until breaking up is a mess. yah, thats me, too.

so i worked tonight. it was ok. i had people who sat and sat, though (boothes seem to command chilling for longer than necessary). i made enough money.

i heard from the enigma tonight. i got a text message at like 5:15.. something like "just saying hi, how have you been? ive been ok. i need some hugs if you know anyone who has some extra. how was yr weekend, wet enough?" so i said i had an unending supply of hugs for him. and then he didnt respond so i was like "what are you too good for my hugs hehe.." so he said "no way why? thats why i was telling you i need some." so i said something back, who knows what. oh i think i demanded that he come and get some hugs, but he told me that they got into an accident yesterday in the van, and they are working on it, bc they need it for the weekend. and he told me that im the best. i was so tempted to be like "aint you got a woman to take care of the hug need?" but that would be silly, since i *want* to hug him, not be a dick. i was so excited to hear from him, but at the same time i was like aaack bc i was doing so well with not feeling. i guess technically im still not. i mean, i am, but its weird. like im being patient. whatever happens, will happen. im letting my life do what it has to do, im relinquishing control over it. (riiiiight)

there is a commerical for fired up (the dance cd) on, and im totally having flashbacks to high school.. "do you miss me" by jocelyn enriquez was just on. supermatchboxxx covered that. "blue (aba de aba dah)" was the anthem of my moms midlife crisis. that amber song.. "this is yr night" katie had the single and we listened to it a bunch of times bc she was obsessed (i think it was that song, at least) then the cd disappeared and she thought i threw it out the window, but alas.. i did not. i kind of wish i had. i was like "enough!" but she had to keep listening lol. we had so much fun, katie and me and our adventures. like smoking and driving down sunrise highway.. she had tweety slippers on and she had her feet up on the vents and she was laughing bc she was being ghetto (that was our big joke, turning ghetto) and she broke my vent. we drove to the gristmill and had a terrifying experience being tailgated and scariness.. or when we drove in her old tercel (the blue turtle), the heat in that car was like summertime, and we would wear t shirts in the dead of winter, blasting wbli (ie backstreet boys at the time), screaming along and smoking cigarettes. she was at pace when we snuck the keg into the building freshman year and proceeded to have a keg party. and travis' sink.. i love my katie girl.

i have therapy in the morning, and then im going to go to the ny public library. do my research. i gave away my shift, so i have no excuse not to go. i might go to pace, also.. i dont want to, i hate going there, i hate the whole experience of it, wondering who i'll run into. i havent been there in forfuckingever. i think i went to century 21 in october, and that was the last time i was in the neighborhood. but i must go to the school of ed to get my shit together. i'd also like to go to the pace library to look at the book camille told me to see to look up schools to send my resume to. the fifth wheel is on, and its a ghetto one. ugh. i hate when its divas. i made myself another egg sandwich before. i might have some yogurt soon. im still hungry.

i really have nothing else to babble about..