Monday, December 22, 2003
it is literally 9 degrees in my house. my hands are freezing. we have one window open a crack, for smoke reasons. all of our shit will reek if i dont crack a window. and im the only smoker in the apartment since candace quit, so i try not to smoke as much (though i have sucked at it lately since i have been so stressed with school) bc i feel bad. i wish the heat would come on. the pipes are freezing cold, too. they haven't even been on lately. is it supposed to rain? it sounds like its raining. i just checked the weather, and its gonna be 56 degrees on christmas.. and rainy. but its not raining. maybe its just the pipes cracking.. bc they are freezing. i just put my winter hat on with my hood over it. im determined not to have to put my coat on. i have a sweater and a sweatshirt. i might concede and put a regular sweater over the cardigan.
so last night was a disaster. i have no idea what happened, but it went a little something like this.. i didnt feel like going out, i was feeling blah and sort of antisocial, i was really tired (i only slept like 7 hours in 3 days), i just didnt want to go. but i had to. so i put a bunch of tequila in an empty apple juice bottle and was on my way. got to the bar, had a margarita.. and it started as it always does. i was quiet and worried that it was gonna suck, but i cheered up a bit.. michael and i went to the jukebox and picked out like 20 songs, like reo speedwagon's "keep on loving you," journey's "open arms," "welcome to the jungle," some eagles, some johnny cash, some skynyrd.. it was a blast. i chugged my drink, which was super strong. drank most of the tequila i'd brought (about 4 shots.. i shared it with kim and jenna, it was originally like 8 shots), michael got me a shot of patron.. i was wrecked. we ate mozzerella sticks and yelled the lyrics.. the bar was pretty empty, it was this little tiny dive bar on the lower east side, and michael works there. but as reo speedwagon was coming on, a group of like early 30s ppl came in and got all nostalgic over it. i was having a great time, laughing and singing, i was falling down, i couldnt stand up at all, and i kept insisting that i still knew my name, which was a problem (i sounded just like drunk girl. it was horrible in hindsight lol).. then i got really nauseas. i took kim to the bathroom and i threw up a lot. a lot a lot.. long story short, bart made us come out of the bathroom bc other people needed to use it or something, and we caught a cab. i apparently passed out in the cab, bc i dont remember the ride to kims apartment at all. bart said that if i had to puke, i could do so on him. i kind of remember going over a bridge, and i got really nauseas a couple of minutes before we got there and i was insisting that we had to pull over bc i had to vomit again. they said we were only a few blocks away, and that i had to hold on. they made me lean closer to the window (over kim) to get cold air. i do not at all remember getting out of the cab, walking to the building, entering the building, or her bathroom. i vaguely remember throwing off my coat and going straight to the bathroom.. by then, i was so sick and i felt like crap and i drifted in and out of consciousness.. i remember i was just being like "i just want to die, thats all i want to do, thats all i want to do" over and over again. thats how horrible i felt. but kim was holding my hair back and kissing the top of my head and saying "but i love you" and bart was like "no baby, yr just drunk." not like mean baby, like endearing baby. all i have to say is that i have the best friends to have ever walked the face of the earth when it comes down to it. sometimes they piss me off, sometimes they upset me, but when it comes down to their trueness, its all there. these kids are there for you when you need them, and they truly love me. and i love them. kim wouldnt even leave the bathroom when i had to pee, bc she was afraid id pass out or something. instead she stood behind the shower curtain bc at least she was still in there. she was silly drunk, so she made it quite funny, all getting in the bathtub and being like "nope, not leaving. i'll hide behind the shower curtain!" i honestly dont know how many of the people who have gone through my life were ever as wonderful as the group that ive surrounded myself with now. i cant believe its all going to fall apart. but for the first time in my life, im not afraid. i feel like i will always know them. kim is moving back to li at the same time as i am, and she applied to stonybrook for grad school. she'll probably go somewhere away from here, like u penn or columbia, but i know we'll be in touch. bart might be getting a record deal, which is kind of exciting, and he has promised to take me away from here when they get it. and even if i have to stay, im sure i'll hear from him and see them whenever they are in town and visit them and all that.. plus they are motivated to come out to li at least in august bc i promised we'd go to the beach. anyway.. so i guess i passed out with my head over the toilet. according to kim, she and bart carried me to her bed. i woke up this morning and i didnt know where i was for a good 35 seconds. it was kind of intense, i realized i wasnt in my bed and i started to be a wee bit anxious, but my contacts cleared up a little, and then i looked around and i saw kim. i was extra confused bc i figured out that i was in kims room, but she had changed it around, she moved her bed and stuff, so then i was confused again. but like i said, i saw her so i was like.. ahhh. ok. then sylvia walked by, she had spent the night with baxter (who ditched us saturday night to hang out with her) and she made fun of me bc she said that she had tried to come in and wake me up to talk to me, but i was passed out and she couldnt get me to wake up. (speaking of sylvia, i was supposed to go to her farewell party tonight, shes moving back to florida tuesday.. i wanted to go, bc i like sylvia and i wanted to say goodbye, but we got home so late, and im so tired..) kim told me that she had stayed up all night with the boys, routinely checking to make sure i had a pulse. i cant believe i was that messed up. i didnt drink that much. six shots and a margarita.. i mean, for alkaline trio i took 9 shots, i can handle my liquor.. i think it was because i drank most of it in minutes.. 5 of those shots came one after another. i felt like shit all day today. first of all, kim put me to bed in my clothes, everything but my shoes.. and she left my studded bracelet on me, so i *know* i slept on it (bc i always sleep with my wrist tucked under my chest) and i have a huge bruise there. its all ouchy. i puked a bunch this morning, and then i watched like half of joe dirt with kim. it was hilarious to us, bc joe dirt reminds us of baxter completely. the way he talks.. its just slightly country, and its a mellow voice, like stoner meets slow southern drawl.. and even the way he says "right on." we were like "sooo baxter!" but alas, i had to go so i only got up to the part where the shit comes out of the warhead he has strapped to him.. ill have to rent it and see what happens.
so anyway. i had to meet candace to go to LI for xmas shopping, and we agreed to take the 12:36 train out of jamaica. i was already at kims (three stops from jamiaca), so i told candace to meet me at the station. i told her to ride the front of the train and to meet me on the platform. but i said to just ride the first car bc thats where you come down the stairs, she thought i meant thats where the stairs to the lirr were and that id meet her on that platform. so i got there right after her, and i waited on the E platform like i said i would.. but she was waiting upstairs in the waiting room bc she didnt know which train we were supposed to take (and she thought id already be on the platform upstairs). i sat down there until 1:20. my watch band broke, so i only had my phone to tell the time, but since i have sprint now, the clock is satellite and i cant tell what time it is when im in the subway.. i finally asked someone what time it was, and he said 1:15.. so i had to call my brother and tell him not to come get us at 130 bc we wouldnt be there, i was still waiting for candace. but then i checked my voicemail and she had left me three messages that she was upstairs, and where was i.. that was really annoying. i can see how she misinterpreted what i said.. i didnt put it very clearly, so its my fault too. but we got to li at 230 instead, and we went to the mall. i got super fabulous gifts for everyone. i have to shop for my mommy still, though. i got her three things today, but nothing important. i still have $125 to spend. i have to get for my grandfather, nick, and jill and eric still also, but i will prob only need about $50 for those all together. that leaves $75 more for my mom, bc i finished my dad and linda and my brother. i got little things for my cousins and my godparents, i got a babys first christmas ornament for sean (its soo cute).. my mother got us stuff for jay. oh and i have to get a bottle of wine for one of my dads brothers. my bro is gonna get the other bottle, so it'll be half. i really want to get her two or three cds, and she wanted some stuff from eckerd. and i think im gonna get her an iou for a day at a spa, so she can get a facial and ill get a massage. but im going to give her the option of a day in the city or on long island, so i dont want to get a gift certificate. i still have to get antonias gift, but i dont know if she reads this thing so im not gonna say what it is. even though she probably already knows. i have to get something for katie too. damn. i hope chevys is busy tomorrow. actually.. i can dig into rent money bc im working like 45 hours this week. its our busiest week at work.. a bazillion people are in town for new years and since xmas is a thursday a lot of people will have a long weekend, and they will shop with their gift certificates or return stuff they dont want, and they will eat mexican food. im working friday night, a double saturday, a double sunday, monday night, and a double tuesday. all good sections. actually, all phenomenal sections. i have a night bar on sunday, section 8 both friday and sat night (one of the best in my opinion), day 4 both sat and sun morning (4 booths, muy bueno) and even some really good shifts on monday and tuesday. only one of my shifts is in the back (but its section 10, so it has two booths) and they are all money sections. so ill make an easy $600 this week. if i dont, then im doing something wrong. i should make at least $100 on friday, probably $200+ on both saturday and sunday, $50 on monday, and $100 on tuesday. that would be awesome. especially if my mom just gives me some money to get a guitar with, then bart and i can go and find me a guitar and not worry about the cost bc ill be a millionaire. or at least feel like one.
im wearing way too many clothes right now. i put sweatpants on over my regular pants, and i put a regular sweater on over the cardigan.. still have my winter hat on with hoodie over it. the heat also hasnt come on yet. we got home at like 1215, so its had 2.5 hours to show its stuff. its only 37 degrees out, this is absurd. i cant wait to climb into my bed. it took us soooo long to get home, we were going to take the E until we saw a G train, but we got off at 71st-continental bc there was a G there.. i dont know why we got off, candace said we should and i thought we should stay on but i was like eh ok, so we went to the G and that E turned out to be the last express, and we fuckin had to sit on the G forfuckingever. we waited seriously 30 minutes for it to leave, possibly longer. verrrry irritating. we got off to take the E, but it was going local so there was no point, this was gonna be the first G out now, and we were stuck. we finally got home, candace made some pasta, and we ate. now im doing this. i have been for a long time. its 2:40 right now. the post time for this jammy will be what time i started it at.. i dont remember when that was, but im sure it was in the 1 or 1:30 region.
anyway i need to do a puzzle. its sunday again, though. so i might skip it and just go to bed. sunday challenges take me longer than the usual puzzle, and im really tired. i have no idea what time i passed out (literally) last night, but i figure it was around 4. i woke up at 10:15. i was nervous when i woke up bc i thought it might be like 12 or something and i had to go to li.. but i just got up then, and i think i prob only added 6 hours of sleep to the 7 id accumulated the last few nights before that. i have to get up at noon tomorrow. i NEED TO do laundry, i have no black socks for work, i have no clean shirts, my towels smell like cigarettes, and im out of underpants. oooh i bought myself some clothes at the mall! i got these black pants with red ties on clearance for $19.99, marked down from $39.99! i also got a blue element t-shirt, its that blue that is on those really old skool disney world shirt with mickey mouse and the dark blue ringers? you know.. its several tones, looks like sweatshirt gray but its blue and it just looks warm and cozy? yah that. it just says element on it, has dark blue rings, and its a little bit bigger than i like my shirts (boys medium), but im really happy. it was only $19. i got them at pacific sunwear. i got my brothers shirts there. this year i got him 4 shirts. im also going to get him a cool lego or two i think. i love buying presents for people!!! YAY!
so anyway i think im gonna skip the challenge and go straight to bed. my hands are freezing, and i need a good 9 hours sleep. or else i will be tired tomorrow, and i cant sleep late again till next monday. UGH. must relish the joy of a good night sleep while i still can..... 3:26am.. ugh, wayy too late right now.......
so last night was a disaster. i have no idea what happened, but it went a little something like this.. i didnt feel like going out, i was feeling blah and sort of antisocial, i was really tired (i only slept like 7 hours in 3 days), i just didnt want to go. but i had to. so i put a bunch of tequila in an empty apple juice bottle and was on my way. got to the bar, had a margarita.. and it started as it always does. i was quiet and worried that it was gonna suck, but i cheered up a bit.. michael and i went to the jukebox and picked out like 20 songs, like reo speedwagon's "keep on loving you," journey's "open arms," "welcome to the jungle," some eagles, some johnny cash, some skynyrd.. it was a blast. i chugged my drink, which was super strong. drank most of the tequila i'd brought (about 4 shots.. i shared it with kim and jenna, it was originally like 8 shots), michael got me a shot of patron.. i was wrecked. we ate mozzerella sticks and yelled the lyrics.. the bar was pretty empty, it was this little tiny dive bar on the lower east side, and michael works there. but as reo speedwagon was coming on, a group of like early 30s ppl came in and got all nostalgic over it. i was having a great time, laughing and singing, i was falling down, i couldnt stand up at all, and i kept insisting that i still knew my name, which was a problem (i sounded just like drunk girl. it was horrible in hindsight lol).. then i got really nauseas. i took kim to the bathroom and i threw up a lot. a lot a lot.. long story short, bart made us come out of the bathroom bc other people needed to use it or something, and we caught a cab. i apparently passed out in the cab, bc i dont remember the ride to kims apartment at all. bart said that if i had to puke, i could do so on him. i kind of remember going over a bridge, and i got really nauseas a couple of minutes before we got there and i was insisting that we had to pull over bc i had to vomit again. they said we were only a few blocks away, and that i had to hold on. they made me lean closer to the window (over kim) to get cold air. i do not at all remember getting out of the cab, walking to the building, entering the building, or her bathroom. i vaguely remember throwing off my coat and going straight to the bathroom.. by then, i was so sick and i felt like crap and i drifted in and out of consciousness.. i remember i was just being like "i just want to die, thats all i want to do, thats all i want to do" over and over again. thats how horrible i felt. but kim was holding my hair back and kissing the top of my head and saying "but i love you" and bart was like "no baby, yr just drunk." not like mean baby, like endearing baby. all i have to say is that i have the best friends to have ever walked the face of the earth when it comes down to it. sometimes they piss me off, sometimes they upset me, but when it comes down to their trueness, its all there. these kids are there for you when you need them, and they truly love me. and i love them. kim wouldnt even leave the bathroom when i had to pee, bc she was afraid id pass out or something. instead she stood behind the shower curtain bc at least she was still in there. she was silly drunk, so she made it quite funny, all getting in the bathtub and being like "nope, not leaving. i'll hide behind the shower curtain!" i honestly dont know how many of the people who have gone through my life were ever as wonderful as the group that ive surrounded myself with now. i cant believe its all going to fall apart. but for the first time in my life, im not afraid. i feel like i will always know them. kim is moving back to li at the same time as i am, and she applied to stonybrook for grad school. she'll probably go somewhere away from here, like u penn or columbia, but i know we'll be in touch. bart might be getting a record deal, which is kind of exciting, and he has promised to take me away from here when they get it. and even if i have to stay, im sure i'll hear from him and see them whenever they are in town and visit them and all that.. plus they are motivated to come out to li at least in august bc i promised we'd go to the beach. anyway.. so i guess i passed out with my head over the toilet. according to kim, she and bart carried me to her bed. i woke up this morning and i didnt know where i was for a good 35 seconds. it was kind of intense, i realized i wasnt in my bed and i started to be a wee bit anxious, but my contacts cleared up a little, and then i looked around and i saw kim. i was extra confused bc i figured out that i was in kims room, but she had changed it around, she moved her bed and stuff, so then i was confused again. but like i said, i saw her so i was like.. ahhh. ok. then sylvia walked by, she had spent the night with baxter (who ditched us saturday night to hang out with her) and she made fun of me bc she said that she had tried to come in and wake me up to talk to me, but i was passed out and she couldnt get me to wake up. (speaking of sylvia, i was supposed to go to her farewell party tonight, shes moving back to florida tuesday.. i wanted to go, bc i like sylvia and i wanted to say goodbye, but we got home so late, and im so tired..) kim told me that she had stayed up all night with the boys, routinely checking to make sure i had a pulse. i cant believe i was that messed up. i didnt drink that much. six shots and a margarita.. i mean, for alkaline trio i took 9 shots, i can handle my liquor.. i think it was because i drank most of it in minutes.. 5 of those shots came one after another. i felt like shit all day today. first of all, kim put me to bed in my clothes, everything but my shoes.. and she left my studded bracelet on me, so i *know* i slept on it (bc i always sleep with my wrist tucked under my chest) and i have a huge bruise there. its all ouchy. i puked a bunch this morning, and then i watched like half of joe dirt with kim. it was hilarious to us, bc joe dirt reminds us of baxter completely. the way he talks.. its just slightly country, and its a mellow voice, like stoner meets slow southern drawl.. and even the way he says "right on." we were like "sooo baxter!" but alas, i had to go so i only got up to the part where the shit comes out of the warhead he has strapped to him.. ill have to rent it and see what happens.
so anyway. i had to meet candace to go to LI for xmas shopping, and we agreed to take the 12:36 train out of jamaica. i was already at kims (three stops from jamiaca), so i told candace to meet me at the station. i told her to ride the front of the train and to meet me on the platform. but i said to just ride the first car bc thats where you come down the stairs, she thought i meant thats where the stairs to the lirr were and that id meet her on that platform. so i got there right after her, and i waited on the E platform like i said i would.. but she was waiting upstairs in the waiting room bc she didnt know which train we were supposed to take (and she thought id already be on the platform upstairs). i sat down there until 1:20. my watch band broke, so i only had my phone to tell the time, but since i have sprint now, the clock is satellite and i cant tell what time it is when im in the subway.. i finally asked someone what time it was, and he said 1:15.. so i had to call my brother and tell him not to come get us at 130 bc we wouldnt be there, i was still waiting for candace. but then i checked my voicemail and she had left me three messages that she was upstairs, and where was i.. that was really annoying. i can see how she misinterpreted what i said.. i didnt put it very clearly, so its my fault too. but we got to li at 230 instead, and we went to the mall. i got super fabulous gifts for everyone. i have to shop for my mommy still, though. i got her three things today, but nothing important. i still have $125 to spend. i have to get for my grandfather, nick, and jill and eric still also, but i will prob only need about $50 for those all together. that leaves $75 more for my mom, bc i finished my dad and linda and my brother. i got little things for my cousins and my godparents, i got a babys first christmas ornament for sean (its soo cute).. my mother got us stuff for jay. oh and i have to get a bottle of wine for one of my dads brothers. my bro is gonna get the other bottle, so it'll be half. i really want to get her two or three cds, and she wanted some stuff from eckerd. and i think im gonna get her an iou for a day at a spa, so she can get a facial and ill get a massage. but im going to give her the option of a day in the city or on long island, so i dont want to get a gift certificate. i still have to get antonias gift, but i dont know if she reads this thing so im not gonna say what it is. even though she probably already knows. i have to get something for katie too. damn. i hope chevys is busy tomorrow. actually.. i can dig into rent money bc im working like 45 hours this week. its our busiest week at work.. a bazillion people are in town for new years and since xmas is a thursday a lot of people will have a long weekend, and they will shop with their gift certificates or return stuff they dont want, and they will eat mexican food. im working friday night, a double saturday, a double sunday, monday night, and a double tuesday. all good sections. actually, all phenomenal sections. i have a night bar on sunday, section 8 both friday and sat night (one of the best in my opinion), day 4 both sat and sun morning (4 booths, muy bueno) and even some really good shifts on monday and tuesday. only one of my shifts is in the back (but its section 10, so it has two booths) and they are all money sections. so ill make an easy $600 this week. if i dont, then im doing something wrong. i should make at least $100 on friday, probably $200+ on both saturday and sunday, $50 on monday, and $100 on tuesday. that would be awesome. especially if my mom just gives me some money to get a guitar with, then bart and i can go and find me a guitar and not worry about the cost bc ill be a millionaire. or at least feel like one.
im wearing way too many clothes right now. i put sweatpants on over my regular pants, and i put a regular sweater on over the cardigan.. still have my winter hat on with hoodie over it. the heat also hasnt come on yet. we got home at like 1215, so its had 2.5 hours to show its stuff. its only 37 degrees out, this is absurd. i cant wait to climb into my bed. it took us soooo long to get home, we were going to take the E until we saw a G train, but we got off at 71st-continental bc there was a G there.. i dont know why we got off, candace said we should and i thought we should stay on but i was like eh ok, so we went to the G and that E turned out to be the last express, and we fuckin had to sit on the G forfuckingever. we waited seriously 30 minutes for it to leave, possibly longer. verrrry irritating. we got off to take the E, but it was going local so there was no point, this was gonna be the first G out now, and we were stuck. we finally got home, candace made some pasta, and we ate. now im doing this. i have been for a long time. its 2:40 right now. the post time for this jammy will be what time i started it at.. i dont remember when that was, but im sure it was in the 1 or 1:30 region.
anyway i need to do a puzzle. its sunday again, though. so i might skip it and just go to bed. sunday challenges take me longer than the usual puzzle, and im really tired. i have no idea what time i passed out (literally) last night, but i figure it was around 4. i woke up at 10:15. i was nervous when i woke up bc i thought it might be like 12 or something and i had to go to li.. but i just got up then, and i think i prob only added 6 hours of sleep to the 7 id accumulated the last few nights before that. i have to get up at noon tomorrow. i NEED TO do laundry, i have no black socks for work, i have no clean shirts, my towels smell like cigarettes, and im out of underpants. oooh i bought myself some clothes at the mall! i got these black pants with red ties on clearance for $19.99, marked down from $39.99! i also got a blue element t-shirt, its that blue that is on those really old skool disney world shirt with mickey mouse and the dark blue ringers? you know.. its several tones, looks like sweatshirt gray but its blue and it just looks warm and cozy? yah that. it just says element on it, has dark blue rings, and its a little bit bigger than i like my shirts (boys medium), but im really happy. it was only $19. i got them at pacific sunwear. i got my brothers shirts there. this year i got him 4 shirts. im also going to get him a cool lego or two i think. i love buying presents for people!!! YAY!
so anyway i think im gonna skip the challenge and go straight to bed. my hands are freezing, and i need a good 9 hours sleep. or else i will be tired tomorrow, and i cant sleep late again till next monday. UGH. must relish the joy of a good night sleep while i still can..... 3:26am.. ugh, wayy too late right now.......
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