is it too late to heal?

ugh. today was rough. last night, i closed work, and shasta asked if i wanted to get a drink after. so i decided i would, and we went to bull moose. a drink turned into "wanna split a pitcher of beer?" which i knew was a bad idea, but i said ok. we got sam adams octoberfest, which is my second favorite beer (behind brooklyn brown). shasta is a drinker, so i kind of expected that she would drink most of the beer, but it was pretty much equal and i was fucked by the third round. however, when we finished, shasta felt like having a bottle of magic hat, which tastes like flowers, and i got another pint of sam. we played a bunch of songs on the jukebox. lyrnyrd skynyrd, black crowes, rolling stones.. we played "tainted love" also. we bonded over hole's "pretty on the inside," while singing "teenage whore." these old men, ok middle aged, but thats old, kinda hit on us and we were like oh god. she knew who babes in toyland are, which was really exciting for me. i have been thinking about getting fontanelle on cd, i have it on tape, but i dont listen to tapes, and its at my mothers house somewhere, who even knows where. i actually dont have any babes cds, i had them all on tape. maybe i'll add them to my wishlist... anyway. we reminsced about the old no doubt. i told her about being at the "dont speak" video, and still having the flowers. i told her about the long island scene, which i plan to return to in a few months, and all that, and she talked about california and justin. so we talked and had fun, and we had another round, then we were like ugh we have to go.. so we staggered through the FREEZING COLD from 44th St to 54th St, where shasta lives, but we were drunk so it wasnt so bad. we laughed and smoked. i took a taxi back to brooklyn, but i got car sick as i always do when i ride in a cab when im drunk, which ruined everything. i know i have to keep my eyes closed in the cab, but i was nervous that the driver didnt know where he was going (my apartment is in a kind of obscure area) so i kept looking and i got dizzy... vomitting ensued as soon as i got home, but luckily i had picked up a gatorade while we were walking up 9th ave and i could rehydrate. woohoo. i went to my bed in my clothes but i still had spins and i had to go back to the bathroom. i thought about waking up candace bc i felt like crap, but then i decided i am a big girl and could handle it alone. so i just laid down with my light on and passed out. i felt bad when i got up this morning bc i had just thrown my coat and bag and sweatshirt onto the couch when i got home cos i was really nauseas.

anyway. so the baby dancing elephants upstairs are in full swing. it sounds like people are running around. it is the worst. i really hope that the rest of the time i have left in this apartment goes quickly. i love it, i do, but the noise upstairs is sometimes unbearable. ok, always. seriously, they make this much noise at 4 am. this afternoon there was salsa music blaring upstairs. i wanna blast music back, but im afraid that i'll upset the rest of my neighbors, and i dont want to do that. maybe they have a small pony up there.

im really against the fact that we are having winter weather already. when i was on long island and in college, i loved snow because at home i had a car, and at pace i lived in the same building as i went to school in. last winter was horrendous, 13 blocks to the subway and icy cold bc of the wind off the river. the walk here is only 4 minutes, as opposed to 8 or 9, but thats still too many, and the G platform is always always cold. plus the river is waaay closer and the wind is much harsher, boo.

i just called kimberly, but she didnt answer. i havent talked to her in forever. she called me on thanksgiving and i talked to her like 5 mins but we have been playing phone tag ever since. my back hurts. candace went grocery shopping and im kinda of jealous that she has food. maybe ill get some cereal on the way home tomorrow. i could have some fettucine alfredo, now that we have milk, but im not that hungry and im not in the mood to measure or cook. plus i dont need alfredo to convert to my hip fat over night. i love my girl fat, but it doesnt need to grow at all. it allows for a perfect arm rest ahaha.. anyway.

im going to do the usual crossword puzzle now. im watching leno but i think i will change to letterman instead. goodnight.