is it too late to heal?

woke up at 830 this morning.. checked my short mail, and there was nothing so i was like "ok.. so far, so good." but like 30 seconds later, my phone vibrates.. "my head is spinning and i feel like im gonna throw up, so i dont think im gonna make it out today." yahhh.. i dont know why i thought you would, i dont know why i got so excited, all you ever do is let me down, anyway. so i went back to sleep. now its 1:15. and im sad and wishing that i was awaiting yr visit, even though i hate you. two days of built up excitement, thinking i was going to get hugs and cuddles and blah blah blah. i should have learned a long time ago that i couldn't count on you. why do i even do this to myself? its like i dont even trust you anyway, i never believe yr excuses, i dont really believe that you dont feel good. maybe she wants to see you, maybe you dont wanna come out for such a short time. maybe its fun for you, to get my hopes up and then crush them. maybe i should just say fuck off again. maybe i should stop thinking about you and realize that you will never be here when you say you will, you will never know how much you hurt me, and i will never be happy as long as im tied to the strings you've kept me on for so long..