Saturday, January 03, 2004
breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and i can't be
without that scent. it's filling me
with all you mean to me.
blah day, work work work. thats also what i did last night. i feel like a pile of filth. probably bc i am. i havent showered in two days. its time, friends, its time..
my contacts feel sticky and so does my head. supposed to hang out with john tonight, but feeling like a failure. just want to sleep, so tired. i feel like im always at work.. never getting enough sleep anymore. i slept like 5 hours last night. worked all day. and i worked hard, too. tomorrow i have to work a double. not feeling it. i kinda want to stay on instant messanger all night and babble with my friends. but right now that makes no sense. this screen it hurts my eyes and my back and my mind is warping. melting. today walter (my runner boyfriend) accused me of "fronting on" him yesterday. bc he told me he got off at one, and i said i couldnt wait 29 minutes for him. funny man, he is.
......
i miss you. its been less than 48 hours, but its getting close. i talked to you for a second yesterday online. you said you hoped i wasnt sick. you are so hard to read. and im too much of a pussy to come out and ask you why this happens, why you must not just tell me if yr with her, why you need to keep me at arms length. but i miss you nonetheless. despite realizing that i mean not nearly as much to you as you mean to me. holding on to useless hope, thinking that things could ever be different. but they wont be. im just yr escape from reality. we build our own little world together, and you come here to escape yr normal life every so often. i dont think it could ever be yr normal life. it doesnt hold any of the elements you seem to be drawn to. and besides, you didnt want to be tied down to me. i should absorb these things, i should let you go. but i wont, bc whenever i let go, i miss you and i cave in to the vibration on my phone. thinking that one of these days, you'll be texting me to collect on our slumber party. riiiiiiight...
*i think i miss you most on wednesdays, and saturdays*
it smells like you and i can't be
without that scent. it's filling me
with all you mean to me.
blah day, work work work. thats also what i did last night. i feel like a pile of filth. probably bc i am. i havent showered in two days. its time, friends, its time..
my contacts feel sticky and so does my head. supposed to hang out with john tonight, but feeling like a failure. just want to sleep, so tired. i feel like im always at work.. never getting enough sleep anymore. i slept like 5 hours last night. worked all day. and i worked hard, too. tomorrow i have to work a double. not feeling it. i kinda want to stay on instant messanger all night and babble with my friends. but right now that makes no sense. this screen it hurts my eyes and my back and my mind is warping. melting. today walter (my runner boyfriend) accused me of "fronting on" him yesterday. bc he told me he got off at one, and i said i couldnt wait 29 minutes for him. funny man, he is.
......
i miss you. its been less than 48 hours, but its getting close. i talked to you for a second yesterday online. you said you hoped i wasnt sick. you are so hard to read. and im too much of a pussy to come out and ask you why this happens, why you must not just tell me if yr with her, why you need to keep me at arms length. but i miss you nonetheless. despite realizing that i mean not nearly as much to you as you mean to me. holding on to useless hope, thinking that things could ever be different. but they wont be. im just yr escape from reality. we build our own little world together, and you come here to escape yr normal life every so often. i dont think it could ever be yr normal life. it doesnt hold any of the elements you seem to be drawn to. and besides, you didnt want to be tied down to me. i should absorb these things, i should let you go. but i wont, bc whenever i let go, i miss you and i cave in to the vibration on my phone. thinking that one of these days, you'll be texting me to collect on our slumber party. riiiiiiight...
*i think i miss you most on wednesdays, and saturdays*
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