Monday, January 26, 2004
*i need a catalyst to rekindle the flame that once burned within these fists, where defeat remains. ..cursive*
good evening. night. whatever. morning, even. i worked tonight. surprisingly, i made $110. very good for a sunday night, especially since i had like no tables at all for a loong time. it got kinda busy with the back closed and evens cut, and i got a couple of realllly good tips. after work i went to the diner with jesse and lee harvey oswald. i had a salad, two eggs over medium with american cheese, toast, and mashed potatoes. and i had chocolate pudding for dessert. yum yum.
my schedule sucks this week. im working wednesday and thursday, off friday, and im working saturday and sunday. thats it. i cant go see against me! because im working (oh well, i didnt really have the money anyway). but im hoping that the enigma can make an appearance friday night.. he seemed like he wanted to hang out, and im hoping friday would be a good day. we could even have a slumber party. and i would looove that. im gonna send him a message tomorrow, saying that he should totally stop in at chevy's wednesday and hook me up with a hug, since against me! are playing next door, and he's going. i deserve a hug.
i have nothing to say. i feel like im forcing myself. i dont know why. i think im depressed. arent i always? no, i mean.. i dont know, i just feel numb. i havent even been miserable lately. sometimes i think i'd rather be miserable, bc at least then i feel. there are a ton of things i could say about the boy, but i feel like so many words are wasted on him day in and day out. im always thinking about it, or writing things in here. or in my paper journal. but it gets me nowhere, im not like happier or with him bc i write about it. besides, do i even wanna be with him? i dont have time, he doesnt have time.. and he cheated on his girlfriend a few times. he might still be cheating on her, only im too much of a pussy to ask. it annoys me that i know this should upset me and make me wary of wanting to be with him. i dont know. it doesnt, what else can i say? maybe im addicted to him. blaaaah. all i know is that i want cuddles and all night hugs, and i want them NOW. or at least friday. that would be ok, too.
good evening. night. whatever. morning, even. i worked tonight. surprisingly, i made $110. very good for a sunday night, especially since i had like no tables at all for a loong time. it got kinda busy with the back closed and evens cut, and i got a couple of realllly good tips. after work i went to the diner with jesse and lee harvey oswald. i had a salad, two eggs over medium with american cheese, toast, and mashed potatoes. and i had chocolate pudding for dessert. yum yum.
my schedule sucks this week. im working wednesday and thursday, off friday, and im working saturday and sunday. thats it. i cant go see against me! because im working (oh well, i didnt really have the money anyway). but im hoping that the enigma can make an appearance friday night.. he seemed like he wanted to hang out, and im hoping friday would be a good day. we could even have a slumber party. and i would looove that. im gonna send him a message tomorrow, saying that he should totally stop in at chevy's wednesday and hook me up with a hug, since against me! are playing next door, and he's going. i deserve a hug.
i have nothing to say. i feel like im forcing myself. i dont know why. i think im depressed. arent i always? no, i mean.. i dont know, i just feel numb. i havent even been miserable lately. sometimes i think i'd rather be miserable, bc at least then i feel. there are a ton of things i could say about the boy, but i feel like so many words are wasted on him day in and day out. im always thinking about it, or writing things in here. or in my paper journal. but it gets me nowhere, im not like happier or with him bc i write about it. besides, do i even wanna be with him? i dont have time, he doesnt have time.. and he cheated on his girlfriend a few times. he might still be cheating on her, only im too much of a pussy to ask. it annoys me that i know this should upset me and make me wary of wanting to be with him. i dont know. it doesnt, what else can i say? maybe im addicted to him. blaaaah. all i know is that i want cuddles and all night hugs, and i want them NOW. or at least friday. that would be ok, too.
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