is it too late to heal?

lost in the past again tonight. i read yr away messages and something rises within me. kinda wish i could be the reason you dont need to drink all the time again. kinda wish i could be yr drug again. kinda wish i could make you as happy as i did, and you could make me as happy as i was then. sometimes i really miss you. i miss that. i miss feeling like everything made sense. it was yr hands, yr eyes, the way you looked at me with that little kid look. it was video games and movies and undressed. it was falling asleep in the downstairs of yr house, me on the couch, you on the floor, holding hands, obeying the rules. it was getting dressed up for valentines day, it was trips to the italian ice place, it was shows and a sober year of my life. a SOBER YEAR of my life. that always floors me.. i didnt need any kind of substance to be happy and in love and at ease. i didn't drink, i didn't do drugs, i was just sober every day. i was so comfortable with you.. what happened to us? what happened to that? it started to fall apart.. i cant remember when or how. i remember june. i remember you taking that girl to her prom.. you never asked me if it would bother me, if it would upset me, you just told her you'd go. and then yr phone was off all night. you said the battery died.. but it made me so sad, it hurt me so much, you on a date, at a prom, with a girl who you once believed you were in love with.. i dont know. it wasnt like i thought you would cheat on me, and it wasnt like i didnt trust you.. but something about it made me feel so secondary and pushed aside and like it didnt matter to you if i had feelings, or if you hurt them. but its where everything changed for me. its where i began to push you away. i dont remember the ensuing summer. i dont remember what we did. i know we spent a lot of time at the house in the hamptons. i worked at applebees. things fell apart. maybe we pushed each other away. maybe we weren't really in love, and i just have this crazy memory of things that happened and moments in time that warmed my heart. maybe its bc the bad memories have always taken the backseat to the good ones. because when i think of you, i just smile and remember the moments frozen in time, the moments that made me feel like i was the luckiest girl in the world. maybe its time for me to focus on the bad ones? but i'd rather remember you as the bright shiny boy who taught me to love..