Tuesday, January 06, 2004
watching letterman. i was really productive today. i went to pace, and i took care of all of my crap for becoming a certified teacher. no more school for me! just schooling others. ok, well i have to write my thesis, but.. that doesnt count. so i have to get my ass in gear, or else i'll be in trouble. i was there all day, dreading running into people i havent seen in 2 years. i never have anything to say. went to the SARS office to request transcripts, went to the notary on beekman st.. picked up my pictures at duane reade. came home, had dinner, played guitar for 4 hours while talking to mike and katie and jesse on aim. mike told me how to play "hands down." but considering that i dont really even have the stretchability in my fingers for anything, playing a chord that requires my fingers to be 4 frets apart doesnt work out as well as i'd like it to. i will get it though. i will! mike said he would help me, too. so thats two prospective mentors.
im just kinda coasting right now.. im suffering from a serious lack of any emotion. not just significant emotion, but any at all. i am not driven by anything. i need to meet some boy to crush on. or maybe i dont, bc love is a waste of time. couples are stupid anyway. im eventually gonna find someone and be so giddy and be a stupid couple. but i will NEVER sit on the same side of the booth. and if my man tried to come over and sit with me, i would be like "um, what are you doing? thats yr side, this is mine. thaaaanks." i wanna meet someone exactly like chaz, bc he was the best boyfriend i ever had, and he is exactly what i wanted. even though he hates me now, he was everything i ever wanted in a boy, and i'd like to meet someone who is just like him.. though im pretty sure he would be irreplacable, and that now i have to start over in finding what i want. maybe im just good on boys for a while. maybe i just need to learn to not need affection. blah blah blah. im tired of everything in my life. i cant wait to make a new one in seven months. i hope the script is better.
im just kinda coasting right now.. im suffering from a serious lack of any emotion. not just significant emotion, but any at all. i am not driven by anything. i need to meet some boy to crush on. or maybe i dont, bc love is a waste of time. couples are stupid anyway. im eventually gonna find someone and be so giddy and be a stupid couple. but i will NEVER sit on the same side of the booth. and if my man tried to come over and sit with me, i would be like "um, what are you doing? thats yr side, this is mine. thaaaanks." i wanna meet someone exactly like chaz, bc he was the best boyfriend i ever had, and he is exactly what i wanted. even though he hates me now, he was everything i ever wanted in a boy, and i'd like to meet someone who is just like him.. though im pretty sure he would be irreplacable, and that now i have to start over in finding what i want. maybe im just good on boys for a while. maybe i just need to learn to not need affection. blah blah blah. im tired of everything in my life. i cant wait to make a new one in seven months. i hope the script is better.
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