Thursday, February 05, 2004
*ive waited hours for this, ive made myself so sick, i wish i had stayed asleep today.. i never thought this day would end, i never thought tonight could ever be this close to me.. just try to see in the dark, just try to make it work, to feel the fear before you're here.. i make the shapes come much too close, i pull my eyes out, hold my breath and wait until i shake..* the cure.
so close, so close, so close. watching the king of queens so as to be a wee bit distracted from the excitement that is practically crippling me right now. seriously. my belly is erupting, i havent been able to eat all day. my nerves are fraying on both ends. i cleaned my room. i cleaned the living room. i straightened the bathroom. i did NOT do the dishes. i see no reason to do them, because it will take me a little while and ill be bored and they are gross right now. i should wash the not so gross ones, and soak the pot full of refried beans crud that candace left in there since like sunday. maybe after i take a shower. cos im sure ill still be full of nervous energy at that point. im trying to wait as long as possible before i get in the shower. he said he would probably leave his house at like 7. which means 7:30. im still freaking out that something will come up, and at the last minute he will bail. but i have faith right now, because he is the one who reminded *me* this morning, at 10:19. so there. and he asked if he should pick up the movie, which is going to be bring it on again, bc its been our joke since i saw the commercial about a month again. i said he could, or we could rent it when he gets here. we shall see. he is online right now. i am under away message guise, however. my phone is not vibrating with messages today, i have had to check the wireless web every so often.. i think ive used like 500 minutes today just checking.
AAH! AAH! AAH! seriously, right now all i want to do is run around my apartment screaming. only its way too small to allow that, and besides it would be outrageous of me. so instead i sit here and type aimlessly, bc then my fingers are kind of running around the keyboard. AAAAAH! what the hell is wrong with me? why do i get like this and freak out and all this stuff? oh.my.god.oh.my.god.oh.my.god. OH MY GOD. what am i going to wear? i hate all my clothes right now. why do i even care? its just clothes. im cold. the heat just came on. maybe im just cold bc im FREAKING OUT. candace is going to the movies with mark. she wanted to sleep elsewhere tonight, but i guess mark was the only person who was free, and she said she cant sleep at his place anymore bc he smokes in his bathroom and there is no ventilation and it makes her sinuses hurt. i did not ask her not to be home though, so its all good. i have to listen carefully for the pitter patter of her boots coming up the stairs, though. and the key in the door. and remember that shes coming and could walk in at anytime. so the couch has to remain super make out free until she is home and safe in her room. blah blah blah blah blah. remember he said he was gonna leave around 7? well hes still on AIM. cmon dude. i cant wait. im like freaking out, remember? remember? REMEBER? yah.. dude, you gotta sign off and be on yr way. its 6:53. i guess he said he was gonna wait till his sister came over to leave. so maybe she's not there yet. maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. i also thought i would get in the shower at 7, but i refuse to go in there until he signs off, so at least i can kinda think he might be on his way.
ok. this has become painful. im stopping now. wish me luck, i might be back in a little while, all sad and distraught with news that he has failed me and im never speaking to him again........
so close, so close, so close. watching the king of queens so as to be a wee bit distracted from the excitement that is practically crippling me right now. seriously. my belly is erupting, i havent been able to eat all day. my nerves are fraying on both ends. i cleaned my room. i cleaned the living room. i straightened the bathroom. i did NOT do the dishes. i see no reason to do them, because it will take me a little while and ill be bored and they are gross right now. i should wash the not so gross ones, and soak the pot full of refried beans crud that candace left in there since like sunday. maybe after i take a shower. cos im sure ill still be full of nervous energy at that point. im trying to wait as long as possible before i get in the shower. he said he would probably leave his house at like 7. which means 7:30. im still freaking out that something will come up, and at the last minute he will bail. but i have faith right now, because he is the one who reminded *me* this morning, at 10:19. so there. and he asked if he should pick up the movie, which is going to be bring it on again, bc its been our joke since i saw the commercial about a month again. i said he could, or we could rent it when he gets here. we shall see. he is online right now. i am under away message guise, however. my phone is not vibrating with messages today, i have had to check the wireless web every so often.. i think ive used like 500 minutes today just checking.
AAH! AAH! AAH! seriously, right now all i want to do is run around my apartment screaming. only its way too small to allow that, and besides it would be outrageous of me. so instead i sit here and type aimlessly, bc then my fingers are kind of running around the keyboard. AAAAAH! what the hell is wrong with me? why do i get like this and freak out and all this stuff? oh.my.god.oh.my.god.oh.my.god. OH MY GOD. what am i going to wear? i hate all my clothes right now. why do i even care? its just clothes. im cold. the heat just came on. maybe im just cold bc im FREAKING OUT. candace is going to the movies with mark. she wanted to sleep elsewhere tonight, but i guess mark was the only person who was free, and she said she cant sleep at his place anymore bc he smokes in his bathroom and there is no ventilation and it makes her sinuses hurt. i did not ask her not to be home though, so its all good. i have to listen carefully for the pitter patter of her boots coming up the stairs, though. and the key in the door. and remember that shes coming and could walk in at anytime. so the couch has to remain super make out free until she is home and safe in her room. blah blah blah blah blah. remember he said he was gonna leave around 7? well hes still on AIM. cmon dude. i cant wait. im like freaking out, remember? remember? REMEBER? yah.. dude, you gotta sign off and be on yr way. its 6:53. i guess he said he was gonna wait till his sister came over to leave. so maybe she's not there yet. maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. i also thought i would get in the shower at 7, but i refuse to go in there until he signs off, so at least i can kinda think he might be on his way.
ok. this has become painful. im stopping now. wish me luck, i might be back in a little while, all sad and distraught with news that he has failed me and im never speaking to him again........
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