Saturday, February 14, 2004
swallow, choke, and die.
i cried like 19 times today. i hate valentines day, i always realize that no one will ever love me. oh they'll love things about me, or they'll love having sex with me. but they'll never *love* me. no one. im unlovable.
then i lost my wallet. complete with debit card, license, 3 day old monthly metrocard ($70!!!!!), rutgers ID and blockbuster card. motherfuckers. i dont know how cigarettes will be purchased. i guess tomorrow ill ask kim (ok beg kim, cos shes anti smoking) to get me a pack, and then i can get my brother to buy me some when im on LI. but ugh. im almost 24 years old and im not going to be able to buy cigarettes. i think ill be able to have my metrocard balance protected, but ugh. the person who found it already made a $20 charge on the fuckin debit card. now that has to be investigated (even though i was ON THE PHONE with a rep when he charge was made) and im mad. mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad. so over this crap. so over today.
valentines day should burn, and so should most people. im so tired of fake people, im tired of people who play games and fuck up minds. like im not a person, like i dont feel, like im not human with human emotions that matter and that get hurt when these stupid fucking games wont stop.
i said SWALLOW CHOKE AND DIE. and i meant it.
i cried like 19 times today. i hate valentines day, i always realize that no one will ever love me. oh they'll love things about me, or they'll love having sex with me. but they'll never *love* me. no one. im unlovable.
then i lost my wallet. complete with debit card, license, 3 day old monthly metrocard ($70!!!!!), rutgers ID and blockbuster card. motherfuckers. i dont know how cigarettes will be purchased. i guess tomorrow ill ask kim (ok beg kim, cos shes anti smoking) to get me a pack, and then i can get my brother to buy me some when im on LI. but ugh. im almost 24 years old and im not going to be able to buy cigarettes. i think ill be able to have my metrocard balance protected, but ugh. the person who found it already made a $20 charge on the fuckin debit card. now that has to be investigated (even though i was ON THE PHONE with a rep when he charge was made) and im mad. mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad. so over this crap. so over today.
valentines day should burn, and so should most people. im so tired of fake people, im tired of people who play games and fuck up minds. like im not a person, like i dont feel, like im not human with human emotions that matter and that get hurt when these stupid fucking games wont stop.
i said SWALLOW CHOKE AND DIE. and i meant it.
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