Saturday, March 20, 2004
*lets get one thing straight, we don't have any answers. we are proposals in a cosmic nursery.. and these massive stars theyre just little twinkles if i cant possess them at such magnificence.. so if you can really hear me, and you really think you believe in it then there must be some kind of privelege here to putter around with such an existence and if you see me on some stage and you believe it's really me over there well, there's a chance it's not really me.. maybe we're not ourselves at all and maybe being is simply believing that each breath we take in must lead to another breath out, one more breath away from yesterday and a timeline of yesterdays filled in with love or with pain or whatever bullshit we smear on our sleeves ive found my cause, and this is it there are no answers..
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is?
is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is this all there is?*
cursive
so i worked tonight. wasnt so bad. i got finished with my shift at 11:20, so it was an early night, and i made $80, which wasnt too bad for 6 hours, i guess. i'd like to have made more, but given my station, this was the best i could really hope for. im listening to cursive.. the song up there is "proposals." the cd is the storms of early summer. it soooooooo gooooooood!!!! good times, ooollllddd cursive. 1998. not that old i guess, but its def early cursive. the newer cds dont sound like this.
work was alright, it was kinda cool bc we asked derek if he wanted to come to vegas and he was like "hells yes" so hes probably going to come. im thinking we'll go mon 4/5 - fri 4/9.. for like $400 each, which is not much at all. we were talking about it, and we were like "imagine derek comes? we'd always be like 'remember when we went to vegas with derek???'" cos it would be insane. that kids been to vegas many times and he is so cut out for that city. i could see him in avaitor glasses. drunk at all times. it would be like living fear and loathing.. i cant wait. its gonna be rad if he comes, a nonstop party.
my back is hurting substantially right now. i ate a whole box of velvetta rotini with brocolli. thats kinda gross. i was hungry. the only other thing i ate today was three chips ahoy cookies and.. um, like a half a bag of individually wrapped lifesavers. i had them at work tonight. everyone else wanted to eat them. i shared with kim and bart and lee and shasta. shaena kept looking at me longingly, so i gave her some. she asked me and kim to be in a band with her, and we were like "we already have a band, the angsters." and she was like "ill sing!" and she wanted to help write the songs, and they should be like "help the world" songs.. and we were like, yah we might have to kick you out, sorry. cos like, why would we be called the ANGSTers if we wanted to write songs that were happy or concerned with the state of the world? we told her there would be no britney beats. she was like "why not?" and we just laughed. crazy girl.
i cant wait to go to vegas! my horoscope every day this week has been talking about planning to go to new and exciting destination. im like its fate!!!! im MEANT to go to vegas. and i dont know if i already said this, but no one reads it anyway so i can repeat myself all i want.. but yah, so last year in like maybe jan or feb i had my cards read.. and she said that my love life was going to be on a plateau for about a year, but around a year from then i'd be taking a plane somewhere.. and that was when i'd find love. i totally forgot about this until ike 2 nights ago when i was talking to mike, and its kinda weird bc i remember when she mentioned flying somewhere, i immediately thought of vegas, but at that time i had no plans to go there.. i dont quite remember if she said i would find love there in my destination or when i got back, but she also mentioned that i would be moving shortly thereafter as well (which is true,since im moving in july).. so she might have said that it was going to be when i moved but i know they were all three connected. imagine i fall in love with derek? that would be funny. thats wholly unrealistic though, cos hes not a musician (though he is a writer), and he is totally an alcoholic. plus he has no plans of staying in NY or the US even. he was telling me at the diner last week that this is going to be his last american lease. its up in january, but he might stay another year after that.. he wants to move to prague, but he thinks thats typical. he said something like "an american writer in prague. how likely." anyway. it would be funny, but that will not happen. maybe ill come back married to some weirdo. ahahahaa.. nah. im not really concerned, honestly. i aint got no room in my life for love, no sir. fuck love.
anyway mike is online now so i shall chat with him, maybe smoke a wee bit more and then sleeeeep. cos im sleepy. nite nite!
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is?
is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is that what this is? is this all there is?
am i what i am? am i what i am? is this all there is?*
cursive
so i worked tonight. wasnt so bad. i got finished with my shift at 11:20, so it was an early night, and i made $80, which wasnt too bad for 6 hours, i guess. i'd like to have made more, but given my station, this was the best i could really hope for. im listening to cursive.. the song up there is "proposals." the cd is the storms of early summer. it soooooooo gooooooood!!!! good times, ooollllddd cursive. 1998. not that old i guess, but its def early cursive. the newer cds dont sound like this.
work was alright, it was kinda cool bc we asked derek if he wanted to come to vegas and he was like "hells yes" so hes probably going to come. im thinking we'll go mon 4/5 - fri 4/9.. for like $400 each, which is not much at all. we were talking about it, and we were like "imagine derek comes? we'd always be like 'remember when we went to vegas with derek???'" cos it would be insane. that kids been to vegas many times and he is so cut out for that city. i could see him in avaitor glasses. drunk at all times. it would be like living fear and loathing.. i cant wait. its gonna be rad if he comes, a nonstop party.
my back is hurting substantially right now. i ate a whole box of velvetta rotini with brocolli. thats kinda gross. i was hungry. the only other thing i ate today was three chips ahoy cookies and.. um, like a half a bag of individually wrapped lifesavers. i had them at work tonight. everyone else wanted to eat them. i shared with kim and bart and lee and shasta. shaena kept looking at me longingly, so i gave her some. she asked me and kim to be in a band with her, and we were like "we already have a band, the angsters." and she was like "ill sing!" and she wanted to help write the songs, and they should be like "help the world" songs.. and we were like, yah we might have to kick you out, sorry. cos like, why would we be called the ANGSTers if we wanted to write songs that were happy or concerned with the state of the world? we told her there would be no britney beats. she was like "why not?" and we just laughed. crazy girl.
i cant wait to go to vegas! my horoscope every day this week has been talking about planning to go to new and exciting destination. im like its fate!!!! im MEANT to go to vegas. and i dont know if i already said this, but no one reads it anyway so i can repeat myself all i want.. but yah, so last year in like maybe jan or feb i had my cards read.. and she said that my love life was going to be on a plateau for about a year, but around a year from then i'd be taking a plane somewhere.. and that was when i'd find love. i totally forgot about this until ike 2 nights ago when i was talking to mike, and its kinda weird bc i remember when she mentioned flying somewhere, i immediately thought of vegas, but at that time i had no plans to go there.. i dont quite remember if she said i would find love there in my destination or when i got back, but she also mentioned that i would be moving shortly thereafter as well (which is true,since im moving in july).. so she might have said that it was going to be when i moved but i know they were all three connected. imagine i fall in love with derek? that would be funny. thats wholly unrealistic though, cos hes not a musician (though he is a writer), and he is totally an alcoholic. plus he has no plans of staying in NY or the US even. he was telling me at the diner last week that this is going to be his last american lease. its up in january, but he might stay another year after that.. he wants to move to prague, but he thinks thats typical. he said something like "an american writer in prague. how likely." anyway. it would be funny, but that will not happen. maybe ill come back married to some weirdo. ahahahaa.. nah. im not really concerned, honestly. i aint got no room in my life for love, no sir. fuck love.
anyway mike is online now so i shall chat with him, maybe smoke a wee bit more and then sleeeeep. cos im sleepy. nite nite!
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