Friday, March 19, 2004
*of all the great inventions constructed from the unstoppable molecule.. nothing can resolve its magnetic impulse.. to club me into silence.. to club me into silence. you, you broke my heart before i had the chance to fall in love. you, you broke my heart before i had the chance to fall in love. what am i, what am i supposed to do? what am i, what am i supposed to do? you say those words, they're just beyond me. you say those words, they're just beyond me.. where do you start when you are already in the middle of things?*
grade <3 <3
i love grade. mmm canadian screamo. so. im listening to grade while waching upn.crossing over has just ended, i will be watching classmates after this short commercial break. yesterday, this girl got reunited with this boy she liked in high school, and he turned out to be gay.
so last night i IMed with the enigma, and it went badly. not that he knows it did. we were just talking and i asked him if they were playing with scraps and heartattacks anytime soon, and he said they played a few weeks ago with scraps, and the last show was on li, and it was so much fun, i should have come.. and i was like "how could i have come, when i didnt know about it?" so that turned into that, which somehow turned into me and kim making out (dude, hes obsessed with that idea) and so i was like "well, what if it was kim and someone else, shes cuter than me anyway" and he said he didnt agree, and "you know yr hot" and i was like "yah, wish i wasnt." so he was like "huh, why??" and i said "last weekend bart said 'yr so pretty gille. you'll make some boy very happy.' and i was like greeaaaaat. not bc im smart or fun or funny, but cos im pretty?" and so he was like "he probably meant that yr fun and smart and super, which you are, and also pretty, so its a great package." and so im like "yah, well then why in the past two years has no one wanted to be with me?" ...and i was fully prepared to be like you know this isnt fair i cant move on bc of you, but you dont wanna be with me .. and he goes "maybe yr trying too hard, itll come when you least expect it. i gotta jet." i was like FUCK. i wanted to tell him that this isnt fair, i wanted to be like im over it, you have to stop contacting me, bc as long as yr in my life, im going to keep giving myself to you in hopes that this time will be the time that you realize that you want to be with me. but no. for the past year its just been the use of my body. at first maybe you cared, but when you realized that you could have me and not have to be with me.... fuck you. i cant. ive got to move on.
anyway. im gonna go dry my hair.
grade <3 <3
i love grade. mmm canadian screamo. so. im listening to grade while waching upn.crossing over has just ended, i will be watching classmates after this short commercial break. yesterday, this girl got reunited with this boy she liked in high school, and he turned out to be gay.
so last night i IMed with the enigma, and it went badly. not that he knows it did. we were just talking and i asked him if they were playing with scraps and heartattacks anytime soon, and he said they played a few weeks ago with scraps, and the last show was on li, and it was so much fun, i should have come.. and i was like "how could i have come, when i didnt know about it?" so that turned into that, which somehow turned into me and kim making out (dude, hes obsessed with that idea) and so i was like "well, what if it was kim and someone else, shes cuter than me anyway" and he said he didnt agree, and "you know yr hot" and i was like "yah, wish i wasnt." so he was like "huh, why??" and i said "last weekend bart said 'yr so pretty gille. you'll make some boy very happy.' and i was like greeaaaaat. not bc im smart or fun or funny, but cos im pretty?" and so he was like "he probably meant that yr fun and smart and super, which you are, and also pretty, so its a great package." and so im like "yah, well then why in the past two years has no one wanted to be with me?" ...and i was fully prepared to be like you know this isnt fair i cant move on bc of you, but you dont wanna be with me .. and he goes "maybe yr trying too hard, itll come when you least expect it. i gotta jet." i was like FUCK. i wanted to tell him that this isnt fair, i wanted to be like im over it, you have to stop contacting me, bc as long as yr in my life, im going to keep giving myself to you in hopes that this time will be the time that you realize that you want to be with me. but no. for the past year its just been the use of my body. at first maybe you cared, but when you realized that you could have me and not have to be with me.... fuck you. i cant. ive got to move on.
anyway. im gonna go dry my hair.
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