Thursday, April 15, 2004
*cant you see how yr all torn at the seams, and yr better off without me? how do i tell you these roses arent for you.. not for you..*
inside.
did i tell you that inside are playing a reunion on april 30 in wading river? this is unreal for me. they havent played since july 7, 1999. thats almost 5 years. for me, this is comprable to my high school reunion. bc seriously, going to my HS reunion would only be to keep katie company. i didnt make friends with the kids in my class, i had the entire hc/emo/punk scene at my disposal. i had friends all over the island. when i was a junior in HS, i was friends with the supermatchboxxx kids, who were seniors. then my senior year it was me and katie and jamie gates.. and anne, who was a junior. and guess what, im still friends with katie and jamie, so what do i need a reunion for? now an emo reunion? thats something else.. maybe ill run into sal and doug and frank and chris.. or maybe ill see wierd blasts from the past, like davin or pat or jon. jesus. what if the hauppauge girls go? i havent seen nicole or marla or diana in YEARS.. had i not been reunited with the enigma two years ago, id be wondering if he would be there. but alas, i think they are playing that night so he wont make it. ryan cant make it, either, bc he has to go to pittsburgh for work. i told him to play sick. i cant believe hes not going.. inside meant the world to us. we went to like every show together. its gonna be weird, maybe kneil and the sons kids, and todd and daryl from glassjaw will be there, i havent seen those kids since like 98 either, and i dont particularly care to, but i suppose that would be part of the high school reunion for me. another band that should play a reunion is splurge. that would be rad.. so anyway. im way nervous bc i think i will be going to a show sans entourage. im hoping i can get my brother to go with me. he doesnt like to go see the bup bc he doesnt particularly like the enigma, and he also doesnt like to go see the community service project bc of chaz. hes a wee bit protective, that brother, which i appreciate. but alas, i never dated a member of inside, i was a fan from afar, so there is no one going that he will be anti. plus this means the world to me, and im afraid i wont go if i have to go alone.
ryan wants to try to get our cursive tickets this weekend, but i dont think i have time to go with him.. if they dont play "fairytales" again i might cry. they should also play "after the movies" bc they didnt play *anything* from such blinding stars last time.. i suppose they like to stick to the ugly organ and burst and bloom with a little of domistica bc they have greta the chellist now and i guess she gets bored on the songs that dont require her.. but they are GOOD. and tim kasher rocks, even though he was wayyy drunk and not singing the songs right. ryan liked that better, cos that way he knew it was live, but i dont know. he was singing the wrong words. and fucking up my favorite parts. not cool tim. no way.
i need a shower so bad. i feel like im a pile of flith. which i probably am.. but still. i was gonna shower before ryan came over, but i fell asleep cos im a sloth. i talked to sean tonight which was nice. he is having debra drama.. which isnt surprising. i never understood why he cheated on her with jan of all people. i also never understood why he chose jan over debra, bc he and debra was so in love and so perfect for each other. eh he was like 18. perhaps he didnt know.
im feeling slightly fat tonight. im bloated, i really need for my period to come so as i can discontiue carrying around my weight in retained water. im so against retained water. plus im this pretty caramel color right now from vegas and covering my belly at all times is needless. i cant wait till i turn brown this summer. im going to sun till i can sun no more. i want to be TAN. like last summer. bc tan is fun. and the sun is fun. and i look more ethnic when tan. and its funny when people ask me where im from bc i look exotic and i get to say im mixed european. and they dont believe me, and insist i must be greek. yes, yr right, im wrong. of course.
still thinking of you. motherfucker. i try not to. really. im constantly trying not to think of you by diverting my attention onto other things but then yr stupid (gorgeous) green eyes flash into my mind, or yr stupid (adorable) sheepish grin.. or the way yr skin feels, or that sound you make when i run my hand across yr belly.. why do you look at me like that when i mean nothing to you? why do you smile down at me and be all comfortable? why why why why why?
YOU.MAKE.ME.HATE.YOU.
and you make me love you.
ugh. someday youll go away and leave this mess alone.
please?
inside.
did i tell you that inside are playing a reunion on april 30 in wading river? this is unreal for me. they havent played since july 7, 1999. thats almost 5 years. for me, this is comprable to my high school reunion. bc seriously, going to my HS reunion would only be to keep katie company. i didnt make friends with the kids in my class, i had the entire hc/emo/punk scene at my disposal. i had friends all over the island. when i was a junior in HS, i was friends with the supermatchboxxx kids, who were seniors. then my senior year it was me and katie and jamie gates.. and anne, who was a junior. and guess what, im still friends with katie and jamie, so what do i need a reunion for? now an emo reunion? thats something else.. maybe ill run into sal and doug and frank and chris.. or maybe ill see wierd blasts from the past, like davin or pat or jon. jesus. what if the hauppauge girls go? i havent seen nicole or marla or diana in YEARS.. had i not been reunited with the enigma two years ago, id be wondering if he would be there. but alas, i think they are playing that night so he wont make it. ryan cant make it, either, bc he has to go to pittsburgh for work. i told him to play sick. i cant believe hes not going.. inside meant the world to us. we went to like every show together. its gonna be weird, maybe kneil and the sons kids, and todd and daryl from glassjaw will be there, i havent seen those kids since like 98 either, and i dont particularly care to, but i suppose that would be part of the high school reunion for me. another band that should play a reunion is splurge. that would be rad.. so anyway. im way nervous bc i think i will be going to a show sans entourage. im hoping i can get my brother to go with me. he doesnt like to go see the bup bc he doesnt particularly like the enigma, and he also doesnt like to go see the community service project bc of chaz. hes a wee bit protective, that brother, which i appreciate. but alas, i never dated a member of inside, i was a fan from afar, so there is no one going that he will be anti. plus this means the world to me, and im afraid i wont go if i have to go alone.
ryan wants to try to get our cursive tickets this weekend, but i dont think i have time to go with him.. if they dont play "fairytales" again i might cry. they should also play "after the movies" bc they didnt play *anything* from such blinding stars last time.. i suppose they like to stick to the ugly organ and burst and bloom with a little of domistica bc they have greta the chellist now and i guess she gets bored on the songs that dont require her.. but they are GOOD. and tim kasher rocks, even though he was wayyy drunk and not singing the songs right. ryan liked that better, cos that way he knew it was live, but i dont know. he was singing the wrong words. and fucking up my favorite parts. not cool tim. no way.
i need a shower so bad. i feel like im a pile of flith. which i probably am.. but still. i was gonna shower before ryan came over, but i fell asleep cos im a sloth. i talked to sean tonight which was nice. he is having debra drama.. which isnt surprising. i never understood why he cheated on her with jan of all people. i also never understood why he chose jan over debra, bc he and debra was so in love and so perfect for each other. eh he was like 18. perhaps he didnt know.
im feeling slightly fat tonight. im bloated, i really need for my period to come so as i can discontiue carrying around my weight in retained water. im so against retained water. plus im this pretty caramel color right now from vegas and covering my belly at all times is needless. i cant wait till i turn brown this summer. im going to sun till i can sun no more. i want to be TAN. like last summer. bc tan is fun. and the sun is fun. and i look more ethnic when tan. and its funny when people ask me where im from bc i look exotic and i get to say im mixed european. and they dont believe me, and insist i must be greek. yes, yr right, im wrong. of course.
still thinking of you. motherfucker. i try not to. really. im constantly trying not to think of you by diverting my attention onto other things but then yr stupid (gorgeous) green eyes flash into my mind, or yr stupid (adorable) sheepish grin.. or the way yr skin feels, or that sound you make when i run my hand across yr belly.. why do you look at me like that when i mean nothing to you? why do you smile down at me and be all comfortable? why why why why why?
YOU.MAKE.ME.HATE.YOU.
and you make me love you.
ugh. someday youll go away and leave this mess alone.
please?
Subscribe to Comments [Atom]