is it too late to heal?

*i dont want to feel this way forever*
thursday

i cried a good long time tonight. it was that breakdown ive been expecting. i felt to stressed and tired and like nothing was ever going to work out, and i wanted to just lay down and rock myself to sleep in tears. but i turned to drugs and now im numb, but my eyes burn from crying and my sweatshirt has snot all over the cuffs, which is a problem. bc i just washed it.

i lost my self control again, and i messaged the enigma tonight at 10:04 pm. i said "i feel like i should take a hint, but i dont know why you would be avoiding me.. is something up?" and of course there was no response. candace consoled me, she said maybe his phone broke or he lost it. who knows.. she thought i should call him. im kinda worried that something bad happened... i mean, who knows. the kid falls asleep driving all the time. and i dunno, i was tlaking to candace about it, and she said it doesnt make sense that he would be mad, cos what could have happened between the message he sent thurs afternoon and the message i replied with, which asked if he was free at all this week. and why would he ignore me asking if he had my dashboard cd? ugh. i hate my life. i wish it would just stop or something. i wish it would make sense for five seconds.

i have orals tomorrow. i havent studied at all. im going to bed.