Wednesday, April 21, 2004
*i never said i would stay till the end*
the cure.
blah. blah.. just blah, really. i watched high fidelity with ryan, it was better than i remember it being. i think i saw it with chaz and antonia back in the day. he brought over the kill yrself cds that we made while he was at work today (i made a playlist, he made the cd, then he made a playlist and made a cd).. i wanna listen to them, but im not ready. well i am. but. you know how it is. i feel like listening to conan, not listening to the horribly depressing songs i've chosen for the gille version. i kind of wanna bring my radio back into my bedroom and listen to them while i journal later. cos i have much to say to the people who will never ever read that, the paper journal gets the stuff i cant admit here.
so emily said we could get our tattooes next time i go to LI. i have to email kurt so he can recommend someone on LI.. i hope he responds, bc lately he hasnt been very friendly. i think hes going to get married soon, and completely abandon me. he wont need me anymore.. i havent seen him in over a year, which is pretty depressing. we grew apart. its sad, he was my total nonromantic soulmate. i need not explain this phenomenon, if you know it, you know it. i will only say that you know you arent the ones for each other, but you love each other more deeply than romactic love at the same time. its a while 'nother level. but alas. jen hates me. it would be nice if she would get over eleventh grade, but. i cant make her trust me.
i havent played guitar since friday night. its not that i havent had time, really. well. sort of it is, bc i worked every night till tonight, and then i hung out with ryan instead of playing guitar. i think i will send candace some tabs tomorrow to print for me.. like "radio" and "sorry about that" by alkaline trio. i also think i could maybe learn "autumns monologue" by from autumn to ashes. we shall see. plus there is always more dashboard songs, which arent so hard to learn. my dad got me some guitar software for my computer, which im pretty psyched to look at.. i shouldnt play for the next two weeks, i should dedicate myself to history so i can have this gorgeous degree and get the fuck out of nyc. forever. YAY. oh new york. i will miss thee. but only a miniscule amount.
meeeep. im sober ish. i want to go to bed, but my okcupid friend just got back from chicago and we havent talked in like 4 days so im sitting here waiting for the email. i dont really anna smoke again, bc i need to function tomorrow, and ive already smoked more than enough to commemorate 420.
i bought us new handsoap today. its soft soap milk & honey. it smells delightful. there is some dial left, though, so i want to wash my hands as often as possible to rid us of that. not that i dont like dial, cos i do. i love the way it smells all disinfected. am i sick?
i have to go get cigarettes tomorrow. ugh. i didnt want to leave the house. and im upset that i have to go to rite aid, bc they charge sooo much, and im already over my spending limit for the week, but thats ok bc i have like $800 in the bank, even after may rent, which isnt even due for nine more days. and kim owes me $301. i want to go to the record store and exchange two cds. i also want to go to h&m to exchange a skirt kim got me. it looked silly on both of us, so its useless. i can get me something nice instead. i still have the gift card my brother and emily got me, too.. theres like $23 left on it. perhaps ill look into some underpants or some tank tops.
so i dressed up like i said i would today. well not DRESSED UP, but you know. i wore a camoflauge miniskirt and a black tanktop. i wore eyeliner and flip flops. ryan said i looked like a businesswoman from the neck up. not what i was going for, but ok.
so there was this boy on the subway today, he looked like an abercrombie boy, all american/exotic looking, you know, with freckles and new/vintage jeans, button down shirt. i didnt see the shoes though. his hair was as long as mine. he kept looking at me, and then he followed me to the G train, and got on the same car as me, and then stood next to me. and then like 2 minutes later, he left the train. before it even left the station. i was like "um, weird."
i ran into MANY people today who did not understand the concept of the walk side of an escalator. it made me angry. stay to the right if you are lazy. some of us are in a hurry, or dont like to stand still on a moving set of stairs. move it along, thaaaaanks.
ugh there is so much stuff that im burning to write down in here, but i caaaant bc its too personal and i told all the people i want to know.. but ugh. its for the paper journal, i know. i dont know why im shy about some things, but not others. like ill give the details of a visit with the enigma, but ill keep other occurances secret. ugh ugh ugh.
i could really go for some pizza. maybe ill get up and go into the city tomorrow. its supposed to rain thursday, and i have to do laundry then, anyway. so i could really just go and exchange my cds and my skirt, get cigs at a nice cheap duane reade, and get papers at the deli in times square. then, after im done with all that, i could go to the grocery store and get some dinner. perhaps some pasta, or some potatoes. maybe ill get more mozzerella cheese. some cookies. ok im being overzealous here. i think ill prob go with some pasta. but i still want to make some egg salad. i havent done that in quite some time. mmm. maybe ill go to keyfood tomorrow! we shall see how motivated i am. its likely that i will not be very motivated since i am soo good at being a waste of life. i wish it was gonna be sunny, i would go to the park and do my reading there. i HAVE TO buckle down RIGHT NOW though. tomorrow i will read at night. there is no show to watch, except law and order, which is on later anyway. i have to review my thesis and read three books.
id love to eat some cheddar cheese, but we dont have any siplock bags and im afraid to open it. im going to get fat.
ok im out. for now. perhaps ill find something to babble about again later. ive got like 2 hours left in me...
the cure.
blah. blah.. just blah, really. i watched high fidelity with ryan, it was better than i remember it being. i think i saw it with chaz and antonia back in the day. he brought over the kill yrself cds that we made while he was at work today (i made a playlist, he made the cd, then he made a playlist and made a cd).. i wanna listen to them, but im not ready. well i am. but. you know how it is. i feel like listening to conan, not listening to the horribly depressing songs i've chosen for the gille version. i kind of wanna bring my radio back into my bedroom and listen to them while i journal later. cos i have much to say to the people who will never ever read that, the paper journal gets the stuff i cant admit here.
so emily said we could get our tattooes next time i go to LI. i have to email kurt so he can recommend someone on LI.. i hope he responds, bc lately he hasnt been very friendly. i think hes going to get married soon, and completely abandon me. he wont need me anymore.. i havent seen him in over a year, which is pretty depressing. we grew apart. its sad, he was my total nonromantic soulmate. i need not explain this phenomenon, if you know it, you know it. i will only say that you know you arent the ones for each other, but you love each other more deeply than romactic love at the same time. its a while 'nother level. but alas. jen hates me. it would be nice if she would get over eleventh grade, but. i cant make her trust me.
i havent played guitar since friday night. its not that i havent had time, really. well. sort of it is, bc i worked every night till tonight, and then i hung out with ryan instead of playing guitar. i think i will send candace some tabs tomorrow to print for me.. like "radio" and "sorry about that" by alkaline trio. i also think i could maybe learn "autumns monologue" by from autumn to ashes. we shall see. plus there is always more dashboard songs, which arent so hard to learn. my dad got me some guitar software for my computer, which im pretty psyched to look at.. i shouldnt play for the next two weeks, i should dedicate myself to history so i can have this gorgeous degree and get the fuck out of nyc. forever. YAY. oh new york. i will miss thee. but only a miniscule amount.
meeeep. im sober ish. i want to go to bed, but my okcupid friend just got back from chicago and we havent talked in like 4 days so im sitting here waiting for the email. i dont really anna smoke again, bc i need to function tomorrow, and ive already smoked more than enough to commemorate 420.
i bought us new handsoap today. its soft soap milk & honey. it smells delightful. there is some dial left, though, so i want to wash my hands as often as possible to rid us of that. not that i dont like dial, cos i do. i love the way it smells all disinfected. am i sick?
i have to go get cigarettes tomorrow. ugh. i didnt want to leave the house. and im upset that i have to go to rite aid, bc they charge sooo much, and im already over my spending limit for the week, but thats ok bc i have like $800 in the bank, even after may rent, which isnt even due for nine more days. and kim owes me $301. i want to go to the record store and exchange two cds. i also want to go to h&m to exchange a skirt kim got me. it looked silly on both of us, so its useless. i can get me something nice instead. i still have the gift card my brother and emily got me, too.. theres like $23 left on it. perhaps ill look into some underpants or some tank tops.
so i dressed up like i said i would today. well not DRESSED UP, but you know. i wore a camoflauge miniskirt and a black tanktop. i wore eyeliner and flip flops. ryan said i looked like a businesswoman from the neck up. not what i was going for, but ok.
so there was this boy on the subway today, he looked like an abercrombie boy, all american/exotic looking, you know, with freckles and new/vintage jeans, button down shirt. i didnt see the shoes though. his hair was as long as mine. he kept looking at me, and then he followed me to the G train, and got on the same car as me, and then stood next to me. and then like 2 minutes later, he left the train. before it even left the station. i was like "um, weird."
i ran into MANY people today who did not understand the concept of the walk side of an escalator. it made me angry. stay to the right if you are lazy. some of us are in a hurry, or dont like to stand still on a moving set of stairs. move it along, thaaaaanks.
ugh there is so much stuff that im burning to write down in here, but i caaaant bc its too personal and i told all the people i want to know.. but ugh. its for the paper journal, i know. i dont know why im shy about some things, but not others. like ill give the details of a visit with the enigma, but ill keep other occurances secret. ugh ugh ugh.
i could really go for some pizza. maybe ill get up and go into the city tomorrow. its supposed to rain thursday, and i have to do laundry then, anyway. so i could really just go and exchange my cds and my skirt, get cigs at a nice cheap duane reade, and get papers at the deli in times square. then, after im done with all that, i could go to the grocery store and get some dinner. perhaps some pasta, or some potatoes. maybe ill get more mozzerella cheese. some cookies. ok im being overzealous here. i think ill prob go with some pasta. but i still want to make some egg salad. i havent done that in quite some time. mmm. maybe ill go to keyfood tomorrow! we shall see how motivated i am. its likely that i will not be very motivated since i am soo good at being a waste of life. i wish it was gonna be sunny, i would go to the park and do my reading there. i HAVE TO buckle down RIGHT NOW though. tomorrow i will read at night. there is no show to watch, except law and order, which is on later anyway. i have to review my thesis and read three books.
id love to eat some cheddar cheese, but we dont have any siplock bags and im afraid to open it. im going to get fat.
ok im out. for now. perhaps ill find something to babble about again later. ive got like 2 hours left in me...
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