Saturday, April 03, 2004
*i wanna wake up naked next to you.. kissin the curve in yr clavicle.. kissin yr clavicle..*
alkaline trio
im in a really good mood. everything went well today, nothing could stop me. i was UNfuckingSTOPPABLE!
ok so first.. i heard from my enigma at 7am.. he was like "we're leaving for MA at 1130, so id have to leave brooklyn by 1030, and if i leave now ill be there around 9.. id rather get to spend time with you then just an hour and half. what do you think?" so i told him it was up to him, cos he was the one who had to drive.. he said that he didnt want it to be just for sex, he wanted to be able to hang out. and that made me really happy. i dont know. i was like laying there with my head spinning, i was elated that he wasnt coming.. bc ive been feelin like that was all i was to him, the past few times we saw each other were just like an hour or so, and it made me feel used and sad. but this morning he didnt wanna have it be like that. and i mean, we havent seen each other in three weeks.. so that means the most sex driven boy ever has gone three weeks without.. and now has to go another week and a half at least. so it was no small thing. it felt huge to me. so i told him it was really up to him, that i wanted to see him but totally understood the circumstances.. so he said "i think ill sit this one out, though i know ill regret it in an hour. im sorry if i let you down." and i was like "no, gorgeous. i knew there was a big chance you wouldnt be able to make it, and id rather get to spend time with you, too." so he thanked me for understand and said that i rule. then he was like "i wish you were closer" and i said i would be in three months.. so he was like "cool. im gonna go back to sleep and dream about you, and wish i was there" and i went back to sleep with a huge smile on my face. i woke up at like 1230, called kim. she didnt answer, so i sent the boy a message saying "xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo drive carefully and play well and have fuuuun!" and he was like "thanks so much, you rule" and i was like "so, hey, dont hook up with anyone on tour, ill take care of you when you get home" and he was like "ok, that shouldnt be a problem." so i dunno he told me to have fun in vegas and that he wants pictures, and for me to be safe. i told him that kim would look after me, and that id take a bunch of pictures and couldnt wait to see him. so yay. im really excited. i think i might even forego hooking up in vegas, and hold out for him. not that i really thought i would hook up in vegas, but now i have this huge incentive, cos i cant wait to see him and i feel so good and i feel like he really does care, and that he could have sooo easily just come out and gotten some and went on tour, as it usually goes.. but he didnt, bc he knows the cuddling means a lot to me. aww. i wish he could spend the night with me again.. but. that isnt feasible. they have shows like every single weekend for all of april. i keep thinking that this is so exciting, that this is all ive wanted for sooo long, to be the girl he comes home to. maybe li *will* be different.. sigh im on cloud nine.
anyway kim ended up getting reallllllly drunk with her man last night, he puked in her bed, and went out to the couch, NAKED. and kim followed him, NAKED (well, in a towel), and passed out on the couch with him. apperently stef left notes all over the apartment about seeing naked kids on the couch. kimberly has no shame. needless to say, she didnt have her phone near her, and she was passed the fuck out, so she didnt wake up for our shopping trip. which in turn caused me to oversleep for work cos i was expecting to hear from her. i woke up at 4, and i have to leave at 415. i got dressed real quick, ran out.. got to work, and shasta had a bday present for me. it was this little skirt she got on ebay, its handmade and black.. it has a pink ribbon along the bottom. its WAY short, and way hot and im totally wearing it in vegas. i gave her a great big hug.
work was AWFUL. kim and i worked in the fresh mex room with shaena, and i swear it was ALL ghetto all night. no good tips. $4 on $80, $2 on $60, $5 on $60. you know. i did have like three or four 20-25% tips though, which didnt even it out, but lessened the blow a little. i hate workin in the room, i never break $100. whatever though, we went to the diner to shed the chet, and that was really good. we got mozz sticks (they were half frozen, kim bit into one and looked like she was gonna vomit), then we had grilled cheddars and shared some mashed potatos. i had an oreo cookie shake too. then she decided she wanted dessert, and we shared lemon merangue pie. then i felt like i was gonna explode, but we talked and it made us happy. we talked about shasta, and how shes been making a real effort to be our friend.. its kinda weird, cos when i started, shasta was this little slutty girl. i mean. not SLUTTY. but you know. short skirts, really skinnnnny, she had sugar daddies. and she and i werent friends. shed talk to me sometimes but never like friends. and she intimidated me. then she started going out with justin, stopped doing drugs.. and now shes different, and i think shes lonely. i mean, she has justin, but i dont think she has any real friends anymore.. randy moved to dallas, she doesnt really hang out with her fags anymore (she was a hag hehe), and she is very thoughtful with us. i went to the bar with her that time, and we bonded, and its like she tries really hard, but not in a way where yr like "ugh, stop trying to be my friend," but rather like "aww.. shes so sweet." so we thought that perhaps we should be making more of an effort. im going to give her a thank you card when i get back from vegas. we think she needs a friend. we will attempt to be her friends. i really like her and justin, so we shall see.
so whatever now its like 5 am, and im STILL listening to brand new. im getting kinda stressed about a lot of things, but im trying not to concentrate on them.. i sent me thesis to my advisor, but she hasnt responded that she got it.. ryan printed out the hard copy for dr. basch, but he forgot it at work. he promised to mail it out for me monday, cos im going to vegas before ill see him after he goes to work next.. im freaking out about orals, dr. satter said i have to add 2-4 books to the syllabus, which i was gonna try to do, but i dont know what else i can read. i might go to amazon.com and see what they recommend for the books we had to read for the class.. plus i have to hope that there is some mutual time for the three profs i picked.. im just way stressed, thats all. nervous. very nervous. plus vegas is upon us, and i havent planned out my bday yet. i think we might go to union square to go bowling. then drink around there somewhere, in the village.. i might pick someplace by the E train in the west village, maybe around chelsea. im pretty psyched. so far, for bowling its gonna be me, candace, kim, antonia, val, mike, katie, dennis, and ryan. the people who will be joining us after work for the drinkin should be justin, shasta, gabe, lee, jesse, bart, baxter, chris ray.. i still have to mention it to derek, shaena, and kathy.. thats a good crowd of good people. i hope everyone mixes well.. its gonna be fun. i wish it wasnt gonna be cold, cos id sooo wear shasta's skirt. its gonna be like 57, but rainy. so. eh, we shall see. i mean. perhaps bowling doesnt require a short skirt. but. i wanna get dressed up! i wish my bday was in a warmer month. oh and its supposed to SNOW monday, if our flight gets delayed or cancelled i WILL cry. CRYYY. i cannot WAIT to go to vegas. i dont even know what im expecting, i have no ideas to base it on. justin said i would probably be overwhelmed at first, which im looking forward to. ive always dreamed of what itd be like to see nyc for the first time, and this is kinda similar. a big crazy city that looks like times square all over. its gonna be wow. thats all i know. WOW. the snow showers are supposed to end by midday, and out flight is at 5:50, so.. cross yr fingers!!
ok this post is way too long. my stomach is all blargh blargh. and i have to get up in 5 hours. so good night world, i will beat you AGAIN tomorrow. aint nothin gonna bring me down, i get a birthday party, a birthday, and LAS FUCKIN VEGAS in the next three days. so fuck you chevys, tomorrow is my last shift till i get back from vegas, and fuck you school, and i cant wait to see the boy and the slot machines.. and im sure ill wish he was there. but he will be in spirit and ill be so happy. this is it; im elated. and the sad will not be back for a little. HA! take that, sad! life is good today, and it will be again tomorrow. until then...
*im walkin on sunshine whoaa and its time to feel good!*
alkaline trio
im in a really good mood. everything went well today, nothing could stop me. i was UNfuckingSTOPPABLE!
ok so first.. i heard from my enigma at 7am.. he was like "we're leaving for MA at 1130, so id have to leave brooklyn by 1030, and if i leave now ill be there around 9.. id rather get to spend time with you then just an hour and half. what do you think?" so i told him it was up to him, cos he was the one who had to drive.. he said that he didnt want it to be just for sex, he wanted to be able to hang out. and that made me really happy. i dont know. i was like laying there with my head spinning, i was elated that he wasnt coming.. bc ive been feelin like that was all i was to him, the past few times we saw each other were just like an hour or so, and it made me feel used and sad. but this morning he didnt wanna have it be like that. and i mean, we havent seen each other in three weeks.. so that means the most sex driven boy ever has gone three weeks without.. and now has to go another week and a half at least. so it was no small thing. it felt huge to me. so i told him it was really up to him, that i wanted to see him but totally understood the circumstances.. so he said "i think ill sit this one out, though i know ill regret it in an hour. im sorry if i let you down." and i was like "no, gorgeous. i knew there was a big chance you wouldnt be able to make it, and id rather get to spend time with you, too." so he thanked me for understand and said that i rule. then he was like "i wish you were closer" and i said i would be in three months.. so he was like "cool. im gonna go back to sleep and dream about you, and wish i was there" and i went back to sleep with a huge smile on my face. i woke up at like 1230, called kim. she didnt answer, so i sent the boy a message saying "xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo drive carefully and play well and have fuuuun!" and he was like "thanks so much, you rule" and i was like "so, hey, dont hook up with anyone on tour, ill take care of you when you get home" and he was like "ok, that shouldnt be a problem." so i dunno he told me to have fun in vegas and that he wants pictures, and for me to be safe. i told him that kim would look after me, and that id take a bunch of pictures and couldnt wait to see him. so yay. im really excited. i think i might even forego hooking up in vegas, and hold out for him. not that i really thought i would hook up in vegas, but now i have this huge incentive, cos i cant wait to see him and i feel so good and i feel like he really does care, and that he could have sooo easily just come out and gotten some and went on tour, as it usually goes.. but he didnt, bc he knows the cuddling means a lot to me. aww. i wish he could spend the night with me again.. but. that isnt feasible. they have shows like every single weekend for all of april. i keep thinking that this is so exciting, that this is all ive wanted for sooo long, to be the girl he comes home to. maybe li *will* be different.. sigh im on cloud nine.
anyway kim ended up getting reallllllly drunk with her man last night, he puked in her bed, and went out to the couch, NAKED. and kim followed him, NAKED (well, in a towel), and passed out on the couch with him. apperently stef left notes all over the apartment about seeing naked kids on the couch. kimberly has no shame. needless to say, she didnt have her phone near her, and she was passed the fuck out, so she didnt wake up for our shopping trip. which in turn caused me to oversleep for work cos i was expecting to hear from her. i woke up at 4, and i have to leave at 415. i got dressed real quick, ran out.. got to work, and shasta had a bday present for me. it was this little skirt she got on ebay, its handmade and black.. it has a pink ribbon along the bottom. its WAY short, and way hot and im totally wearing it in vegas. i gave her a great big hug.
work was AWFUL. kim and i worked in the fresh mex room with shaena, and i swear it was ALL ghetto all night. no good tips. $4 on $80, $2 on $60, $5 on $60. you know. i did have like three or four 20-25% tips though, which didnt even it out, but lessened the blow a little. i hate workin in the room, i never break $100. whatever though, we went to the diner to shed the chet, and that was really good. we got mozz sticks (they were half frozen, kim bit into one and looked like she was gonna vomit), then we had grilled cheddars and shared some mashed potatos. i had an oreo cookie shake too. then she decided she wanted dessert, and we shared lemon merangue pie. then i felt like i was gonna explode, but we talked and it made us happy. we talked about shasta, and how shes been making a real effort to be our friend.. its kinda weird, cos when i started, shasta was this little slutty girl. i mean. not SLUTTY. but you know. short skirts, really skinnnnny, she had sugar daddies. and she and i werent friends. shed talk to me sometimes but never like friends. and she intimidated me. then she started going out with justin, stopped doing drugs.. and now shes different, and i think shes lonely. i mean, she has justin, but i dont think she has any real friends anymore.. randy moved to dallas, she doesnt really hang out with her fags anymore (she was a hag hehe), and she is very thoughtful with us. i went to the bar with her that time, and we bonded, and its like she tries really hard, but not in a way where yr like "ugh, stop trying to be my friend," but rather like "aww.. shes so sweet." so we thought that perhaps we should be making more of an effort. im going to give her a thank you card when i get back from vegas. we think she needs a friend. we will attempt to be her friends. i really like her and justin, so we shall see.
so whatever now its like 5 am, and im STILL listening to brand new. im getting kinda stressed about a lot of things, but im trying not to concentrate on them.. i sent me thesis to my advisor, but she hasnt responded that she got it.. ryan printed out the hard copy for dr. basch, but he forgot it at work. he promised to mail it out for me monday, cos im going to vegas before ill see him after he goes to work next.. im freaking out about orals, dr. satter said i have to add 2-4 books to the syllabus, which i was gonna try to do, but i dont know what else i can read. i might go to amazon.com and see what they recommend for the books we had to read for the class.. plus i have to hope that there is some mutual time for the three profs i picked.. im just way stressed, thats all. nervous. very nervous. plus vegas is upon us, and i havent planned out my bday yet. i think we might go to union square to go bowling. then drink around there somewhere, in the village.. i might pick someplace by the E train in the west village, maybe around chelsea. im pretty psyched. so far, for bowling its gonna be me, candace, kim, antonia, val, mike, katie, dennis, and ryan. the people who will be joining us after work for the drinkin should be justin, shasta, gabe, lee, jesse, bart, baxter, chris ray.. i still have to mention it to derek, shaena, and kathy.. thats a good crowd of good people. i hope everyone mixes well.. its gonna be fun. i wish it wasnt gonna be cold, cos id sooo wear shasta's skirt. its gonna be like 57, but rainy. so. eh, we shall see. i mean. perhaps bowling doesnt require a short skirt. but. i wanna get dressed up! i wish my bday was in a warmer month. oh and its supposed to SNOW monday, if our flight gets delayed or cancelled i WILL cry. CRYYY. i cannot WAIT to go to vegas. i dont even know what im expecting, i have no ideas to base it on. justin said i would probably be overwhelmed at first, which im looking forward to. ive always dreamed of what itd be like to see nyc for the first time, and this is kinda similar. a big crazy city that looks like times square all over. its gonna be wow. thats all i know. WOW. the snow showers are supposed to end by midday, and out flight is at 5:50, so.. cross yr fingers!!
ok this post is way too long. my stomach is all blargh blargh. and i have to get up in 5 hours. so good night world, i will beat you AGAIN tomorrow. aint nothin gonna bring me down, i get a birthday party, a birthday, and LAS FUCKIN VEGAS in the next three days. so fuck you chevys, tomorrow is my last shift till i get back from vegas, and fuck you school, and i cant wait to see the boy and the slot machines.. and im sure ill wish he was there. but he will be in spirit and ill be so happy. this is it; im elated. and the sad will not be back for a little. HA! take that, sad! life is good today, and it will be again tomorrow. until then...
*im walkin on sunshine whoaa and its time to feel good!*
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