Sunday, April 11, 2004
*i want a perfect body. i want a perfect soul. i want you to notice when im not around. i wish i was special. yr so fuckin special. but im a creep. im a weirdo. i dont belong here. what the hell am i doing here? i dont belong here.*
radiohead.
i dont like radiohead as a general rule, but for some reason this song was in my head all night. after we closed, i was like yelling the words while doing roll ups with lee. we were waiting for shasta to clean her tables so we could go to the diner. radiohead is jesse's favorite band.
when we were in vegas, kim and derek and i were sitting by the pool and derek goes, "do you ever find that the song thats in yr head when you wake up can determine yr entire day?" and i had never really noticed. lately ive been thinking about it, but i still havent remembered to notice if there was a song in my head when i woke up. usually there are conflicting songs. lately its been a lot of brand new. "creep" is in my head now, and im not sure when it will go away. i am trying to think of a new song but every time it just goes back to "creep." so i stopped trying. ive coalesced.
work was wayyyy busy tonight, i sold $1,847. i had some really shitty tips, like 10 on 153 and .50 on 35. my last table hooked me up, they left 25 on 117, and i had like 3 or 4 tips that were 20 or more. most were between 12 and 15 percent though, boo. so i only walked with $213, which was upsetting, bc i totally had the potential to break $250 if i had better people. but yah, so we ended up all closing, and after work i went to westway with derek, shasta, justin and lee. then kim and jesse met up with us like 20 minutes later. i had my usual - two eggs fried over easy with american cheese melted on top and white bread toast (which shasta thinks is the cutest thing.. that i say "white bread toast." shes like "'white toast' accomplishes the same thing.. thats so cute") with mashed potatoes instead of french fries. and a corona. i mixed it up a little, and i also got a baked potato with brocolli and cheese, which wasnt that good. i think i had it once before and it wasnt that good then either. perhaps that time i went to the diner with gabe.
im fuckin tired. its almost 5 am, i have to work again in the morning.. at 12. which means i need to get up by like 1045. i also have to go to LI tomorrow, hopefully i will get out of work by like 5, come here, pack a small bag for the night, and maybe catch a train around 8. that sucks, i know, but.. no one would pick up my shift. i have to print out resumes while im at home (hopefully). ive rescheduled my orals for two weeks from now so i dont have to study as intensely as i thought i would. i can read the first book tomorrow on the train and at home.. then monday i can start the nancy cott book, which dr. satter says will take me a little time to get through. nancy cott is complicated. i wonder if jan will want me to read extra, but i doubt it. im supposed to just know about the peroid, i think, and my concentration was colonial american. i need to email her to ask her what kind of questions get asked at orals so i can better prepare myself. im way happy that 1/3 of my orals are going to be written. maybe i'll just have to write a paper or something. i suck at talking, so im very nervous.
my right tonsil is swollen again. i hate that shit. i think i was developing strep a few weeks ago, but it cleared up. webmd said i should get antibiotics so as not to let it develop into scarlet fever or rhuemetic fever. but i dont have health care, so no antibiotics for me. i need new contacts so bad. i think that will be my next venture. ill talk to my mom about it tomorrow, she has a friend who is an opthamalogist (spelling?) and she said he might do the exam for free and let me have contacts at cost. which would ROCK. cos im broke and my eyes are deteriorating by the second. i wonder if i could get my glasses perscription renewed, and my glasses refitted. that might be too costly. new contacts would do me just right about now.
last easter at this time, i was laying in bed with the enigma. they were driving home from playing in baltimore, and they picked me up bc his parents were out of town. it was really awkward for me, id never met the rest of the band before, and he had just broken up with his gf two days before.. so i was like they have to know that this is a major booty call. but yah. we went back to his house and had our first time. he sent me a txt before and i told him that it was the one year anniversary. he asked if i wanted to celebrate. in my mind i thought: "yah right. lets celebrate our first booty call.." cos i mean. they picked me up at 3am, we got to his house at like 430. he gave me his pajamas and threw in office space, watched like 9 seconds of it before we were half naked. fell asleep together and woke up at 10 so he could drive me to the smithtown train station bc i had to work at 1230. at least that time we got to fall asleep together. i still cant believe its been 10 months since we woke up together. and that sucks.
anyway sleep i shall....
radiohead.
i dont like radiohead as a general rule, but for some reason this song was in my head all night. after we closed, i was like yelling the words while doing roll ups with lee. we were waiting for shasta to clean her tables so we could go to the diner. radiohead is jesse's favorite band.
when we were in vegas, kim and derek and i were sitting by the pool and derek goes, "do you ever find that the song thats in yr head when you wake up can determine yr entire day?" and i had never really noticed. lately ive been thinking about it, but i still havent remembered to notice if there was a song in my head when i woke up. usually there are conflicting songs. lately its been a lot of brand new. "creep" is in my head now, and im not sure when it will go away. i am trying to think of a new song but every time it just goes back to "creep." so i stopped trying. ive coalesced.
work was wayyyy busy tonight, i sold $1,847. i had some really shitty tips, like 10 on 153 and .50 on 35. my last table hooked me up, they left 25 on 117, and i had like 3 or 4 tips that were 20 or more. most were between 12 and 15 percent though, boo. so i only walked with $213, which was upsetting, bc i totally had the potential to break $250 if i had better people. but yah, so we ended up all closing, and after work i went to westway with derek, shasta, justin and lee. then kim and jesse met up with us like 20 minutes later. i had my usual - two eggs fried over easy with american cheese melted on top and white bread toast (which shasta thinks is the cutest thing.. that i say "white bread toast." shes like "'white toast' accomplishes the same thing.. thats so cute") with mashed potatoes instead of french fries. and a corona. i mixed it up a little, and i also got a baked potato with brocolli and cheese, which wasnt that good. i think i had it once before and it wasnt that good then either. perhaps that time i went to the diner with gabe.
im fuckin tired. its almost 5 am, i have to work again in the morning.. at 12. which means i need to get up by like 1045. i also have to go to LI tomorrow, hopefully i will get out of work by like 5, come here, pack a small bag for the night, and maybe catch a train around 8. that sucks, i know, but.. no one would pick up my shift. i have to print out resumes while im at home (hopefully). ive rescheduled my orals for two weeks from now so i dont have to study as intensely as i thought i would. i can read the first book tomorrow on the train and at home.. then monday i can start the nancy cott book, which dr. satter says will take me a little time to get through. nancy cott is complicated. i wonder if jan will want me to read extra, but i doubt it. im supposed to just know about the peroid, i think, and my concentration was colonial american. i need to email her to ask her what kind of questions get asked at orals so i can better prepare myself. im way happy that 1/3 of my orals are going to be written. maybe i'll just have to write a paper or something. i suck at talking, so im very nervous.
my right tonsil is swollen again. i hate that shit. i think i was developing strep a few weeks ago, but it cleared up. webmd said i should get antibiotics so as not to let it develop into scarlet fever or rhuemetic fever. but i dont have health care, so no antibiotics for me. i need new contacts so bad. i think that will be my next venture. ill talk to my mom about it tomorrow, she has a friend who is an opthamalogist (spelling?) and she said he might do the exam for free and let me have contacts at cost. which would ROCK. cos im broke and my eyes are deteriorating by the second. i wonder if i could get my glasses perscription renewed, and my glasses refitted. that might be too costly. new contacts would do me just right about now.
last easter at this time, i was laying in bed with the enigma. they were driving home from playing in baltimore, and they picked me up bc his parents were out of town. it was really awkward for me, id never met the rest of the band before, and he had just broken up with his gf two days before.. so i was like they have to know that this is a major booty call. but yah. we went back to his house and had our first time. he sent me a txt before and i told him that it was the one year anniversary. he asked if i wanted to celebrate. in my mind i thought: "yah right. lets celebrate our first booty call.." cos i mean. they picked me up at 3am, we got to his house at like 430. he gave me his pajamas and threw in office space, watched like 9 seconds of it before we were half naked. fell asleep together and woke up at 10 so he could drive me to the smithtown train station bc i had to work at 1230. at least that time we got to fall asleep together. i still cant believe its been 10 months since we woke up together. and that sucks.
anyway sleep i shall....
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