Sunday, April 25, 2004
*if you could see the dreams ive had my dear, they would give you nightmares for a week*
jawbreaker
thats one of my favorite angry songs of all time. it definitely makes the playlist for the angry cd. "dreamed i was a fireman, i just smoked and watch you burn." i think it might even qualify as the lead in song for such a cd. it was the lead in on a mix tape i made last year, which i entitled "i hope you both die violently." you figure it out. the tape wasnt especially violent, or angry, but it began the tape, and therefore it somehow set my mood. it was at a time in my life where everything i did required hoping people died violently. i suppose therapy has helped in that respect, i haven't been that angry since then. maybe i used all of my anger up.
oh god. snl is a repeat. grrrr... its the one with christina aguilera. i think it was funny. shes such a thug. "all the jokes and wise cracks you be makin about me on weekend update." sooo weird. ok, so she might be ghetto all the sudden, and weird, but this woman has a kick ass voice. if i listened to music for peoples voices or whatnot, she would perhaps be on the top of my list. however, i prefer songs that people wrote themselves, and whiney boy voices or angry boy voices are my thing. i do not dig chick singers, as a general rule.
i talked to my dad a few minutes ago. i had fallen asleep. i finished derek's play, and i put my head down, and there it was.. sleep dancing on my pillow. he was like "were you sleeping?!" like it was a bad thing that i had fallen asleep at a normal person hour. anyway, he is in florida on the mcdonalds convention. he said it was a good time, but that the CEO of mcds had a heart attack at the convention and there was some delay in the beginning due to confusion and stuff related to the death of the CEO of the company having a convention. you know. they got to go to disneyworld one night, they shut the park down for the convention. he was with my aunt paula tonight. she is coming to visit next week with my cousin angie.. i havent seen them in a while. well, i saw my aunt a year or two ago, she was up for a few days. but i havent seen angie since 1997. that was the last time i went to florida with family. i also went in 1998, but with my boyfriend at the time, to visit his mom, and i didnt see my family while we were there. for some reason, i remember very little about going to florida with rich. we went to busch gardens, and we didnt all fit in the car, so he rode to tampa from orlando in the hatchback. we played dungeons and dragons (the first and only time i ever played. it was kinda fun.) we went to his moms house. we stayed with his sister. he lost his virginity there. but other than that, i really dont know what we did.. oooh! we went to disney. duh. his mom worked at disney. we met up with katie jean there, and we fought. not me and katie, me and rich fought. we went two days. ok now i feel better. im not as burnt as i initially thought i was.
blah blah blah. i have nothing of import to say. dereks play was good, i almost cried at the end. i got a little teary. im waiting for mike to get back from seeing some weird german band. he was here with a friend before. chris. this boy had gorgeous eyes. they were like crystal blue, and gorgeous. thats the only word i can think of to describe them. gorgeous. i love when boys have dark hair and light eyes.. mm.. i never date them, though. chaz had gorgeous blue eyes, but he also had light blonde hair. the enigma has gorgeous green eyes, but he has light brown hair. baxter also has really nice blue eyes. ok, actually most of the guys i have dated have had really nice eyes, and most of them were blue. while im babbling, lets see.. while im at it, i will also figure out which instruments these boys played. ok. mark had blue eyes and medium brown hair. he was a singer. how i loathe dating singers. i do not remember john's eyes. they were probably brown, he was very dark featured. he played bass. he was galacian. i have no idea how that is supposed to be spelled. its like a region in spain or something. ok, then there was my nordic, kurt. he was norwegian, and he LOOKED norwegian. beautiful blue eyes.. but im pretty sure his hair wasnt blonde naturally, cos its light brown/ dirty blonde now, or at least the last time i saw him.. it was bleached back then. he was a guitarist, and a singer, and the only one i dont mind having dated. though he did write the lyric "i forget my girlfriends name, but i remember you" while we were together. perhaps that it where my loathing stems from. kenny.. i have no idea. he had dark hair and i think he had brown eyes. he played guitar, and he played realllly well for a 14 year old. i robbed the cradle with him. then there were a bunch of very inconsequential boys who i dont remember the eye color of.. brendan/scrotum i think he had blue eyes. i think thats what drew me into my one and only dirty punk. i wonder what that kid is doing right now. i hated him for so long.. he was a fucking date rapist, and i cut him out of my life my senior year of high school. then like 2 or 3 years later, he sent me a letter from florida, and he sent me the $200 the howards had borrowed from me for recording the summer of 97. and he apologized up and down, he sent me letters and wanted me to forgive him.. and i mean.. he had nothing to gain, he moved to florida its not like he was trying to get me back. so maybe he actually grew up and was sorry for the asshole things he did when we were 17.. he played bass. anyway. that was during my first run with the enigma, when i was just trying to replace him and make myself forget. and i dont remember much about the boys that came after scrot. there was brian, non descript drummer of the striped basstards. he was tall and rich, and i think he had blue eyes. he lived in old feild, which is like this super rich part of east setauket, and he lives right on the sound. it was pouring rain one night, thudering and lightening.. and we drove to the end of his block, and watched the lightening on the sound, and listened to the cure. that was a good day. then came jon, who definitely had crystal blue eyes.. he was a pothead, he liked faith no more, and he played bass. next was chris reno. a non musician!! but he actually was a scenester, he was known as the naked kid, he liked to get naked and dance in the pit at hardcore shows. he was 20, which was the perfect age when i was 17. i think he had blue eyes, too, but who knows. i will never see that kid again, though he is on my buddy list for some reason. um... i have no idea who came after that. ian? green eyes. and i forget what he played. he might have been an artist instead. its funny that i remember very little about him. well, maybe not, bc for the most part of our relationship he was away at school. he went to ithaca college. and when i went to visit him in april, he had met someone else, and he fucking spent the weekend with her, instead of with me. he was a fuckin rich kid from bellmore. i wonder what he is doing right now. i didnt go to my senior prom bc of him, bc he was my date and he screwed me for that liz girl. grrrr. at least i got to see ifarm in their natural habitat while i was in ithaca.... after him was the aforementioned rich. brown hair, green eyes. he was chubby. i have no idea why i was attracted to him. he made me laugh. we were practically married the summer after my senior year of high school. but he still had a curfew at 18, which was weird. then came steve, the croatian sensation, dark hair, dark eyes. he only went out with me to get over juli, and it failed so he broke up with me, and we havent been friends since. i dont know why, seeing as we were like best friends before that, and i wasnt bitter or even that sad when our 2 week escapade ended. next was straight matt, my rebound from steve, he was way weird, and his parents pulled him out of school over spring break bc they found white stuff in his room. he said it wasnt coke, and this his mom planted something bc she was having a midlife crisis. blah blah blah he was a huge mistake, and sean *still* makes fun of me for that one. he had dirty blonde hair. maybe it was light brown. i dont know, and i also have no idea what color eyes he had. dave had blue eyes, and he was also a non musician (like the two who preceeded him), he was a frat boy. he went to stoneybrook. he broke things off with me bc he liked me too much and he wasnt ready to settle down. he was a weirdo. he wanted another chance in like oct 2000, but i met nick the night we had dinner, and the rest is history. after dave.. chaz. drummer, blonde hair, blue eyes. gorgeous eyes. gorgeous boy. *sigh* then came nick, brown hair, brown eyes, piece of shit. he played guitar sometimes, but he didnt own one. jaime, brown hair, brown eyes. not a musician. he was cuban. he was a mistake as well.
and that brings us up to date, with my guitarist enigma who has beautiful green eyes and hasnt responded to a text message ive sent him in three days. THREE DAYS. on thursday i asked if he was free at all next week, bc id be on LI a bunch. no response. later i asked if i lent him my dashboard cd, bc i cant find it. no response. yesterday i asked if he wasnt responding or if my phone was being mean. no response. i tried again this afternoon, i asked if he was free tuesday since id be on LI.. no response. so. all i wanna do is cry. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh!
thats it for now. i have to pee.
jawbreaker
thats one of my favorite angry songs of all time. it definitely makes the playlist for the angry cd. "dreamed i was a fireman, i just smoked and watch you burn." i think it might even qualify as the lead in song for such a cd. it was the lead in on a mix tape i made last year, which i entitled "i hope you both die violently." you figure it out. the tape wasnt especially violent, or angry, but it began the tape, and therefore it somehow set my mood. it was at a time in my life where everything i did required hoping people died violently. i suppose therapy has helped in that respect, i haven't been that angry since then. maybe i used all of my anger up.
oh god. snl is a repeat. grrrr... its the one with christina aguilera. i think it was funny. shes such a thug. "all the jokes and wise cracks you be makin about me on weekend update." sooo weird. ok, so she might be ghetto all the sudden, and weird, but this woman has a kick ass voice. if i listened to music for peoples voices or whatnot, she would perhaps be on the top of my list. however, i prefer songs that people wrote themselves, and whiney boy voices or angry boy voices are my thing. i do not dig chick singers, as a general rule.
i talked to my dad a few minutes ago. i had fallen asleep. i finished derek's play, and i put my head down, and there it was.. sleep dancing on my pillow. he was like "were you sleeping?!" like it was a bad thing that i had fallen asleep at a normal person hour. anyway, he is in florida on the mcdonalds convention. he said it was a good time, but that the CEO of mcds had a heart attack at the convention and there was some delay in the beginning due to confusion and stuff related to the death of the CEO of the company having a convention. you know. they got to go to disneyworld one night, they shut the park down for the convention. he was with my aunt paula tonight. she is coming to visit next week with my cousin angie.. i havent seen them in a while. well, i saw my aunt a year or two ago, she was up for a few days. but i havent seen angie since 1997. that was the last time i went to florida with family. i also went in 1998, but with my boyfriend at the time, to visit his mom, and i didnt see my family while we were there. for some reason, i remember very little about going to florida with rich. we went to busch gardens, and we didnt all fit in the car, so he rode to tampa from orlando in the hatchback. we played dungeons and dragons (the first and only time i ever played. it was kinda fun.) we went to his moms house. we stayed with his sister. he lost his virginity there. but other than that, i really dont know what we did.. oooh! we went to disney. duh. his mom worked at disney. we met up with katie jean there, and we fought. not me and katie, me and rich fought. we went two days. ok now i feel better. im not as burnt as i initially thought i was.
blah blah blah. i have nothing of import to say. dereks play was good, i almost cried at the end. i got a little teary. im waiting for mike to get back from seeing some weird german band. he was here with a friend before. chris. this boy had gorgeous eyes. they were like crystal blue, and gorgeous. thats the only word i can think of to describe them. gorgeous. i love when boys have dark hair and light eyes.. mm.. i never date them, though. chaz had gorgeous blue eyes, but he also had light blonde hair. the enigma has gorgeous green eyes, but he has light brown hair. baxter also has really nice blue eyes. ok, actually most of the guys i have dated have had really nice eyes, and most of them were blue. while im babbling, lets see.. while im at it, i will also figure out which instruments these boys played. ok. mark had blue eyes and medium brown hair. he was a singer. how i loathe dating singers. i do not remember john's eyes. they were probably brown, he was very dark featured. he played bass. he was galacian. i have no idea how that is supposed to be spelled. its like a region in spain or something. ok, then there was my nordic, kurt. he was norwegian, and he LOOKED norwegian. beautiful blue eyes.. but im pretty sure his hair wasnt blonde naturally, cos its light brown/ dirty blonde now, or at least the last time i saw him.. it was bleached back then. he was a guitarist, and a singer, and the only one i dont mind having dated. though he did write the lyric "i forget my girlfriends name, but i remember you" while we were together. perhaps that it where my loathing stems from. kenny.. i have no idea. he had dark hair and i think he had brown eyes. he played guitar, and he played realllly well for a 14 year old. i robbed the cradle with him. then there were a bunch of very inconsequential boys who i dont remember the eye color of.. brendan/scrotum i think he had blue eyes. i think thats what drew me into my one and only dirty punk. i wonder what that kid is doing right now. i hated him for so long.. he was a fucking date rapist, and i cut him out of my life my senior year of high school. then like 2 or 3 years later, he sent me a letter from florida, and he sent me the $200 the howards had borrowed from me for recording the summer of 97. and he apologized up and down, he sent me letters and wanted me to forgive him.. and i mean.. he had nothing to gain, he moved to florida its not like he was trying to get me back. so maybe he actually grew up and was sorry for the asshole things he did when we were 17.. he played bass. anyway. that was during my first run with the enigma, when i was just trying to replace him and make myself forget. and i dont remember much about the boys that came after scrot. there was brian, non descript drummer of the striped basstards. he was tall and rich, and i think he had blue eyes. he lived in old feild, which is like this super rich part of east setauket, and he lives right on the sound. it was pouring rain one night, thudering and lightening.. and we drove to the end of his block, and watched the lightening on the sound, and listened to the cure. that was a good day. then came jon, who definitely had crystal blue eyes.. he was a pothead, he liked faith no more, and he played bass. next was chris reno. a non musician!! but he actually was a scenester, he was known as the naked kid, he liked to get naked and dance in the pit at hardcore shows. he was 20, which was the perfect age when i was 17. i think he had blue eyes, too, but who knows. i will never see that kid again, though he is on my buddy list for some reason. um... i have no idea who came after that. ian? green eyes. and i forget what he played. he might have been an artist instead. its funny that i remember very little about him. well, maybe not, bc for the most part of our relationship he was away at school. he went to ithaca college. and when i went to visit him in april, he had met someone else, and he fucking spent the weekend with her, instead of with me. he was a fuckin rich kid from bellmore. i wonder what he is doing right now. i didnt go to my senior prom bc of him, bc he was my date and he screwed me for that liz girl. grrrr. at least i got to see ifarm in their natural habitat while i was in ithaca.... after him was the aforementioned rich. brown hair, green eyes. he was chubby. i have no idea why i was attracted to him. he made me laugh. we were practically married the summer after my senior year of high school. but he still had a curfew at 18, which was weird. then came steve, the croatian sensation, dark hair, dark eyes. he only went out with me to get over juli, and it failed so he broke up with me, and we havent been friends since. i dont know why, seeing as we were like best friends before that, and i wasnt bitter or even that sad when our 2 week escapade ended. next was straight matt, my rebound from steve, he was way weird, and his parents pulled him out of school over spring break bc they found white stuff in his room. he said it wasnt coke, and this his mom planted something bc she was having a midlife crisis. blah blah blah he was a huge mistake, and sean *still* makes fun of me for that one. he had dirty blonde hair. maybe it was light brown. i dont know, and i also have no idea what color eyes he had. dave had blue eyes, and he was also a non musician (like the two who preceeded him), he was a frat boy. he went to stoneybrook. he broke things off with me bc he liked me too much and he wasnt ready to settle down. he was a weirdo. he wanted another chance in like oct 2000, but i met nick the night we had dinner, and the rest is history. after dave.. chaz. drummer, blonde hair, blue eyes. gorgeous eyes. gorgeous boy. *sigh* then came nick, brown hair, brown eyes, piece of shit. he played guitar sometimes, but he didnt own one. jaime, brown hair, brown eyes. not a musician. he was cuban. he was a mistake as well.
and that brings us up to date, with my guitarist enigma who has beautiful green eyes and hasnt responded to a text message ive sent him in three days. THREE DAYS. on thursday i asked if he was free at all next week, bc id be on LI a bunch. no response. later i asked if i lent him my dashboard cd, bc i cant find it. no response. yesterday i asked if he wasnt responding or if my phone was being mean. no response. i tried again this afternoon, i asked if he was free tuesday since id be on LI.. no response. so. all i wanna do is cry. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh!
thats it for now. i have to pee.
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