is it too late to heal?

im napped. i feel out of it, very out of it. i woke up petrified. in my dream, i had to slit my cats throat.. not either of the cats that are alive now, but the one that died when i was 18. i dont know why i had to, i dont know if he was sick or something. or if i was made to do it against my will i dont remember that part of the dream.. and i did it wrong, and he was suffering but i didnt know what to do bc i couldnt do it again but it was too far to the vet to see if i could save him. and the whole time i was freaking out bc i had done this but i couldnt go through with it even though i could see him being tortured..... see. this is why i dont sleep.