is it too late to heal?

*sometimes sunshine does not want to shine on me*
no doubt

bleh. thats what i have to say to you. just bleh. i fucking missssss you. it hurts. it does. i know its only been three days. but i havent seen you in two weeks, and things havent been the same since then. before last monday, we were all excited to see each other, and you sent me messages like "yr not gonna text me tonight?" when i hadnt texted by midnight yr time. it was only 9 in vegas, the night was young. but no. that wasnt enough. you had to hear from me. but now.. nothing. you dont send me sexy messages. and when you do they are short and concise like "my week is good. hows your week? good i hope." not even a hugs or an i miss you or xoxo. you HATE me. what did i do? ok maybe you dont hate me, but still... i just want to hear from you. i dont care if yr just telling me yr upset with me for some bizarro reason, cos i have done nothing.. i just wanna knoooooow. i just wanna fast forward to september and see what happens then. but thats like FOUR months. i guess i have been waiting over a year for things to work out.. 13 months. which is the length of my whole relationship with chaz. it feels so short in reflection, probably bc there were two times that i didnt see you for two months at a time. i hate you i hate you i hate you. i gotta figure this out. i gotta let you go. again. cos you came back, and it still wasnt meant to be. fuck that. fuck that stupid saying, bc its a crock of shit.