Thursday, May 06, 2004
*are you out there? do you hear me? can i call you? do you still hate me? are we talkin? are we writing? is it over? are we fighting? hey i miss you.*
jawbreaker.
ugh. i need to sneeze like constantly. this is EVIL. my nose hurts. my dad asked me if i was gonna bail on tomorrow, and i was like "hell no." its going to be weird. my aunt and my cousin, and technically my parents, are tourists. and its going to feel touristy. like, i can picture linda showing up in a fanny pack. which would be mildly embarassing, i think. the things we do for family. angie (cousin) wants to see wtc, she wants to go to little italy, times square, st patricks catherdral, and central park. my dad is going to park here, and we'll take the train. i figure maybe we should start at the bottom. take the E to wtc.. we can go in the PATH station where you can see into the basements of the wtc, which is fucking creepy for me. i *hate* going there, but .. i guess its something everyone has to see, or something. i will endure it for them. then we could probably walk up broadway if angie wants to shop a little, get to little italy in like 30 minutes. we can take the subway from there, up to times square. we should go to chevys so as i can drink me a nice peach margarita on my day off! but that would be semi-lame of me, considering it *is* my day off. id personally rather go to olive garden if we are gonna eat in times square. mmm fetticine alfredo and salad.. mmmmm.. anyway, from there we can either hop a train to the park and the cathedral, or we can walk up 5th ave. they are going to get here around 11, so thats not too bad. its supposed to be really nice out. im kinda nervous about tomorrow. i havent seen my aunt paula in 2 or 3 years.. she was up here a few years ago, only i cant remember which boyfriend i had at the time, and, like the british gauge their history in reigns, i gauge my personal history in boyfriends. i wanna say it was chaz, though. but i havent seen angie since summer 97 (the enigmas first run). its always kinda weird. i mean, we get along reallllllllly well after a little, but its kinda awkward seeing someone for the first time in 6 years, who you havent really kept in touch with. i mean i havent even spoken to her. last time i was in florida with family, she and i went to miami with our brothers, and that was fun. and im kind of excited for it to be on my turf this time. but anyway, i feel like im socially retarded, so this might be a trial for me. we shall see.
as usual i am waiting for my late night buddy. i could use a nap. oh wait i just woke up 2 hours ago. oops. i sooo have to shower in the morning. im thinking about wearing a skirt. its going to be 70. i shaved my legs monday bc i had a feeling that i would want to be smooth for later (and how i was right!), so i guess i should shave them again. especially bc my effort was pretty half assed on monday.. i didnt even use shaving cream. but i joked that id shaved my legs this time, and later he was like "oh you were right yr legs feel amazing" so i guess i did ok.
i dont think im going to go to that comedy club tomorrow. i want to, and derek mentioned it again today, but he said there might not even be room in the van for him, so.. i was like "its a shame we arent older, we could rent a car." on monday night, we decided that when justin gets back from texas, we are going to convince him to rent a car (he is 26) so we can drive back to vegas for a few days. cos VEGAS ROCKS HARD. yo. he said we are def going back this summer. derek is going to be my new.. i dont know. my new encouragement to do things on a whim, to not care about the reprocussions. we can just take off to vegas or atlantic city or whatnot and be drunk gamblers. hey, im pretty useless drunk or sober. might as well dedicate my life to getting fucked up, right? right!
im watching letterman. my head feels sooo stuffy. its 1230. twon doesnt engage me in real conversation till like 2, when he doesnt have to watch the door so much. i think im going to go to bed by like 330 tonight. i wanna stay up later bc he is going on tour this weekend so i lose two nights of talking to him :( but i really feel like crap and the longer i stay awake, the more of a chance that i feel worse tomorrow... hey speaking of feeling worse, im gonna smoke now.
be
right
back
ok. here i am. woo. taking deep breaths. my inner thigh hurts. i faintly recall being bitten there. kim just texted me (she has finally given in to the craze) that she thinks we should drink way our sorrows this weekend. she asked if i was down. i said i was always down. i was thinking, though, that i wanted to drink with derek on friday. and i would hook up again, but im kinda not going to get drunk enough for a threesome this time ahahaha.. so we shall see. i want those cuddles again!
my tank top is scratching my back. i texted the enigma that he should bring me some ice cream around 7, and he totally blew me off. he didnt respond. i think he was probably at practice. it was wednesday.
oh my god my head is so stuffed up. im so taking the nyquil tonight, i know i will wake up in the morning bc it is imperative that i shower. my dad is calling me when he gets into queens, so i should have like 20 minutes or more (there might be traffic still at 1030?) to take a quick shower.
i was thinking about the prospect of having a regular reader this afternoon. i figure someone must have happened upon this at some point in the past 7 or 8 months, but i wonder if anyone like reads it daily. i read some peoples blogs but i usually dont check daily. i check when im really bored. like i might go read some more of the archives of virginia girls blog. none of my friends have blogs. and i dont share mine. i think antonia has the link, but im relatively sure she doesnt check this. i really wish i had a counter. that would make me feel good to see if anyone ever hit this page. did i mention that ive been looking for the perfect blog? to me, its like reading fiction. i dont know these people, and i dont know whats going to happen to them or the people they talk about. its like daily installations of a novel. when i went to college, i sort of stalked the enigma. well, stalked is an overstatement, it was quite complex. but i basically started emailing with suzanne (gf at the time).. i sent her email saying her profile was cool and i liked the same bands as her and blah. and my original intent was to get her to like me, then to meet her and be like "take that i dont suck." she shit talked me to me, thinking i wasnt me. which was awful. and i thought about meeting up with her and dropping the bomb, but i pussed out.. and i kept emailing with her so i would know what he was doing, seeing if he was good.. he was going to school with her at oswego or something. they broke up sophmore year and i fell out of touch with her, because she no longer served a purpose. it kind of hurt bc she would talk about them, and i really wish i still had the emails. bc i dont remember them at all.. but she would tell me what they did or whatnot and i would think, well at least i know hes doing alright.. and i told him when i saw him for the first time in 4.5 years in august 2002.. and he was like "she used to talk about you, and say we had to go to a show so we could meet up.. that was you?! thats so sweet." he seemed shocked that i had still thought about him, or that i still cared.. i dont know how this started. all i know is i was talking about blogs and then all the sudden i was thinking of the enigma again. oh yah thats cos i have a one track mind. hmm..
im very cold right now. i do not like this. i wanna eat, but all i have is easter chocolate. my apartment is thick with cigarette smoke and my eyes burn. its hard to breathe. i have to use my mouth. and i def feel like i have to sneeze right now. im almost out of tissues. boo.
i wish i had some cheese or something. where the hell is mike? its almost 1 am and he has yet to sign on. i know he doesnt have that much of a life. seriously. no one to talk toooooooooooo.. this is sooo saaaaad. candace is staying at susans, and i feel asocial. well, i mean i went to work today and i leaned on derek a lot bc i was tired. and i whined bc my eyes burned, and he said he would give me some clariton, but he must have taken it out of his bag bc it was no longer there. boo. i also talked to kim on aim for a while before. but post nap i only talked to a random myspace boy who lives like 10 blocks from me. it was a first aim conversation, and he was alright. im not really attracted to him from the pics he has on myspace. but then i am not really looking for anything anyway. bc i dont believe that people can relate to each other, anyway. remember?
ok well im going to talk to jesse now. im tired.
jawbreaker.
ugh. i need to sneeze like constantly. this is EVIL. my nose hurts. my dad asked me if i was gonna bail on tomorrow, and i was like "hell no." its going to be weird. my aunt and my cousin, and technically my parents, are tourists. and its going to feel touristy. like, i can picture linda showing up in a fanny pack. which would be mildly embarassing, i think. the things we do for family. angie (cousin) wants to see wtc, she wants to go to little italy, times square, st patricks catherdral, and central park. my dad is going to park here, and we'll take the train. i figure maybe we should start at the bottom. take the E to wtc.. we can go in the PATH station where you can see into the basements of the wtc, which is fucking creepy for me. i *hate* going there, but .. i guess its something everyone has to see, or something. i will endure it for them. then we could probably walk up broadway if angie wants to shop a little, get to little italy in like 30 minutes. we can take the subway from there, up to times square. we should go to chevys so as i can drink me a nice peach margarita on my day off! but that would be semi-lame of me, considering it *is* my day off. id personally rather go to olive garden if we are gonna eat in times square. mmm fetticine alfredo and salad.. mmmmm.. anyway, from there we can either hop a train to the park and the cathedral, or we can walk up 5th ave. they are going to get here around 11, so thats not too bad. its supposed to be really nice out. im kinda nervous about tomorrow. i havent seen my aunt paula in 2 or 3 years.. she was up here a few years ago, only i cant remember which boyfriend i had at the time, and, like the british gauge their history in reigns, i gauge my personal history in boyfriends. i wanna say it was chaz, though. but i havent seen angie since summer 97 (the enigmas first run). its always kinda weird. i mean, we get along reallllllllly well after a little, but its kinda awkward seeing someone for the first time in 6 years, who you havent really kept in touch with. i mean i havent even spoken to her. last time i was in florida with family, she and i went to miami with our brothers, and that was fun. and im kind of excited for it to be on my turf this time. but anyway, i feel like im socially retarded, so this might be a trial for me. we shall see.
as usual i am waiting for my late night buddy. i could use a nap. oh wait i just woke up 2 hours ago. oops. i sooo have to shower in the morning. im thinking about wearing a skirt. its going to be 70. i shaved my legs monday bc i had a feeling that i would want to be smooth for later (and how i was right!), so i guess i should shave them again. especially bc my effort was pretty half assed on monday.. i didnt even use shaving cream. but i joked that id shaved my legs this time, and later he was like "oh you were right yr legs feel amazing" so i guess i did ok.
i dont think im going to go to that comedy club tomorrow. i want to, and derek mentioned it again today, but he said there might not even be room in the van for him, so.. i was like "its a shame we arent older, we could rent a car." on monday night, we decided that when justin gets back from texas, we are going to convince him to rent a car (he is 26) so we can drive back to vegas for a few days. cos VEGAS ROCKS HARD. yo. he said we are def going back this summer. derek is going to be my new.. i dont know. my new encouragement to do things on a whim, to not care about the reprocussions. we can just take off to vegas or atlantic city or whatnot and be drunk gamblers. hey, im pretty useless drunk or sober. might as well dedicate my life to getting fucked up, right? right!
im watching letterman. my head feels sooo stuffy. its 1230. twon doesnt engage me in real conversation till like 2, when he doesnt have to watch the door so much. i think im going to go to bed by like 330 tonight. i wanna stay up later bc he is going on tour this weekend so i lose two nights of talking to him :( but i really feel like crap and the longer i stay awake, the more of a chance that i feel worse tomorrow... hey speaking of feeling worse, im gonna smoke now.
be
right
back
ok. here i am. woo. taking deep breaths. my inner thigh hurts. i faintly recall being bitten there. kim just texted me (she has finally given in to the craze) that she thinks we should drink way our sorrows this weekend. she asked if i was down. i said i was always down. i was thinking, though, that i wanted to drink with derek on friday. and i would hook up again, but im kinda not going to get drunk enough for a threesome this time ahahaha.. so we shall see. i want those cuddles again!
my tank top is scratching my back. i texted the enigma that he should bring me some ice cream around 7, and he totally blew me off. he didnt respond. i think he was probably at practice. it was wednesday.
oh my god my head is so stuffed up. im so taking the nyquil tonight, i know i will wake up in the morning bc it is imperative that i shower. my dad is calling me when he gets into queens, so i should have like 20 minutes or more (there might be traffic still at 1030?) to take a quick shower.
i was thinking about the prospect of having a regular reader this afternoon. i figure someone must have happened upon this at some point in the past 7 or 8 months, but i wonder if anyone like reads it daily. i read some peoples blogs but i usually dont check daily. i check when im really bored. like i might go read some more of the archives of virginia girls blog. none of my friends have blogs. and i dont share mine. i think antonia has the link, but im relatively sure she doesnt check this. i really wish i had a counter. that would make me feel good to see if anyone ever hit this page. did i mention that ive been looking for the perfect blog? to me, its like reading fiction. i dont know these people, and i dont know whats going to happen to them or the people they talk about. its like daily installations of a novel. when i went to college, i sort of stalked the enigma. well, stalked is an overstatement, it was quite complex. but i basically started emailing with suzanne (gf at the time).. i sent her email saying her profile was cool and i liked the same bands as her and blah. and my original intent was to get her to like me, then to meet her and be like "take that i dont suck." she shit talked me to me, thinking i wasnt me. which was awful. and i thought about meeting up with her and dropping the bomb, but i pussed out.. and i kept emailing with her so i would know what he was doing, seeing if he was good.. he was going to school with her at oswego or something. they broke up sophmore year and i fell out of touch with her, because she no longer served a purpose. it kind of hurt bc she would talk about them, and i really wish i still had the emails. bc i dont remember them at all.. but she would tell me what they did or whatnot and i would think, well at least i know hes doing alright.. and i told him when i saw him for the first time in 4.5 years in august 2002.. and he was like "she used to talk about you, and say we had to go to a show so we could meet up.. that was you?! thats so sweet." he seemed shocked that i had still thought about him, or that i still cared.. i dont know how this started. all i know is i was talking about blogs and then all the sudden i was thinking of the enigma again. oh yah thats cos i have a one track mind. hmm..
im very cold right now. i do not like this. i wanna eat, but all i have is easter chocolate. my apartment is thick with cigarette smoke and my eyes burn. its hard to breathe. i have to use my mouth. and i def feel like i have to sneeze right now. im almost out of tissues. boo.
i wish i had some cheese or something. where the hell is mike? its almost 1 am and he has yet to sign on. i know he doesnt have that much of a life. seriously. no one to talk toooooooooooo.. this is sooo saaaaad. candace is staying at susans, and i feel asocial. well, i mean i went to work today and i leaned on derek a lot bc i was tired. and i whined bc my eyes burned, and he said he would give me some clariton, but he must have taken it out of his bag bc it was no longer there. boo. i also talked to kim on aim for a while before. but post nap i only talked to a random myspace boy who lives like 10 blocks from me. it was a first aim conversation, and he was alright. im not really attracted to him from the pics he has on myspace. but then i am not really looking for anything anyway. bc i dont believe that people can relate to each other, anyway. remember?
ok well im going to talk to jesse now. im tired.
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