Monday, May 31, 2004
i havent played guitar in days. i dont know why. i mean, im home a lot. i think its bc im pretty good at "the places you have come to fear the most" and im too lazy to learn something new. ive been talking about learning more dashboard songs, and "sorry about that" by alkaline, but ive been lazy. lazy lazy.
i miss the enigma like crazy. still havent heard from him. it hurts. it makes me feel hopelessly sad, and i dont understand why he wont respond to me. maybe its time to let it go. maybe this lack of communication should allow me time to get over it...
i wonder if i'll hear from derek tomorrow or wednesday. i was thinking no. but he could surprise me, i guess. riight. i think yesterday i reminded myself that justins back and he doesnt need me anymore. i was talking to kim about it tonight, and she was like "shasta's been trying to deal with that for over a year. you know justin and derek are inseperable." but.. i dont know. im not asking derek to ditch justin, i just feel like since he's been back, he doesnt have any time to hang out with me. blah blah blah, it doesnt matter. maybe i should let go of this one before it can go anywhere. cos its only going to go badly. everything always ends badly.
kim was supposed to call me back once in her bedroom and out of the public areas of her home, so as to inform me of some scandal that happened last night.. but she never called back. its been like 2 hours. she said 5 minutes. i dont wanna call her back though cos its like 11:15 and shes living at home again.
thats about it on today. i never got dressed. i got up at 2, came out here, watched tv. candace woke up from her nap at like 430, she went to mcdonalds. we talked. watched the king of queens together, then we watched steel magnolias. i missed the middle part of the movie bc kim called and i was on the phone with her for like 45 minutes. finished watching it, did the crossword. mike signed on, and he didnt talk to me. fucker. im so mad that he has ditched me for this girl. when they break up he's gonna be all over talking to me all the time again, and wanting to hang out. i havent seen him in over a month! and, what, am i supposed to just let him back into my life, even though he has ceased caring about the goings on of it?
im ready for bed already. this sucks. last night twon was all busy trying to get courtney love to go upstairs. she kept reading what he was typing to me, and insisting that he should be screwing me. i told him to tell her that his friend gille gets drunk and sings "teenage whore" at bars. he told me that wasnt helping, bc now she thought i was even cooler and that he should definitely be screwing me, regardless of the fact that he has a woman. i thought it was funny. he probably did too, he was probably only acting like it was annoying. ah, his day-to-day dealings with crazy celebrities at the W.
have i mentioned lately how badly i need vegas? yah.
i miss the enigma like crazy. still havent heard from him. it hurts. it makes me feel hopelessly sad, and i dont understand why he wont respond to me. maybe its time to let it go. maybe this lack of communication should allow me time to get over it...
i wonder if i'll hear from derek tomorrow or wednesday. i was thinking no. but he could surprise me, i guess. riight. i think yesterday i reminded myself that justins back and he doesnt need me anymore. i was talking to kim about it tonight, and she was like "shasta's been trying to deal with that for over a year. you know justin and derek are inseperable." but.. i dont know. im not asking derek to ditch justin, i just feel like since he's been back, he doesnt have any time to hang out with me. blah blah blah, it doesnt matter. maybe i should let go of this one before it can go anywhere. cos its only going to go badly. everything always ends badly.
kim was supposed to call me back once in her bedroom and out of the public areas of her home, so as to inform me of some scandal that happened last night.. but she never called back. its been like 2 hours. she said 5 minutes. i dont wanna call her back though cos its like 11:15 and shes living at home again.
thats about it on today. i never got dressed. i got up at 2, came out here, watched tv. candace woke up from her nap at like 430, she went to mcdonalds. we talked. watched the king of queens together, then we watched steel magnolias. i missed the middle part of the movie bc kim called and i was on the phone with her for like 45 minutes. finished watching it, did the crossword. mike signed on, and he didnt talk to me. fucker. im so mad that he has ditched me for this girl. when they break up he's gonna be all over talking to me all the time again, and wanting to hang out. i havent seen him in over a month! and, what, am i supposed to just let him back into my life, even though he has ceased caring about the goings on of it?
im ready for bed already. this sucks. last night twon was all busy trying to get courtney love to go upstairs. she kept reading what he was typing to me, and insisting that he should be screwing me. i told him to tell her that his friend gille gets drunk and sings "teenage whore" at bars. he told me that wasnt helping, bc now she thought i was even cooler and that he should definitely be screwing me, regardless of the fact that he has a woman. i thought it was funny. he probably did too, he was probably only acting like it was annoying. ah, his day-to-day dealings with crazy celebrities at the W.
have i mentioned lately how badly i need vegas? yah.
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