Wednesday, May 05, 2004
*its standard procedure, i serve no use for you*
glassjaw
work was painless today, despite the fact that i am definitely sick. sneezy and itchy eyes and icky. i feel a general crappiness about me. but i worked a party, and i did not work hard. i made $105 for lurking around and being pretty useless. woo. i was supposed to work a double, but i gave diccia my night shift. it was another party and i would have made another $150 or so, but. nah, i would rather nap.
so. i heard from the enigma today, he broke the five day silence.. he said "hey sexy. i just wanted to say hi and see how yr doing. i miss ya. hugs." see?!?! i told you that if i didnt message him he would miss me. but thats like THREE violations of "just friends" in one message. a) he called me sexy, b) he said he missed me (although he went with "ya" which makes it slightly less personal), and c) he gave me hugs, which he hasnt done in a while. so i resisted the urge to be like "awwww i miss YOU" and instead i said, simply, "hey. my allergies are acting up, so i feel like poop. how is yr week?" no miss you too, no hugs, no playful adjectives. which sucks. the best thing about us was always the fact that we could say *anything* to each other.. no matter how dirty, no matter how silly.. and not feel weird or awkward and just generally not care. and now i have to watch what i say, bc i cannot CANNOT let him believe that i still care. or show that i do. because this is my effort to be just friends. this is my way for us to not cuddle or hook up or ... i dont know. its just my effort at making sense. or maintaining a certain amount of distance. i miss him like crazy, i think about him constantly, and ..... ugh! honestly, this shit doesnt even need to be said. im 99% sure that i have no regular readers, since email has never graced my mailbox, but if there do exist regular gille readers, then you already know all this. you alerady know how badly i miss this boy, and how tortured my soul is over him. so why keep reiterating it? oh. cos i need to, thats why. sigh.
i think i feel more sneezes coming on. i know its like 830pm, but i really feel like i could use a nap. and the nap *always* wins. perhaps ill think of something more to say later...
glassjaw
work was painless today, despite the fact that i am definitely sick. sneezy and itchy eyes and icky. i feel a general crappiness about me. but i worked a party, and i did not work hard. i made $105 for lurking around and being pretty useless. woo. i was supposed to work a double, but i gave diccia my night shift. it was another party and i would have made another $150 or so, but. nah, i would rather nap.
so. i heard from the enigma today, he broke the five day silence.. he said "hey sexy. i just wanted to say hi and see how yr doing. i miss ya. hugs." see?!?! i told you that if i didnt message him he would miss me. but thats like THREE violations of "just friends" in one message. a) he called me sexy, b) he said he missed me (although he went with "ya" which makes it slightly less personal), and c) he gave me hugs, which he hasnt done in a while. so i resisted the urge to be like "awwww i miss YOU" and instead i said, simply, "hey. my allergies are acting up, so i feel like poop. how is yr week?" no miss you too, no hugs, no playful adjectives. which sucks. the best thing about us was always the fact that we could say *anything* to each other.. no matter how dirty, no matter how silly.. and not feel weird or awkward and just generally not care. and now i have to watch what i say, bc i cannot CANNOT let him believe that i still care. or show that i do. because this is my effort to be just friends. this is my way for us to not cuddle or hook up or ... i dont know. its just my effort at making sense. or maintaining a certain amount of distance. i miss him like crazy, i think about him constantly, and ..... ugh! honestly, this shit doesnt even need to be said. im 99% sure that i have no regular readers, since email has never graced my mailbox, but if there do exist regular gille readers, then you already know all this. you alerady know how badly i miss this boy, and how tortured my soul is over him. so why keep reiterating it? oh. cos i need to, thats why. sigh.
i think i feel more sneezes coming on. i know its like 830pm, but i really feel like i could use a nap. and the nap *always* wins. perhaps ill think of something more to say later...
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