Monday, May 31, 2004
*ive decided to tonight that im staying alive just kicking and screaming*
cursive
tonight was intense. actually, the whole entire DAY was intense. first of all, i couldnt sleep last night bc i kept getting text messages from kimberly. then bart. it was annoying. i went to bed early, which always results in me waking up sporatically bc my body is like "no, gille, not time!" got up early at 1040 and still left late for work. i was moving very slowly. got to work. i made realllllly good money, it was super busy and i was turning my tables really quick. i didnt have practically any campers, and by the time i did, we were closing anyway. i sold $1,786 and i made $218. not bad. i was sooo slammed for a while, it was crazy. but it all worked out, no shitty tips at all. easy people. i was very friendy. but ok so i moved upstairs at 5 and i got slammed with 7 tables, one of which was a party of 8 and another was a party of 6. all at once! it was really hot, tempers were flaring. we were all angry by 11, and i ended up in a screaming match with the new kitchen manager. fuck him. im too lazy to type out the details but there was cursing involved. i was being such an aries. so derek hears about it and comes upstairs bc he needs to know the details immediately, and im like "but its ok, bc we have some drinks in our future" and he was like "im beat, i dont think i can go" so i was pissed bc we had plans since fucking friday. and i know he was just going to be justins bitch, so whatever. i was like "my biggest pet peeve is people flaking on me, and yr fucking flaking on me" and he said "are you MAD at me?" and i was like "no whatever" and he said we'd discuss this later. i was like discuss what, whatever. so yah. i did my sidework i smoked a cigarette and as i was coming in, derek grabbed my arm and he was like "im really sorry, im really tired" and he put his arm around me and like massaged my back and i wanted not to be mad at him but i was. and he was like "gille, i wouldnt be any fun anyway" and i just got in the elevator. i changed, took care of all that crap, and i was leaving and i was still mad about javier (the kitchen guy) and about derek and i passed by derek to say bye and he was like "how about we'll get one drink?" and i said "no, you dont want to" and he said "one drink, not many." so i waited for him. i talked to gregg about the javier incident, and he assured me that i didnt have to worry about it, bc javier was yelling at me and i was yelling back. and my points were valid. for example, he was mad that jesse was washing round trays in the produce sink, but other kitchen managers and had instructed us to use that sink bc the dishwasher sink is always full... and now he doesnt want us using that sink. so TELL US. we arent fucking psychic. so whatever, i leave with derek and he asks if im hungry and i said i didnt care, so he said we should go to westway. we did. he had a bowl of lobster bisque (sooo derek) and we each had a corona. and we were talking about the drama and all that crap, and it just started really getting to me, and i got all sad and weird and i was still mad at him, too, and i said i wasnt going home, that i was going for a walk. and he got all worried, and he was like "i dont wanna send you home like this, but its justins first night at the apartment so i dont wanna bring you there, and hes waiting for me in a bar in brooklyn bc he doesnt have keys" and i was like right all along.. he has to go home for justin. so he made me promise id call him when i got home and he got in a cab on 9th avenue. i walked over to 44th and 8th. got in a cab. came home. called him. he said if i needed to talk about anything in the middle of the night bc i cant sleep or anything that i should call him. i said "thank you. i wont, but thank you" and he was like "well, you should." so i dont know. i mean theres obviously a lot of shit just making me feel so miserable lately and ive been intense and hard to get along with and super fiery these past few days but i mean this is a really scary time for me, and i feel kind of alone. kim is gone (only to LI but still, a lot of our time was at chevys, and that is gone now). i barely even talk to mike anymore bc he has a girlfriend again (as if i didnt know that would happen).. and its just sad and scary and i mean, a lot of it tonight is that i was really looking forward to going out with him and he totally bailed for justin. just the fact that justin was waiting on the keys made it obvious that he forgot we had plans or intended to ditch them, regardless of whether he was tired. so why would i call him to talk about it? to be like "you know, i was looking forward to hanging out with you tonight and you bailed and it upset me"? riiiight. so anyway. we were hanging up and i was like "well if you have nothing better to do one night give me a call and we'll get drinks" and he said he would, and that we should try to get together one day. blah. also at the diner he mentioned that i should come by and see this production or something, some actors and writers rented a spot and hes acting in a it and he write some of it, and it is next monday, so i should come by since im off on mondays. he said there was drinking involved. i told him to remind me. so whatever, i could or could not hear from him this week. maybe ill just see him thursday at work. and maybe he'll just go gome instead of working again, and we'll never go out again and ill be upset and ill feel used and ill be sad. hey wait. im already sad. and now i havent even gotten any. grrrr.
cursive
tonight was intense. actually, the whole entire DAY was intense. first of all, i couldnt sleep last night bc i kept getting text messages from kimberly. then bart. it was annoying. i went to bed early, which always results in me waking up sporatically bc my body is like "no, gille, not time!" got up early at 1040 and still left late for work. i was moving very slowly. got to work. i made realllllly good money, it was super busy and i was turning my tables really quick. i didnt have practically any campers, and by the time i did, we were closing anyway. i sold $1,786 and i made $218. not bad. i was sooo slammed for a while, it was crazy. but it all worked out, no shitty tips at all. easy people. i was very friendy. but ok so i moved upstairs at 5 and i got slammed with 7 tables, one of which was a party of 8 and another was a party of 6. all at once! it was really hot, tempers were flaring. we were all angry by 11, and i ended up in a screaming match with the new kitchen manager. fuck him. im too lazy to type out the details but there was cursing involved. i was being such an aries. so derek hears about it and comes upstairs bc he needs to know the details immediately, and im like "but its ok, bc we have some drinks in our future" and he was like "im beat, i dont think i can go" so i was pissed bc we had plans since fucking friday. and i know he was just going to be justins bitch, so whatever. i was like "my biggest pet peeve is people flaking on me, and yr fucking flaking on me" and he said "are you MAD at me?" and i was like "no whatever" and he said we'd discuss this later. i was like discuss what, whatever. so yah. i did my sidework i smoked a cigarette and as i was coming in, derek grabbed my arm and he was like "im really sorry, im really tired" and he put his arm around me and like massaged my back and i wanted not to be mad at him but i was. and he was like "gille, i wouldnt be any fun anyway" and i just got in the elevator. i changed, took care of all that crap, and i was leaving and i was still mad about javier (the kitchen guy) and about derek and i passed by derek to say bye and he was like "how about we'll get one drink?" and i said "no, you dont want to" and he said "one drink, not many." so i waited for him. i talked to gregg about the javier incident, and he assured me that i didnt have to worry about it, bc javier was yelling at me and i was yelling back. and my points were valid. for example, he was mad that jesse was washing round trays in the produce sink, but other kitchen managers and had instructed us to use that sink bc the dishwasher sink is always full... and now he doesnt want us using that sink. so TELL US. we arent fucking psychic. so whatever, i leave with derek and he asks if im hungry and i said i didnt care, so he said we should go to westway. we did. he had a bowl of lobster bisque (sooo derek) and we each had a corona. and we were talking about the drama and all that crap, and it just started really getting to me, and i got all sad and weird and i was still mad at him, too, and i said i wasnt going home, that i was going for a walk. and he got all worried, and he was like "i dont wanna send you home like this, but its justins first night at the apartment so i dont wanna bring you there, and hes waiting for me in a bar in brooklyn bc he doesnt have keys" and i was like right all along.. he has to go home for justin. so he made me promise id call him when i got home and he got in a cab on 9th avenue. i walked over to 44th and 8th. got in a cab. came home. called him. he said if i needed to talk about anything in the middle of the night bc i cant sleep or anything that i should call him. i said "thank you. i wont, but thank you" and he was like "well, you should." so i dont know. i mean theres obviously a lot of shit just making me feel so miserable lately and ive been intense and hard to get along with and super fiery these past few days but i mean this is a really scary time for me, and i feel kind of alone. kim is gone (only to LI but still, a lot of our time was at chevys, and that is gone now). i barely even talk to mike anymore bc he has a girlfriend again (as if i didnt know that would happen).. and its just sad and scary and i mean, a lot of it tonight is that i was really looking forward to going out with him and he totally bailed for justin. just the fact that justin was waiting on the keys made it obvious that he forgot we had plans or intended to ditch them, regardless of whether he was tired. so why would i call him to talk about it? to be like "you know, i was looking forward to hanging out with you tonight and you bailed and it upset me"? riiiight. so anyway. we were hanging up and i was like "well if you have nothing better to do one night give me a call and we'll get drinks" and he said he would, and that we should try to get together one day. blah. also at the diner he mentioned that i should come by and see this production or something, some actors and writers rented a spot and hes acting in a it and he write some of it, and it is next monday, so i should come by since im off on mondays. he said there was drinking involved. i told him to remind me. so whatever, i could or could not hear from him this week. maybe ill just see him thursday at work. and maybe he'll just go gome instead of working again, and we'll never go out again and ill be upset and ill feel used and ill be sad. hey wait. im already sad. and now i havent even gotten any. grrrr.
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