Friday, May 28, 2004
"there isnt another soul on this fucking planet that has ever made me half the man i am when im with you."
"even if, you know.. even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that i am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me"
"if this is a crush, i dont think i could take it if the real thing ever happened"
chasing amy
the first quote, well, i wish some guy would say that to me. ok, ryan sent it to me as an audio file back in high school when he was in love with me, but it wasnt the same effect i wanted. because i wasnt in love with him.
so tonight sucked i made $35, it was WAY WEAK. derek went home. before he left we smoked a cigarette, and i said id quit smoking if he did. we said we'd quit after this pack. but i cheated and i got another pack tonight. anyway. he was leaving and he said that he was probably going out with justin and shasta and teri for some drinks tonight, and that i should call him when i got out to meet up with them all. that cheered me up bc it was like he was making an effort (although i overlook the fact that the first three times we hung out alone, including the first time where nothing happened and i went home and hung out with mike, were times when he asked me to go out with him after work). i got out at like 9:45, and i thought that was too early, so i went over to the studio with bart. i called derek from there, and it went to his voicemail, which instructed me to leave a message and one of his associates would get back to me. that kid has the most ridiculous messages. but anyway. i left a message and he called me back like 5 minutes later, and said that he and justin were over at mike's and that they were going to have a few beers there and then shoot home. so i was bummed. went to the collins bar with bart for a drink, then came home. i am now watching chasing amy and being mopey because i have a nice clean fresh gorgeous bed and no one to share it with tonight. when he called me back, he said that kim and i should stop by chevy's tomorrow night to meet up with him, hes closing downstairs but he said he would see what time he got out and maybe meet up with us. but that does me no good bc i fucking have to open chevys saturday morning. which means i have to leave my apartment at 9:30am. i dont think i want to go out to park slope. the subway is like 15 blocks from his apartment, and the ride would be like 40 minutes.. i would have to leave his place at like 8:15. but if he came here, then he would have to get up ridiculously early and then be tired all day. unless i told him to stay as long as he liked and just bring my keys to work when he comes. who knows. im thinking ahead, which is silly bc you know. hes probably not going to come out. so no cuddles for me. EVER. grr.
i sent the enigma TWO text messages today. one at like 130, just like "hey gorgeous! hope yr day is beautiful. hugs." no response. then later, at like 1030 pm, i was outside on the studio roof, smoking a cig, and i wrote "hey im on a roof overlooking the city and thinking of you. miss ya." no response. maybe hes mad at me. maybe he didnt like my away message. maybe its bc i said "goodbye" to him the other day. maybe he hates me. ugh. why do i even care? im over it, remember? ok maybe not 100%, but damn i am doing so well. maybe he'll text me tomorrow to do something. my horoscope says i should plan a romantic evening. whatever. that is not going to happppppen.
well. im lonely. and i want that boy in my bed. but no. so i am going to uh, finish watching chasing amy.. and maybe just go to bed. cos why be awake for nothing?
oh my god, "stay" just came on and i want to cry. when alyssa yells "FUUUUCK" its so intense. *and i dont need to be yr only one, i dont need yr confidence, i just need you with me. stay, stay, stay with me. stay, stay, stay with me. stay, and dont you ever run away from me, stay, stay with me* jesus that part makes me so sad. goodbye.
"even if, you know.. even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that i am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me"
"if this is a crush, i dont think i could take it if the real thing ever happened"
chasing amy
the first quote, well, i wish some guy would say that to me. ok, ryan sent it to me as an audio file back in high school when he was in love with me, but it wasnt the same effect i wanted. because i wasnt in love with him.
so tonight sucked i made $35, it was WAY WEAK. derek went home. before he left we smoked a cigarette, and i said id quit smoking if he did. we said we'd quit after this pack. but i cheated and i got another pack tonight. anyway. he was leaving and he said that he was probably going out with justin and shasta and teri for some drinks tonight, and that i should call him when i got out to meet up with them all. that cheered me up bc it was like he was making an effort (although i overlook the fact that the first three times we hung out alone, including the first time where nothing happened and i went home and hung out with mike, were times when he asked me to go out with him after work). i got out at like 9:45, and i thought that was too early, so i went over to the studio with bart. i called derek from there, and it went to his voicemail, which instructed me to leave a message and one of his associates would get back to me. that kid has the most ridiculous messages. but anyway. i left a message and he called me back like 5 minutes later, and said that he and justin were over at mike's and that they were going to have a few beers there and then shoot home. so i was bummed. went to the collins bar with bart for a drink, then came home. i am now watching chasing amy and being mopey because i have a nice clean fresh gorgeous bed and no one to share it with tonight. when he called me back, he said that kim and i should stop by chevy's tomorrow night to meet up with him, hes closing downstairs but he said he would see what time he got out and maybe meet up with us. but that does me no good bc i fucking have to open chevys saturday morning. which means i have to leave my apartment at 9:30am. i dont think i want to go out to park slope. the subway is like 15 blocks from his apartment, and the ride would be like 40 minutes.. i would have to leave his place at like 8:15. but if he came here, then he would have to get up ridiculously early and then be tired all day. unless i told him to stay as long as he liked and just bring my keys to work when he comes. who knows. im thinking ahead, which is silly bc you know. hes probably not going to come out. so no cuddles for me. EVER. grr.
i sent the enigma TWO text messages today. one at like 130, just like "hey gorgeous! hope yr day is beautiful. hugs." no response. then later, at like 1030 pm, i was outside on the studio roof, smoking a cig, and i wrote "hey im on a roof overlooking the city and thinking of you. miss ya." no response. maybe hes mad at me. maybe he didnt like my away message. maybe its bc i said "goodbye" to him the other day. maybe he hates me. ugh. why do i even care? im over it, remember? ok maybe not 100%, but damn i am doing so well. maybe he'll text me tomorrow to do something. my horoscope says i should plan a romantic evening. whatever. that is not going to happppppen.
well. im lonely. and i want that boy in my bed. but no. so i am going to uh, finish watching chasing amy.. and maybe just go to bed. cos why be awake for nothing?
oh my god, "stay" just came on and i want to cry. when alyssa yells "FUUUUCK" its so intense. *and i dont need to be yr only one, i dont need yr confidence, i just need you with me. stay, stay, stay with me. stay, stay, stay with me. stay, and dont you ever run away from me, stay, stay with me* jesus that part makes me so sad. goodbye.
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