is it too late to heal?

*well, its not fair, its not even close. you tied me down, where im forced to watch as you poke holes in every part of me containing something secretly. something sacred to me. i lied my face off when i said that i would be okay. its never fine when you go away. these cuts run deep. these scars are permanent and always on display. this makes things difficult for me. its not fair, its not even close. you fed me the sun. burned me up inside and watched me choke on everything we did. on everything we lived. lets see if i can live again. i lied my face off when i said that i would be okay. its never fine when you go away. these cuts run deep. these scars are permanent and always on display. this makes things difficult for me. head like an empty, sterile room. somehow i made a mess. like watching newborn babies crack from work related stress.*
alkaline trio

im hot. i hate being hot. ugh. watchin conan. neat. i soooo need to take my contacts out. i think i have to perform a virus scan. grrrrr.. i hate this. i have nothing to say, really. i feel very disconnected from the enigma today. i sent him a message, but then i didnt feel like talking. he said when i move home we'll hang out, bc i expressed that i was scared to move bc all my friends are here. i was like "riiiiiight" and i flipped my phone shut. seriously. over it. ok maybe not bc i seriously do have feelings and all that crap, but... i dont know. feeling very very very very disconnected.

i got my work schedule today. im working tomorrow in nt4 which is 4 booths and an ok section. thursday im in nb2, which sucks bc i have to go to graduation early fri morning.. its a great station, but. ugh. um, what else.. im off fri for graduation. db3 saturday. day1 on sunday. eh. so yah. im not working with derek at all. on thursday hes working, thats our only shift together, and he is upstairs while i am in the bar. grrr. hes closing upstairs so its possibl we will go out. i will maybe call him tomorrow and be like hey i was thinking about drinkin tonight but yr not here. call me." cos i kinda dont wanna crash at his place thursday night, esp since i have to be here for graduation at 10. ugh. so we shall see. he is working sat and sun night. maybe ill make plans to hang out with some chevys people friday night to celebrate my graduation, like lee and kim and derek. that way we could all go out. and i could stealthly leave with derek. hmm.. we shall see. i needa get some, soon. dammit.

anyway i shall run virus scan now. xoxo.