Friday, June 04, 2004
*can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms. it's empty tonight and i'm all alone, get me through this one.. do you notice i'm gone? where do you run to so far away? i want you to know that i miss you, i miss you so*
finch
bah. today wasnt worth much for the most part. last night i worked. went to westway with the crew afterward. walked to the bridge with lee. it was routine. i was texting with the enigma for the greater part of the day, and of course he was being sexual and i told him that it was his fault i was all hot and bothered lately, and that it was his responsibility to come take care of me. and i said he should call in sick today. so this morning at 9:30 he texts me and hes like "i tried to call in sick today, but they convinced me to come in. i wanted to see you." so i was like "come out here tonight. i woke up thinking about you" and he texted me back like 2 hours later, and he was like "i have dinner plans tonight. were you thinking good things?" and then i said something like "it doesnt matter. sex talk is banned. you never have time for me." and he was like "ha. sorry for the disappoint. no more sex talk then. is that the only time you wanna see me?" and i was like "no i always want to see you. i try every week. yr the one who hasnt had time for me since you decided you didnt wanna anymore. *sticks out tongue*" and he didnt respond all day. i was mad. i think i cried for a minute bc i was so frustrated that he didnt come over when i wanted him to, but when *he* wants me, hes like here in 5 seconds. so i went back to sleep. i woke up at 4 and saw he hadnt texted me back, and i felt like an ass. so i sent him a message that said "sorry i was bitchy. i was cranky from only sleeping 4 hours, and being selfish cos i wanted to see you. now im rested and i feel like a jerk." and like 45 minutes later he was like "dont. no big deal." but short responses like that usually mean it is a big deal, and he is going to withdraw for a little while.. next fri is his last day at work. i think he quit. he might have only quit for the 2-3 months they will be on tour, though. i dont think they are leaving for tour right away.. so maybe we will get together. and be friends. cos the truth is, i miss HIM. like crazy. and even if there was no physical aspect to our meeting, i would be happy.
anyway. i got up, took a shower, called candace. met up with her at her job at 6, went to h&m. i got a red tennis skirt, 4 tank tops, and a bathing suit for summer. then we went to macys. i got this cute dress for the wedding on saturday. (im going to mike's aunts wedding. he needed a date cos he and his girl broke up two days ago. this is why we are talking again, cos he doesnt have her to distract him right now. probably he smothered her and thats why. hmm.) i also got $80 kenneth cole shoes. candace talked me into them. i dont know why i got them; i cannot afford $80 shoes. esp when i took off two days from work this week. then we went up to this italian restaurant and met up with mark (candaces gay husband) and their friend sally. we chatted and ate. we discussed derek's metrosexuality, and the possibility that he is gay. mark thinks no, but. i dont know. he came into work yesterday to give away the shift he had for tonight, and he seemed like he was coked up, which irritated me. hes been doing it again since justins back, i think. and im not really interested in a coke fiend.. they arent trustworthy. apparently he doesnt wanna hang out with me anymore anyway, we havent gone out in two weeks. well, we have, but not drinking. i was going to call him tonight but decided against it.
i need a tan. it needs to get suntan weather out. this year i will not have the advantage of 5 days in the NC sun, in july. that was fabulous last year. hopefully i will get to vegas, and get a tan out of that. and i plan to start getting up and going to the park when it gets into the 80s. cos yah, seriously, i need a tan. i have a little tan from aprils vegas excursion, but nothing to talk about.
ok. i clearly have nothing to say. so i am going now. goodnight.
*so he would buy her things and kiss her hair to show he was for real. and she would take those gifts and kisses though just stringing him along. she knew about those wooden boys, its an empty love to fill the void.*
cursive
finch
bah. today wasnt worth much for the most part. last night i worked. went to westway with the crew afterward. walked to the bridge with lee. it was routine. i was texting with the enigma for the greater part of the day, and of course he was being sexual and i told him that it was his fault i was all hot and bothered lately, and that it was his responsibility to come take care of me. and i said he should call in sick today. so this morning at 9:30 he texts me and hes like "i tried to call in sick today, but they convinced me to come in. i wanted to see you." so i was like "come out here tonight. i woke up thinking about you" and he texted me back like 2 hours later, and he was like "i have dinner plans tonight. were you thinking good things?" and then i said something like "it doesnt matter. sex talk is banned. you never have time for me." and he was like "ha. sorry for the disappoint. no more sex talk then. is that the only time you wanna see me?" and i was like "no i always want to see you. i try every week. yr the one who hasnt had time for me since you decided you didnt wanna anymore. *sticks out tongue*" and he didnt respond all day. i was mad. i think i cried for a minute bc i was so frustrated that he didnt come over when i wanted him to, but when *he* wants me, hes like here in 5 seconds. so i went back to sleep. i woke up at 4 and saw he hadnt texted me back, and i felt like an ass. so i sent him a message that said "sorry i was bitchy. i was cranky from only sleeping 4 hours, and being selfish cos i wanted to see you. now im rested and i feel like a jerk." and like 45 minutes later he was like "dont. no big deal." but short responses like that usually mean it is a big deal, and he is going to withdraw for a little while.. next fri is his last day at work. i think he quit. he might have only quit for the 2-3 months they will be on tour, though. i dont think they are leaving for tour right away.. so maybe we will get together. and be friends. cos the truth is, i miss HIM. like crazy. and even if there was no physical aspect to our meeting, i would be happy.
anyway. i got up, took a shower, called candace. met up with her at her job at 6, went to h&m. i got a red tennis skirt, 4 tank tops, and a bathing suit for summer. then we went to macys. i got this cute dress for the wedding on saturday. (im going to mike's aunts wedding. he needed a date cos he and his girl broke up two days ago. this is why we are talking again, cos he doesnt have her to distract him right now. probably he smothered her and thats why. hmm.) i also got $80 kenneth cole shoes. candace talked me into them. i dont know why i got them; i cannot afford $80 shoes. esp when i took off two days from work this week. then we went up to this italian restaurant and met up with mark (candaces gay husband) and their friend sally. we chatted and ate. we discussed derek's metrosexuality, and the possibility that he is gay. mark thinks no, but. i dont know. he came into work yesterday to give away the shift he had for tonight, and he seemed like he was coked up, which irritated me. hes been doing it again since justins back, i think. and im not really interested in a coke fiend.. they arent trustworthy. apparently he doesnt wanna hang out with me anymore anyway, we havent gone out in two weeks. well, we have, but not drinking. i was going to call him tonight but decided against it.
i need a tan. it needs to get suntan weather out. this year i will not have the advantage of 5 days in the NC sun, in july. that was fabulous last year. hopefully i will get to vegas, and get a tan out of that. and i plan to start getting up and going to the park when it gets into the 80s. cos yah, seriously, i need a tan. i have a little tan from aprils vegas excursion, but nothing to talk about.
ok. i clearly have nothing to say. so i am going now. goodnight.
*so he would buy her things and kiss her hair to show he was for real. and she would take those gifts and kisses though just stringing him along. she knew about those wooden boys, its an empty love to fill the void.*
cursive
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