Monday, June 14, 2004
*for so long i thought i was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice. and being with you here makes me sane, i fear ill go crazy if you leave my side.*
dashboard
oh!my!god! 4 hours and 15 minutes! ok, probably 5 or 6 or 7 hours. but if he *really* gets here at 8, then FOUR HOURS!! aaah! my stomach is twisted with excitement, i cant stop thinking about the moment he arrives, i cant wait to be wrapped up in his arms and enveloped in his scent and mmmm!! MMMMM!! oh my god oh my god oh my god. i swear to god that if this isnt love, then i have no idea what this feeling is, and ive never felt anything as instense as this.. i never imagined that my heart could ache for the same man for seven years.. especially considering that i met him when i was 17. i was so young and immature, and how could this have sprouted then? no one has ever made me melt the way he does, no one has ever gave me these butterflies.. and every time i have a text message from him my eyes light up. i constantly think about moving to LI and how i will be closer to him, and when he gets home from tour.... oh gille, stop it! i cant do this to myself. he is going to be on tour until september, and then maybe out again in october.. and thats fine with me, cos i know he doesnt hook up on he road, and i know that ill be there when he gets home.. but i dont know that i am the girl he wants to come home to.. but remember yesterday? remember "i always feel like i'd be happier with you"? what did that MEAN? both of us wake up wishing the other was there. both of us miss each other, and think of each other all the time..
oh my god oh my god.. my stomach is twisting, it feels like my insides are melting and i am choking on every breath that brings me closer to yr arrival.. please dont bail, please be here by 10.. i mean. i can understand if he oversleeps a little and doesnt get out here till noon.. but i dont want that. i figure he will want to leave by 4, since he has practice at 630. i want him here at 8, giving me 8 solid hours with him.. eight sold hours of cuddles and hugs and nestling.. and oh my god. i see it when i close my eyes, i feel my head on his chest.. i feel my face inches from his, warm breath on my face.. i imagine the feeling and the anticipation and the intensity that is us.. while i lay there, eyes closed.. and ill occasionally peak at you, see if yr sleeping.. and maybe yr face will inch closer to mine, until yr lips are literally right on mine, ill feel the warmth exuding from yr mouth and ill know its almost time to lose myself in this boy, this boy i adore, this boy i would wait forever for, to be his girl, and to wake up every morning beside him..
oh its 4:06!! that means less than 4 hours! aaaah! i cannot even convey my excitement properly. the best way for me to explain the feeling is mush. my insides feel like mush, they are all a mess of feeling and anticipation and fear. the fear is that he will cancel, or that things will go badly. i know i wont be able to sleep. i know i will be a mess, and that i will close my eyes and immediately be struck with this sense of.. elation. my lips will impulsively work themselves into a smile.. and i wont be able to stop it, my eyes will pop open, my heart will skip beats and ill lay there in amazement. because you AMAZE me. i am simply amazed by everything you do to me, by everything you say to me, by the overwhelming longevity of these feelings i thought could be erased so easily. i let go of boys so easily.. sure i might ache for a while when things are over, but i usually move on. i cannot move on from you, i cannot make my way in the world without thinking of the possiblity of us.
oooohhh 3 hours and 45 minutes. im going to lay down. because i have to wake up at 730 and text you to see if you are on yr way, and then i have to shower and go back to sleep.. oh my god, remember to breathe, gille.. remember to take it one minute at a time, remember that forever doesnt start tomorrow, and that this love has lasted through trials and tribulations and much heartbreak.. and its not going anywhere. there is a time and place.. and someday the conditions with be favorable, and you will need me. and the fantasy of us waking up together every single day will become a reality. i wanna fast forward through everything else. because you are my destiny.
and i think that, deep down, you know this, too.
dashboard
oh!my!god! 4 hours and 15 minutes! ok, probably 5 or 6 or 7 hours. but if he *really* gets here at 8, then FOUR HOURS!! aaah! my stomach is twisted with excitement, i cant stop thinking about the moment he arrives, i cant wait to be wrapped up in his arms and enveloped in his scent and mmmm!! MMMMM!! oh my god oh my god oh my god. i swear to god that if this isnt love, then i have no idea what this feeling is, and ive never felt anything as instense as this.. i never imagined that my heart could ache for the same man for seven years.. especially considering that i met him when i was 17. i was so young and immature, and how could this have sprouted then? no one has ever made me melt the way he does, no one has ever gave me these butterflies.. and every time i have a text message from him my eyes light up. i constantly think about moving to LI and how i will be closer to him, and when he gets home from tour.... oh gille, stop it! i cant do this to myself. he is going to be on tour until september, and then maybe out again in october.. and thats fine with me, cos i know he doesnt hook up on he road, and i know that ill be there when he gets home.. but i dont know that i am the girl he wants to come home to.. but remember yesterday? remember "i always feel like i'd be happier with you"? what did that MEAN? both of us wake up wishing the other was there. both of us miss each other, and think of each other all the time..
oh my god oh my god.. my stomach is twisting, it feels like my insides are melting and i am choking on every breath that brings me closer to yr arrival.. please dont bail, please be here by 10.. i mean. i can understand if he oversleeps a little and doesnt get out here till noon.. but i dont want that. i figure he will want to leave by 4, since he has practice at 630. i want him here at 8, giving me 8 solid hours with him.. eight sold hours of cuddles and hugs and nestling.. and oh my god. i see it when i close my eyes, i feel my head on his chest.. i feel my face inches from his, warm breath on my face.. i imagine the feeling and the anticipation and the intensity that is us.. while i lay there, eyes closed.. and ill occasionally peak at you, see if yr sleeping.. and maybe yr face will inch closer to mine, until yr lips are literally right on mine, ill feel the warmth exuding from yr mouth and ill know its almost time to lose myself in this boy, this boy i adore, this boy i would wait forever for, to be his girl, and to wake up every morning beside him..
oh its 4:06!! that means less than 4 hours! aaaah! i cannot even convey my excitement properly. the best way for me to explain the feeling is mush. my insides feel like mush, they are all a mess of feeling and anticipation and fear. the fear is that he will cancel, or that things will go badly. i know i wont be able to sleep. i know i will be a mess, and that i will close my eyes and immediately be struck with this sense of.. elation. my lips will impulsively work themselves into a smile.. and i wont be able to stop it, my eyes will pop open, my heart will skip beats and ill lay there in amazement. because you AMAZE me. i am simply amazed by everything you do to me, by everything you say to me, by the overwhelming longevity of these feelings i thought could be erased so easily. i let go of boys so easily.. sure i might ache for a while when things are over, but i usually move on. i cannot move on from you, i cannot make my way in the world without thinking of the possiblity of us.
oooohhh 3 hours and 45 minutes. im going to lay down. because i have to wake up at 730 and text you to see if you are on yr way, and then i have to shower and go back to sleep.. oh my god, remember to breathe, gille.. remember to take it one minute at a time, remember that forever doesnt start tomorrow, and that this love has lasted through trials and tribulations and much heartbreak.. and its not going anywhere. there is a time and place.. and someday the conditions with be favorable, and you will need me. and the fantasy of us waking up together every single day will become a reality. i wanna fast forward through everything else. because you are my destiny.
and i think that, deep down, you know this, too.
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