Sunday, July 18, 2004
*and everyone's my friend in new york city.. and everything looks beautiful when yr young and pretty.. the streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see.. but the best thing about new york city isyou and me...*
cub
so. i clicked on this new font, but nothing happened. BOO. i think i can change the color now though. which is weird. blogger is getting complicated.. this could be fun.
im soooo tired. i wanna go to bed, but it is not yet time for such activities. its barely 2am, which means i can be awake probably another hour. i totally pigged out tonight. candace went to the beach with mike and they got home at like 940.. so candace and i rushed to key food so we could have the required food stuffs for candace and gille day II. we have huge plans for tomorrow. im gonna get up at like noon.. and we are going to pull out the futon, and we are going to lay on the bed and watch movies. we got five. they are: monster, 50 first dates, butterfly effect, texas chainsaw massacre, and... fuck oh, peter pan. 50 first dates and butterfly effect were recommended by a bartender at work. we got texas chainsaw bc i have never seen it. we got monster for instensity, and peter pan bc it rooooocks hardcore. yo. we got the preparations for our mexican fiesta at the store.. we got refried beans, corn tortillas, lettuce, sour cream, taco cheese.. candace got some ground beef for her tacos. we got two cakes (raspberry danish twist mmmmm and chocolate chip crumb cake). we got string cheese and doritoes and popcorn and soda. we are going to be official wastes of life. i feel like we should start the day with a regular movie, a light hearted comedy perhaps. like 50 first dates. starting with monster might be too intense. we could also start with peter pan. its gonna rockkk and yr gonna be sooo jealous.
um.. so yesterday sucked pretty much. work was ok, i was only expecting to make like $65 in section 15, but the person in 17 didnt show up so this girl chris and i split the room. we started off with a party of 30, which was an automatic grat of $45 each. i had high checks and good tips, and i ended up walking with $190! on a friday night! i never make that much upstairs on a friday night! so i was happy. it evened out today, though, cos i only made $110 today. normal (read: busy) saturdays are good for like $200, but not today. i didnt make very much money this week, but i made enough and i can put a lot of it in the bank. i need to be a little more responsible with my funds in the upcoming weeks, since i am no longer getting my free $320 a month from rutgers university. boo. anyway, so im at work and im getting ready to leave, and mike calls.. let me back up for a second. im still really sick. my head feels like its exploding and i cough a LOT. and on top of that, keep in mind that ive just worked 7.5 hours, where i was running around the WHOLE TIME with six BIG tables at once (i had three tables that sat 6 and three that sat four).. so ok, he calls me and hes like "when are you coming home?" and i said soon, so he was like "ill see you when you get home".. so im like "oh, yr in greenpoint?" and he told me that he was with candace, and that he was sleeping over so they could go to the beach today. which was annoying to me anyway, since i *hate* mixing my friends, i hate when my friends hang out without me, i feel like im going to miss something.. but on top of that, i didnt go out with twon after work bc i didnt feel good, and all i wanted to do was come home, smoke, do the crossword, blog a little, and go to bed after drinking some night robitussin pm. however, having mike here impeded that. i didnt *want* to hang out with him, he didnt run it by me, he was just HERE and i had nothing to do about it. so whatever, i hopped in a cab and i came home and when i came in, they were drunk and i was like "im in a bad mood, im not going to hang out." so i go into my room, and im about to smoke and lay down, when candace knocks on my door. she comes in, and i start saying that im tired, i dont feel good, i dont want him here, i feel like i have to entertain him, and plus im mad at him.. bc thurs night we had a fight about me and my stupid boy decisions. he says that im too smart for this, and that im doing it to myself and blah blah blah blah.. just butting in and trying to control me and make me see it his way, but i *cant* see it his way.. he isnt in the situation, he doesnt spend time with us when the boy is here, and he doesnt know how giddy he makes me. he cannot be an impartial judge bc he has admitted to wishing there could be more between us if it were not for the fact that im "obsessed" with someone else.. so i mean, in that respect, he has motive for making me get over the enigma. and fuck that, dont be selfish. i could never be with mike. our relationship is like that of an old married couple who arent in love anymore. yah, we enjoy each others company, and we have a good time and we laugh, but there is nothing else there, no spark, no youthful enthusiasm, no passion. and its impossible to stir a passion within me. ive looked at him before, trying to feel anything there is to feel, and NOTHING. so.. all is lost for him and delusions of us. sooooo i talk to candace for like 20 mins and she gets me to come out here to look at pictures. and mike sits silently on the couch. then like 30 mins later he takes my keys and goes out for a walk. at like 330am! who the fuck goes walking around the factory district of greenpoint at 330am? no one. michael, apparently. so he finally came back, and we smoked and then we went to bed. and when we were laying there, he was like "im really sorry i upset you last night" and i was like "its ok" all curtly, signaling i didnt want to talk about it. this morning i got up, got dressed, and went to work. he called me like 5 mins before candace got home, and he was like "im 5 mins away, what are yr plans for tonight?" and i was sleeping.. so i was confused and i was like "ill just see you when you get here" but he didnt come in. weird. i think hes still touchy about last night. he doesnt understand that sometimes i wanna be alone, and that sometimes i dont want to deal with him. and it was sort of arrogant for him to assume i would *want* to hang out last night. he didnt like run it by me thursday night. he didnt say "hey i might come by tomorrow to stay over to take candace to the beach." so im also irritated that they went without me. we had a beach pact. so i think i might go to jones beach by myself one day. fuck them. or ill go to smiths point next time im home. whatever. the whole thing was just annoying.
lastly.. the enigma. we have been texting solidly for two days. i think he is going to charlotte or something tonight to stay with a friend. the tour schedule says they are playing cbgb tomorrow, but of course he hasnt told me about that. he talks about tuesday constantly, which is exciting. but then it also builds my hopes WAYYY up, and we all know that is a bad, bad scene, as he is NOT trustworthy. i figure he is way more likely to show up being that we have two days of sex planned, but.. im afraid im going to get my period at some inopportune moment, like say tomorrow or monday. what would i do? send hima text, like "hey. bad news. we're not going to be able to continue as planned unless you dont mind crime scene"? grr. im like begging my body to hold off, but all the signs are there, i am moody and tempermental and tired.. and my belly is a little bloated. i swear all will be lost if it comes.. yesterday would have been ok, even today would have been doable, cos it would be trailing off by tuesday. the window of the next 72 hours ruins EVERYTHING.
im tired. i think i will go to bed.. i need a good nights sleep, and if i go now, i can sleep like 9 hours. woo. plus my eyes are burning and this seems like a good time to rest my weary bones. sweet dreams, world.
cub
so. i clicked on this new font, but nothing happened. BOO. i think i can change the color now though. which is weird. blogger is getting complicated.. this could be fun.
im soooo tired. i wanna go to bed, but it is not yet time for such activities. its barely 2am, which means i can be awake probably another hour. i totally pigged out tonight. candace went to the beach with mike and they got home at like 940.. so candace and i rushed to key food so we could have the required food stuffs for candace and gille day II. we have huge plans for tomorrow. im gonna get up at like noon.. and we are going to pull out the futon, and we are going to lay on the bed and watch movies. we got five. they are: monster, 50 first dates, butterfly effect, texas chainsaw massacre, and... fuck oh, peter pan. 50 first dates and butterfly effect were recommended by a bartender at work. we got texas chainsaw bc i have never seen it. we got monster for instensity, and peter pan bc it rooooocks hardcore. yo. we got the preparations for our mexican fiesta at the store.. we got refried beans, corn tortillas, lettuce, sour cream, taco cheese.. candace got some ground beef for her tacos. we got two cakes (raspberry danish twist mmmmm and chocolate chip crumb cake). we got string cheese and doritoes and popcorn and soda. we are going to be official wastes of life. i feel like we should start the day with a regular movie, a light hearted comedy perhaps. like 50 first dates. starting with monster might be too intense. we could also start with peter pan. its gonna rockkk and yr gonna be sooo jealous.
um.. so yesterday sucked pretty much. work was ok, i was only expecting to make like $65 in section 15, but the person in 17 didnt show up so this girl chris and i split the room. we started off with a party of 30, which was an automatic grat of $45 each. i had high checks and good tips, and i ended up walking with $190! on a friday night! i never make that much upstairs on a friday night! so i was happy. it evened out today, though, cos i only made $110 today. normal (read: busy) saturdays are good for like $200, but not today. i didnt make very much money this week, but i made enough and i can put a lot of it in the bank. i need to be a little more responsible with my funds in the upcoming weeks, since i am no longer getting my free $320 a month from rutgers university. boo. anyway, so im at work and im getting ready to leave, and mike calls.. let me back up for a second. im still really sick. my head feels like its exploding and i cough a LOT. and on top of that, keep in mind that ive just worked 7.5 hours, where i was running around the WHOLE TIME with six BIG tables at once (i had three tables that sat 6 and three that sat four).. so ok, he calls me and hes like "when are you coming home?" and i said soon, so he was like "ill see you when you get home".. so im like "oh, yr in greenpoint?" and he told me that he was with candace, and that he was sleeping over so they could go to the beach today. which was annoying to me anyway, since i *hate* mixing my friends, i hate when my friends hang out without me, i feel like im going to miss something.. but on top of that, i didnt go out with twon after work bc i didnt feel good, and all i wanted to do was come home, smoke, do the crossword, blog a little, and go to bed after drinking some night robitussin pm. however, having mike here impeded that. i didnt *want* to hang out with him, he didnt run it by me, he was just HERE and i had nothing to do about it. so whatever, i hopped in a cab and i came home and when i came in, they were drunk and i was like "im in a bad mood, im not going to hang out." so i go into my room, and im about to smoke and lay down, when candace knocks on my door. she comes in, and i start saying that im tired, i dont feel good, i dont want him here, i feel like i have to entertain him, and plus im mad at him.. bc thurs night we had a fight about me and my stupid boy decisions. he says that im too smart for this, and that im doing it to myself and blah blah blah blah.. just butting in and trying to control me and make me see it his way, but i *cant* see it his way.. he isnt in the situation, he doesnt spend time with us when the boy is here, and he doesnt know how giddy he makes me. he cannot be an impartial judge bc he has admitted to wishing there could be more between us if it were not for the fact that im "obsessed" with someone else.. so i mean, in that respect, he has motive for making me get over the enigma. and fuck that, dont be selfish. i could never be with mike. our relationship is like that of an old married couple who arent in love anymore. yah, we enjoy each others company, and we have a good time and we laugh, but there is nothing else there, no spark, no youthful enthusiasm, no passion. and its impossible to stir a passion within me. ive looked at him before, trying to feel anything there is to feel, and NOTHING. so.. all is lost for him and delusions of us. sooooo i talk to candace for like 20 mins and she gets me to come out here to look at pictures. and mike sits silently on the couch. then like 30 mins later he takes my keys and goes out for a walk. at like 330am! who the fuck goes walking around the factory district of greenpoint at 330am? no one. michael, apparently. so he finally came back, and we smoked and then we went to bed. and when we were laying there, he was like "im really sorry i upset you last night" and i was like "its ok" all curtly, signaling i didnt want to talk about it. this morning i got up, got dressed, and went to work. he called me like 5 mins before candace got home, and he was like "im 5 mins away, what are yr plans for tonight?" and i was sleeping.. so i was confused and i was like "ill just see you when you get here" but he didnt come in. weird. i think hes still touchy about last night. he doesnt understand that sometimes i wanna be alone, and that sometimes i dont want to deal with him. and it was sort of arrogant for him to assume i would *want* to hang out last night. he didnt like run it by me thursday night. he didnt say "hey i might come by tomorrow to stay over to take candace to the beach." so im also irritated that they went without me. we had a beach pact. so i think i might go to jones beach by myself one day. fuck them. or ill go to smiths point next time im home. whatever. the whole thing was just annoying.
lastly.. the enigma. we have been texting solidly for two days. i think he is going to charlotte or something tonight to stay with a friend. the tour schedule says they are playing cbgb tomorrow, but of course he hasnt told me about that. he talks about tuesday constantly, which is exciting. but then it also builds my hopes WAYYY up, and we all know that is a bad, bad scene, as he is NOT trustworthy. i figure he is way more likely to show up being that we have two days of sex planned, but.. im afraid im going to get my period at some inopportune moment, like say tomorrow or monday. what would i do? send hima text, like "hey. bad news. we're not going to be able to continue as planned unless you dont mind crime scene"? grr. im like begging my body to hold off, but all the signs are there, i am moody and tempermental and tired.. and my belly is a little bloated. i swear all will be lost if it comes.. yesterday would have been ok, even today would have been doable, cos it would be trailing off by tuesday. the window of the next 72 hours ruins EVERYTHING.
im tired. i think i will go to bed.. i need a good nights sleep, and if i go now, i can sleep like 9 hours. woo. plus my eyes are burning and this seems like a good time to rest my weary bones. sweet dreams, world.
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