Wednesday, July 14, 2004
*at least im workin now, this is my second day, i hate it so much here, i do it anyway. it doesnt help at all, what youve done to me. im goin crazy, i think about you constantly. if i could treat you like shit then you'd love me forever. if i could treat you like shit then you'd love me forever and ever and ever.. a small part of me is sayin i still have a chance, the rest of me is laughing at the first part for bein so naive, i dont know what to do but i wanna tell you something, i wanna tell yo somethin..*
plow united
blogger is down right now. grrr. until 1am here. soooo i am now writing this in a blank email, and i will post it into blogger at the allowed time. presently it is 1154pm.
im watching leno while i type this. no one is online, and im texting with the enigma, but he must be driving bc his responses are a little bit far apart. his last one was at 1137. therefore i have no one to talk to bc candace went to bed at 1020, and i am lonely. i will type to keep myself company.
la la la. i dont have much to say. i napped, as i said it would. i got a message from the boy saying he wants to go to atlantic city tuesday night. this is a problem bc i have twon's record release that night. im hoping we can leave at like 930. that way, i could stay at the party for 2 hours, and then jet back here to head to ac.. i mean, its up all night, anyway if we got there at midnight, it would still be fun. we could go to the boardwalk or whatever, gamble a little, and stay out all night. i would have to give away my next wednesday shift. ooh i just heard from him again. we havent talked about ac since my nap, now we're just babbling about stuff. we're trying not to talk sexual, but it goes that way cos thats what we talk about.. and i mean, after he tells me they played and he has heat rash, and that he was eating chick filet, and ive told him about my errands, and napping, there isnt much left to say. but neither of us stops the messaging. and eventually it turns sexual. then one of us points out that its veering from the path, and we go back to talking about hugs, but i swear hugs is a code word for makin it in our being safe conversations. it makes us feel like we're being harmless, cos hugs are harmless, but in our heads, "hugs" means "lovin."
but i digress.. so i napped. i kept having bad dreams, i think they involved the boy, and i think i was feeling crappy. i would wake up like every 15 or 20 minutes all confused, and not sure if i was awake or asleep. then i finally fell asleep for about 2 hours. i heard candace come in, and i had asked her to pick me up some dinner, so i got up. stumbled out to the couch, half asleep still.. i ate my mcdonalds cheeseburgers with no meat. watched summerland with candace.. then we turned on law and order, and she went to bed. ive been sitting here since. i talked to myspace mike for a little while, he asked me if i was still juggling boys, and i said no. he said he was going to bed, but that he and his long distance gf had broken up and he would email me about it soon.
eeeeep. i feel wayy stuffy. its 1209. i want to have something to do. i really wanted to update my sidebar and add a bunch more bands. i dont like how my page stops loading with the counter. i do not know how to fix it. i usually hit refresh a bunch of times and the little marker on the side gets longer. i figure in the meantime, if i expand my sidebar, more of my blog will show since the counter appears below the sidebar. i dont know how many bands i wanna add though. i have a mental block a lot of the time. it happens.
eeep eeep eeeeppp. where is my friend michael? hmm. he has been sort of depressed lately, so he hasnt been the same to talk to. and hes been in outer space. im feeling quite sleepy. i wanna stay up till like 2, but i dont know if that will be possible. time is like DRIPPING. it is only 1216. thats like an hour and 44 minutes till my goal bedtime. i dont wanna smoke again cos that 2/3 of a joint is all i got.. leaving me enough for before work tomorrow and after, in case my girl is not there or out.
candace wants to see the village. i told her i wouldnt go unless she wanted to cuddle. scary movies must be seen with boys. being scared with boys is the besssssssst.
so i think that the next time i call kim it will be to say that this is the last time im calling. she hasnt called me back in forfuckingever. she texted me for a minute on the 4th of july, but i havent heard a peep from her since. i talked about it with m therapist, and she said if we talk about it, i shoulod use "i statements" so.. i dunno. i just want her to freakin call me. i feel abandoned.
1221.. intense. an hour and 39 minutes. im kinda hungry. i could so go for some potato salad. i have regular salad and oil and vinegar.. not in the mood to cut my cuke though. im way too lazy to eat most of the time. today i was hungry from 11am till 9 when candace got home with my mcdonalds. i did have 2 pieces of cheese around 4pm, though. and since the burgers, i had one zebra cake and a brownie. a cosmic brownie. it was a little bit too much for me. i realllly want some fudge. if we go to ac, i better get some fudge out of it. they must have a boardwalk there, and no boardwalk is complete without fudge.
ok. im going to go take out my contacts....
alright i just ate four more pieces of cheese. sorry michael, i know you bought groceries for you bc you practically live here, but you cannot leave cheese around me. i am addicted to it. if i left beer at his house, i would not expect it to still be there when i went back.
*cough, cough*
its 1232. this is taking longer than usual for the boy. last message was att 1157. they have typically been like 20 or 25 minutes apart. see, i wanna go to bed, but i wanna talk to him a little more. i wish he would respond quicker. i do wanna watch conan though, so all is not lost. brandy is on leno. i forgot about her. she is wearing hipster pumps. i think. they appear to be gold.this is a terrible outfit. brandy got back. i never noticed before.
i want to have a cough drop, but they make my coca-cola taste like ass. and i sliced my tongue on the subway this morning, bc my cough drop had one of those holes in it. you know. the kind that slice yr mouth. like a paper cut on yr tongue. ouch! so im trying to stay away from the drops. they are honey lemon. mmm. i wanted to the cherry with goo inside, but they didnt have any. i will probably go through my whole bag of cough drops at work tomorrow. i am working at 430 in NB2. woo. thats good money. maybe if im lucky, derek will be there. but i doubt it. the more likely man i'll be working with is lee harvey. oh well. lee will do.
1239. if he doesnt respond in the next 20 mins, i will resend my last text message. i dont feel obsessive when i do it, cos he does it to me all the time. the other day he waited 8 minutes before re-messaging me. so there.
my towels came out very fluffy today. i put lots of fabric softener in there, and i cannot wait to get clean tomorrow. the toweling off shall be splendid. i kinda cleaned my room before, i folded the mess of clothing around my bed. but i didnt hang anything up. i almost had the motivation to go to the dollar store and buy some hangers, but then i thought what the hell. im moving in two months tops, so i need to take everything off hangers and pack it soon anyway. and they are all t-shirts, which i do not wear in summer, so they arent causing me any stress. im thinking abou starting to pack soon. it doesnt make sense to start so soon, but.. i dont have that much stuff. so maybe its not important. i have books and bathroom crap.. pots, dishes.. grr. this is going to suck. im not even sure what is mine anymore. weve lived together for THREE years. i think the mirror in the living room is mine. the tvs, the dvds, the vcr, all the video games, and most of the movies are mine. the lamp is mine, the vases are mine. most of the candle holders and scented oil things are mine. one of makeshift end tables is mine. i will pack my dishes in there, i think. its a little plastic tupperware thing with drawers. right now it just houses random crap that i would regularly have kept in a desk. this place is going to be so empty without me. her bathroom will no longer be crowded with my crap.. my bathroom will reman cluttered, since i have a ridiculous amount of hair care products. the living room will be practically empty. shell have her one makeshift end table, her futon, the rug, and the shelves that the tv and dvd and vcr are on. however, the shelves will be bare. most of the cds are mine. she'll have stefs old, broken stereo. i want to buy her good mourning before i move, bc i think she will miss alkaline trio without me. and she listens to that cd when i am not home, as well, so i want her to have her own. the step stool is mine, she'll probably have to get a new one. the key rack is mine, but i will likely leave it for her. the coat rack is mine, and i will probably leave that, as well, since it has been drilled into the wall. maybe i will get a coat tree when i move. maybe i will have a hall closet.
anyway. that was mindless blabber, wasnt it? ha. if anyone of you random people who read this are still reading, i will assume you are very very bored.
1252. almost time for me to be able to post this! woo. i should perhaps come up with some lyrics for the beginning of my post. ... ok i chose plow lyrics that have been in my head since sunday when we drove to the beach and i put on my punk rock mix tape that i made in 1997.
i just remessaged the enigma. lets see if i hear back. i have an hour to stay awake. my eyes are very tired, and itchy. and i feel like i need to sneeze more. i have no crosswords left. i could try the dictionary.com ones. eh. im not motivated.
ok well blogger should be available again now, its 104am. let me go see... aight. i shall now work on sidebar.
xoxo
plow united
blogger is down right now. grrr. until 1am here. soooo i am now writing this in a blank email, and i will post it into blogger at the allowed time. presently it is 1154pm.
im watching leno while i type this. no one is online, and im texting with the enigma, but he must be driving bc his responses are a little bit far apart. his last one was at 1137. therefore i have no one to talk to bc candace went to bed at 1020, and i am lonely. i will type to keep myself company.
la la la. i dont have much to say. i napped, as i said it would. i got a message from the boy saying he wants to go to atlantic city tuesday night. this is a problem bc i have twon's record release that night. im hoping we can leave at like 930. that way, i could stay at the party for 2 hours, and then jet back here to head to ac.. i mean, its up all night, anyway if we got there at midnight, it would still be fun. we could go to the boardwalk or whatever, gamble a little, and stay out all night. i would have to give away my next wednesday shift. ooh i just heard from him again. we havent talked about ac since my nap, now we're just babbling about stuff. we're trying not to talk sexual, but it goes that way cos thats what we talk about.. and i mean, after he tells me they played and he has heat rash, and that he was eating chick filet, and ive told him about my errands, and napping, there isnt much left to say. but neither of us stops the messaging. and eventually it turns sexual. then one of us points out that its veering from the path, and we go back to talking about hugs, but i swear hugs is a code word for makin it in our being safe conversations. it makes us feel like we're being harmless, cos hugs are harmless, but in our heads, "hugs" means "lovin."
but i digress.. so i napped. i kept having bad dreams, i think they involved the boy, and i think i was feeling crappy. i would wake up like every 15 or 20 minutes all confused, and not sure if i was awake or asleep. then i finally fell asleep for about 2 hours. i heard candace come in, and i had asked her to pick me up some dinner, so i got up. stumbled out to the couch, half asleep still.. i ate my mcdonalds cheeseburgers with no meat. watched summerland with candace.. then we turned on law and order, and she went to bed. ive been sitting here since. i talked to myspace mike for a little while, he asked me if i was still juggling boys, and i said no. he said he was going to bed, but that he and his long distance gf had broken up and he would email me about it soon.
eeeeep. i feel wayy stuffy. its 1209. i want to have something to do. i really wanted to update my sidebar and add a bunch more bands. i dont like how my page stops loading with the counter. i do not know how to fix it. i usually hit refresh a bunch of times and the little marker on the side gets longer. i figure in the meantime, if i expand my sidebar, more of my blog will show since the counter appears below the sidebar. i dont know how many bands i wanna add though. i have a mental block a lot of the time. it happens.
eeep eeep eeeeppp. where is my friend michael? hmm. he has been sort of depressed lately, so he hasnt been the same to talk to. and hes been in outer space. im feeling quite sleepy. i wanna stay up till like 2, but i dont know if that will be possible. time is like DRIPPING. it is only 1216. thats like an hour and 44 minutes till my goal bedtime. i dont wanna smoke again cos that 2/3 of a joint is all i got.. leaving me enough for before work tomorrow and after, in case my girl is not there or out.
candace wants to see the village. i told her i wouldnt go unless she wanted to cuddle. scary movies must be seen with boys. being scared with boys is the besssssssst.
so i think that the next time i call kim it will be to say that this is the last time im calling. she hasnt called me back in forfuckingever. she texted me for a minute on the 4th of july, but i havent heard a peep from her since. i talked about it with m therapist, and she said if we talk about it, i shoulod use "i statements" so.. i dunno. i just want her to freakin call me. i feel abandoned.
1221.. intense. an hour and 39 minutes. im kinda hungry. i could so go for some potato salad. i have regular salad and oil and vinegar.. not in the mood to cut my cuke though. im way too lazy to eat most of the time. today i was hungry from 11am till 9 when candace got home with my mcdonalds. i did have 2 pieces of cheese around 4pm, though. and since the burgers, i had one zebra cake and a brownie. a cosmic brownie. it was a little bit too much for me. i realllly want some fudge. if we go to ac, i better get some fudge out of it. they must have a boardwalk there, and no boardwalk is complete without fudge.
ok. im going to go take out my contacts....
alright i just ate four more pieces of cheese. sorry michael, i know you bought groceries for you bc you practically live here, but you cannot leave cheese around me. i am addicted to it. if i left beer at his house, i would not expect it to still be there when i went back.
*cough, cough*
its 1232. this is taking longer than usual for the boy. last message was att 1157. they have typically been like 20 or 25 minutes apart. see, i wanna go to bed, but i wanna talk to him a little more. i wish he would respond quicker. i do wanna watch conan though, so all is not lost. brandy is on leno. i forgot about her. she is wearing hipster pumps. i think. they appear to be gold.this is a terrible outfit. brandy got back. i never noticed before.
i want to have a cough drop, but they make my coca-cola taste like ass. and i sliced my tongue on the subway this morning, bc my cough drop had one of those holes in it. you know. the kind that slice yr mouth. like a paper cut on yr tongue. ouch! so im trying to stay away from the drops. they are honey lemon. mmm. i wanted to the cherry with goo inside, but they didnt have any. i will probably go through my whole bag of cough drops at work tomorrow. i am working at 430 in NB2. woo. thats good money. maybe if im lucky, derek will be there. but i doubt it. the more likely man i'll be working with is lee harvey. oh well. lee will do.
1239. if he doesnt respond in the next 20 mins, i will resend my last text message. i dont feel obsessive when i do it, cos he does it to me all the time. the other day he waited 8 minutes before re-messaging me. so there.
my towels came out very fluffy today. i put lots of fabric softener in there, and i cannot wait to get clean tomorrow. the toweling off shall be splendid. i kinda cleaned my room before, i folded the mess of clothing around my bed. but i didnt hang anything up. i almost had the motivation to go to the dollar store and buy some hangers, but then i thought what the hell. im moving in two months tops, so i need to take everything off hangers and pack it soon anyway. and they are all t-shirts, which i do not wear in summer, so they arent causing me any stress. im thinking abou starting to pack soon. it doesnt make sense to start so soon, but.. i dont have that much stuff. so maybe its not important. i have books and bathroom crap.. pots, dishes.. grr. this is going to suck. im not even sure what is mine anymore. weve lived together for THREE years. i think the mirror in the living room is mine. the tvs, the dvds, the vcr, all the video games, and most of the movies are mine. the lamp is mine, the vases are mine. most of the candle holders and scented oil things are mine. one of makeshift end tables is mine. i will pack my dishes in there, i think. its a little plastic tupperware thing with drawers. right now it just houses random crap that i would regularly have kept in a desk. this place is going to be so empty without me. her bathroom will no longer be crowded with my crap.. my bathroom will reman cluttered, since i have a ridiculous amount of hair care products. the living room will be practically empty. shell have her one makeshift end table, her futon, the rug, and the shelves that the tv and dvd and vcr are on. however, the shelves will be bare. most of the cds are mine. she'll have stefs old, broken stereo. i want to buy her good mourning before i move, bc i think she will miss alkaline trio without me. and she listens to that cd when i am not home, as well, so i want her to have her own. the step stool is mine, she'll probably have to get a new one. the key rack is mine, but i will likely leave it for her. the coat rack is mine, and i will probably leave that, as well, since it has been drilled into the wall. maybe i will get a coat tree when i move. maybe i will have a hall closet.
anyway. that was mindless blabber, wasnt it? ha. if anyone of you random people who read this are still reading, i will assume you are very very bored.
1252. almost time for me to be able to post this! woo. i should perhaps come up with some lyrics for the beginning of my post. ... ok i chose plow lyrics that have been in my head since sunday when we drove to the beach and i put on my punk rock mix tape that i made in 1997.
i just remessaged the enigma. lets see if i hear back. i have an hour to stay awake. my eyes are very tired, and itchy. and i feel like i need to sneeze more. i have no crosswords left. i could try the dictionary.com ones. eh. im not motivated.
ok well blogger should be available again now, its 104am. let me go see... aight. i shall now work on sidebar.
xoxo
Subscribe to Comments [Atom]