Friday, July 23, 2004
*best wishes have been made for you. you never had no say its true. you have to be the cutest gravedigger ive ever seen. and all your lonely nights in the city of lights are much like all these crowded bars i so often find my stupid self-stumbling through.*
alkaline trio
my belly hurts. kind of a lot. its upsetting me. i think westway tried to kill me.
so.. im still having the bad feeling. i cant shake it, i keep thinking about him walking out of my life again. it hurts already. i dont understand why im feeling this way. i was talking about it with lee, and he was like "you will see him again!" but how does he know? grrr. i dont know, im really confused and scared and .. i dont know. i texted him this afternoon to say hi.. i told him i kept having a bad feeling, and he said he hoped it goes away quick. then later, i was kinda sore all night tonight, and work was reallllly busy so i was like running around and in a lot of pain, and at the end of the night, i was sitting in a booth and i texted him "i think you broke me" and he was like awww whats wrong and we exchanged a few texts, so i mean, he isnt being weird, but he is being sort of aloof. twice i have told him i miss him, and twice he hasnt responded to it. sooo. i dont know. maybe i shall give him space. i will not text him again. i dont know what to do about anything anymore.
in other news, my new free checking account debit card came in the mail today. yay. so now i can go to citibank and deposit my $700 check to myself, and officially have it out of my bill paying check account. i cannot explain how exciting this is for me. i was thinking maybe i would do my banking tomorrow, but then i realized if i really thought that, i would be on crack. there is NO WAY i will wake up tomorrow, before 1pm, wanting to get dressed and go to the bank before coming home and getting ready for my 5pm shift tomorrow. as usual, i will do my banking on my way to or from therapy on tuesday. i have to get my funds in order. this whole moving thing is coming upon me quickly. i am *sure* my mom will lend me the $575 security if candace doesnt have a roommate to give it to me by the time i leave.. if i get a place thats $1000, i will need to have $2000 by sept 1.. so thats like $1425 more than i think i have right now. its almost aug 1, and that will be my last months rent here. i think i have rent plus a little extra right now. ive paid most of my bills. this could go easily for me.
onward and upward..
so last night was alright, i guess. i met up with kim at the malibu diner on like 930. before i got there, i went to barnes and noble and i got fight club, invisible monsters, and survivor. i think i shall finish fight club tonight, i have 15 pages left. then tomorrow i will start invisible monsters. i will be reading the same book as the boy in that case, which makes me kind of happy. so.. i met up with kim and we had mozzerella sticks yum bc they are the best in the city.. she had her usual grilled cheddar bathed in tobasco, and i got fettucine alfredo. we played catch up, and then we went to chevys so she could see some people she missed, such as melissa and gregg. then over to smith's. the saint az boys met us there, as did jesse, lee, and gonzo. jesse was upsetting me by leaning on me, and i didnt feel too good, so i was irritable. i didnt want to drink, and i had nothing to say to anyone. kim got kinda drunk and was hanging all over gonzo, even though she broke up with him two days ago bc she is now going out with LI jesse.. so. i dunno. that was annoying me, cos she's always coming down on the enigma for having feelings for two girls, when meanwhile, SHE has feelings for two boys! and she is leading one on! anyway. so i kinda sat there and didnt drink and everyone kept making faces at me. then we left, and baxter was hugging me and he wouldnt let go bc my hoodie was terrycloth and he apparently loves terrycloth. it was kind of cute. sooo kim and i walked over to like madison or something and we caught a cab. chatted for a little, went to bed. she got up at like 1130 this morning and left to go shopping in the city for her new job.
(drinking stopped being fun when derek decided to not hang out anymore.)
ive been typing for forty minutes. i feel like i have said little to nothing. i feel like i wanna smoke again. i feel like i wanna go to bed. but alas, i only woke up at 430. oops. see, i set my alarm for 2, but i went back to sleep. and i swear i woke up at like 330, but i must have immediately fallen back to sleep bc i woke up and it was 430 and i had to be at work in half hour. which caused me stress, since i now had to call and announce my lateness to management. grrr. so yah. i slept like 11 or so hours and now ive only been awake 11 or so hours, and i just do not see myself falling asleep soon. but. there is no one online, there is nothing to do. im listening to maybe ill catch fire. "sleepyhead" is on. i suppose i could read any of the 10 forwards my grandfather sent me. they disturb me, those forwards. they are always sexual (which is way weird from my GRANDFATHER) or republican propaghanda. which i am opposed to. naturally.
so ive decided to im carmine. i do not know why. i really have zero interest in conducting a conversation with him.
grrr. this is painful. i wish i could just take some sleeping pills and sleeeeep, but that is irresponsible. maybe ill watch a movie, like girls just wanna have fun. i got that for my birthday or christmas or something, and i have yet to watch it. i dont exactly feel like watching anything though.
i wish the tv in my room worked.
i wish i had crayons and a coloring book.
i wish i had the enigma boy in my house or in my life.
i wish i could sleep.
alkaline trio
my belly hurts. kind of a lot. its upsetting me. i think westway tried to kill me.
so.. im still having the bad feeling. i cant shake it, i keep thinking about him walking out of my life again. it hurts already. i dont understand why im feeling this way. i was talking about it with lee, and he was like "you will see him again!" but how does he know? grrr. i dont know, im really confused and scared and .. i dont know. i texted him this afternoon to say hi.. i told him i kept having a bad feeling, and he said he hoped it goes away quick. then later, i was kinda sore all night tonight, and work was reallllly busy so i was like running around and in a lot of pain, and at the end of the night, i was sitting in a booth and i texted him "i think you broke me" and he was like awww whats wrong and we exchanged a few texts, so i mean, he isnt being weird, but he is being sort of aloof. twice i have told him i miss him, and twice he hasnt responded to it. sooo. i dont know. maybe i shall give him space. i will not text him again. i dont know what to do about anything anymore.
in other news, my new free checking account debit card came in the mail today. yay. so now i can go to citibank and deposit my $700 check to myself, and officially have it out of my bill paying check account. i cannot explain how exciting this is for me. i was thinking maybe i would do my banking tomorrow, but then i realized if i really thought that, i would be on crack. there is NO WAY i will wake up tomorrow, before 1pm, wanting to get dressed and go to the bank before coming home and getting ready for my 5pm shift tomorrow. as usual, i will do my banking on my way to or from therapy on tuesday. i have to get my funds in order. this whole moving thing is coming upon me quickly. i am *sure* my mom will lend me the $575 security if candace doesnt have a roommate to give it to me by the time i leave.. if i get a place thats $1000, i will need to have $2000 by sept 1.. so thats like $1425 more than i think i have right now. its almost aug 1, and that will be my last months rent here. i think i have rent plus a little extra right now. ive paid most of my bills. this could go easily for me.
onward and upward..
so last night was alright, i guess. i met up with kim at the malibu diner on like 930. before i got there, i went to barnes and noble and i got fight club, invisible monsters, and survivor. i think i shall finish fight club tonight, i have 15 pages left. then tomorrow i will start invisible monsters. i will be reading the same book as the boy in that case, which makes me kind of happy. so.. i met up with kim and we had mozzerella sticks yum bc they are the best in the city.. she had her usual grilled cheddar bathed in tobasco, and i got fettucine alfredo. we played catch up, and then we went to chevys so she could see some people she missed, such as melissa and gregg. then over to smith's. the saint az boys met us there, as did jesse, lee, and gonzo. jesse was upsetting me by leaning on me, and i didnt feel too good, so i was irritable. i didnt want to drink, and i had nothing to say to anyone. kim got kinda drunk and was hanging all over gonzo, even though she broke up with him two days ago bc she is now going out with LI jesse.. so. i dunno. that was annoying me, cos she's always coming down on the enigma for having feelings for two girls, when meanwhile, SHE has feelings for two boys! and she is leading one on! anyway. so i kinda sat there and didnt drink and everyone kept making faces at me. then we left, and baxter was hugging me and he wouldnt let go bc my hoodie was terrycloth and he apparently loves terrycloth. it was kind of cute. sooo kim and i walked over to like madison or something and we caught a cab. chatted for a little, went to bed. she got up at like 1130 this morning and left to go shopping in the city for her new job.
(drinking stopped being fun when derek decided to not hang out anymore.)
ive been typing for forty minutes. i feel like i have said little to nothing. i feel like i wanna smoke again. i feel like i wanna go to bed. but alas, i only woke up at 430. oops. see, i set my alarm for 2, but i went back to sleep. and i swear i woke up at like 330, but i must have immediately fallen back to sleep bc i woke up and it was 430 and i had to be at work in half hour. which caused me stress, since i now had to call and announce my lateness to management. grrr. so yah. i slept like 11 or so hours and now ive only been awake 11 or so hours, and i just do not see myself falling asleep soon. but. there is no one online, there is nothing to do. im listening to maybe ill catch fire. "sleepyhead" is on. i suppose i could read any of the 10 forwards my grandfather sent me. they disturb me, those forwards. they are always sexual (which is way weird from my GRANDFATHER) or republican propaghanda. which i am opposed to. naturally.
so ive decided to im carmine. i do not know why. i really have zero interest in conducting a conversation with him.
grrr. this is painful. i wish i could just take some sleeping pills and sleeeeep, but that is irresponsible. maybe ill watch a movie, like girls just wanna have fun. i got that for my birthday or christmas or something, and i have yet to watch it. i dont exactly feel like watching anything though.
i wish the tv in my room worked.
i wish i had crayons and a coloring book.
i wish i had the enigma boy in my house or in my life.
i wish i could sleep.
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