Saturday, July 24, 2004
i cant think of any lyrics. its because i have "faithfully" by journey in my head, cos i was looking at my myspace profile, and i saw mike's comment about the road not being the place to start a family. you know. our journey bond. soo.
work was lame. it was steady, but it was raining, which encouraged camping and not eating. many people just had drinks. low checks. i got a few bad tips, some crappy british people. one guy left $27 for his $26.21 check. thanks, asshole. i ended up making but $136 on my friday night in the bar. i should have made like $50 more. i talked to rebecca and katrina all night. it was interesting. rebecca and i talked about the enigma, she is very involved in my drama for some reason. she always wants to know. so i tell her. because it provides me with an outlet. even though this girl whom i mean nothing to hates him, just as my friends do. perhaps i should wise up. nah.
um, twon visited me at work tonight. he had to go be on the radio with his band (m-lab) in times square, so he stopped by and we smoked a cigarette together. he hasnt slept in like a week. im feeling bad for him. we made plans for monday. i was supposed to come home from LI monday, but i think i will return sunday night instead. maybe ill see if mike wants to go to the beach monday morning, then ill come back to the city in the evening to hang out with twon. that kinda makes sense.
i called my mom this morning and i talked to her about my possible uti. she has some cipro at home, so i am going to take it tomorrow when i get there. my body is kind of freaking me out. see, like i said yesterday, its not that i have the frequent urgency, its more like i have only half the symptoms. so im definitely going to planned parenthood this week to have my yearly exam, and im going to ask them to check me for stds.. kim has it in my head that this could be something serious. she is soooo paranoid about stds, she constantly thinks she and everyone else has one. ok, not to be gross, but the first time i went to the ryan center for the uti i got in early june, they did a lab test on my urine. and when i went back the next week due to the same problem again, i saw the same doctor, and he said that last time my urine has tested positive for E.coli, which is the most common cause of a uti. now, through the course of my discussion with kimberly, she and i researched some common stds, like chlamydia. they are caused by bacteria, as well, and have similar symptoms to a uti, but most of the time the symptoms do not show up. ok. so then i remembered that last time i was there, at the ryan center i mean, the doctor told me that he would check my urine to see what caused the uti, and if there was anything abnormal, he would get in touch with me. and he didnt.. so.. i mean, wouldnt it be a red flag to a doctor for a patient to have two uti's in two weeks? wouldnt he want to check to see what bacteria was causing it? and wouldnt he have called me if there had been anything besides E.coli in my urine? well, i think he would. i think he would check for the bacteria that causes things like chlamydia and gonnorhea. so im feeling pretty secure in my not having an std, but since kim is freaking me out, i am going to be tested to make sure. and i guess it would prove fruitful to go into planned parenthood and tell them that ive been getting utis every time i have sex, and see if maybe they can determine the cause of my discomfort. maybe i am joining the group of women who are just susceptible to utis.. i was reading about them, and some women have to take a single dose of antibiotic after every single time they have sex to ensure they dont get a uti. that would suck, but at least i would know what i had to do.
it is soo sticky in my apartment. its like 438am, and i have work at noon. which means i have to get up at 1045. oops. you know, i feel like this happens every friday night. i get home from work and i blog, and i bitch about how little sleep im going to get. like its something new. and it isnt! every single friday night i get between two and five hours sleep. sometimes i get six, but honestly i cannot remember the last time i went to bed by 5 for a noon shift. i dont know, maybe last friday? i might have gotten six hours last week. its unimportant. ill probably go to bed at like 530, fall asleep around 6, and sleep around 5 hours. woo. i am going to come home from work, pick out something nice to wear sunday for my aunts graduation party, smoke some, and then head out to jamaica for the lirr. i figure i will leave work tomorrow arounf 630 or 7, get home by 8, be out by 830, on a train by 10, and home by 11. i may try to speed up this process a bit, though. i dont wanna get home too too late, cos i do wanna see my momma for a few minutes. even though i will be spending plenty of time with her next week, as we have plans to go look at apartments on the 2nd. but regardless, i do wanna see mom tomorrow, and so id like to get home asap. perhaps i should pick out my clothes tonight.. i dont know. i guess i should not wear a short skirt. i will probably go with the white h&m skirt i wear on all formal occasions that occur in the warmer months, like ams baby shower and graduation and the such. i can wear that with absolutely any tank top i own. and i can wear my brown shoes or i can just wear flip flops. i can wear jeans or shorts home, and i wont have to worry. ok now thats settled.
tonight i was thinking about how bad i just wanna be married. i dont want to date anymore. i dont want to meet boys or anything, i just want to be with the right man for the rest of my life. i wanna have a permanent buddy, not this sometimes casual affair i have going on. especially because im not the only one for him. and he isnt, for me, either. but i would like us to be each others only one. i would like to not sleep with anyone else anymore, literally and figuratively. i mean, id like to share a home and a life with someone. i dont wanna be just gille anymore. im fucking 24 years old. i know that im still young and shit, but i want to have babies, and i want to have THREE, so, you know, its important that i get started on that soon. and if i met the man of my dreams tomorrow, figure it would be 2 years till i was engaged (26), another year before i was married (27), and then id wanna wait at least like 2-4 more years before we had a baby, bc babies are big stress on a new marriage, and we would have to be able to afford the baby. so what, thats like 29-31 already. jesus. i dont wanna wait that long! i wanna have a babbbbbbbbyyyyyyyy. im so retarded, i swear. i just think it would be cool to have something growing inside me, and then to watch that thing grow up. ok maybe im just being delusional bc its 448am and i am very tired. but i really do want to be married. and have a baby.
my neck and shoulders hurt. i need to make $100 tomorrow. id like to make $150. i think i have a paycheck at chevys. my last one was for like 28 cents. seriously. i didnt even deposit it. right now my deposit is at $800 even for two weeks. not bad. if i make $100 tomorrow, then i can probably deposit at least $850, having $50 spending money until tuesday. thats not bad. if i have a check at work and its around $45 (the usual two week pay), then i can deposit almost $900. i paid all three credit cards, plus my sprint bill and my bally dues (grrrr, im not even going to get into how i paid $62.60 per month for the past three years and went to the gym approximately 9 times), and i even renewed my jane subscription for two years. i think i have like $99 left on my bally dues, bc i paid $150 and my bill says i owe $248 in full, so that leaves $98 and i think there were some cents involved. so i think i will send them $50, just to be sure that i dont overpay. i will need approximately $550 for this months bills.. $100 to capital one (which is somehow maxed at $500 eternally, bc i always forget to pay on time, since i pay online. i think i owe them like $400 right now), $100 to bank one (i have finally paid down to like $500 on that card!! it was maxed at $1000 for like a YEAR, and now i havent used it in months, and i pay on time every month and i pay at least $100, and im sooo excited!) and $200 to chase (bc that one is at like $4500 and the balance does not change since i can barely afford the finance charges).. then $70 to sprint, and $50 for my half of our bills here at home. to, $520. plus my rent, $575.. that all comes to... $1095. ugh. if i deposit $900 tuesday, then my account balance will be around $1300. which leaves only $200 leftover toward that at least $2000 figure i estimated for moving expenses. BUT it is still july 24. therefore, i presently have $200 toward moving, and i have approximately 4 weeks to come up with $1300 more. yah i dont know if i can do this. im going to have to work hard and try not to spend too much money. i suppose if worse came to worst i could delve into my $700 safety account. grrr. oh you lovely people, i pity you for having to read through my financial difficulties. but lest i repeat myself: this is not for you, this is for me, and you do not have to read my stupid boring blog. lest i repeat myself? did i even use that correctly? eh.
its 515 now. i read some of invisible monsters in the cab on my way home from work. i am now up to chapter 3. thats page 32 of 297. hmm. tomorrow i will probably get a lot of pages out of the way. i will take the subway both to and from work, which is usually good for about 10-15 pages in either direction. then the subway to jamaica should be good for about 20 pages.. the train to li should get me another 20-30 pages.. and ill probably be bored at home. i told the enigma to call me if he wants to drop by after the wedding he has to attend saturday, but im feeling like i wont be hearing from him. blah blah blah. apparently they are playing in ct on sunday and back to pa on monday. i think he said they were coming home again after that, and then heading out to michigan for a show on friday. tonight they played rockville centre.
ok. this is enough for one night. bedtime for me, its 522, and i have to work tomorrow. maybe i will read for a few minutes before i rest for the night. grr. goooooodnight.
work was lame. it was steady, but it was raining, which encouraged camping and not eating. many people just had drinks. low checks. i got a few bad tips, some crappy british people. one guy left $27 for his $26.21 check. thanks, asshole. i ended up making but $136 on my friday night in the bar. i should have made like $50 more. i talked to rebecca and katrina all night. it was interesting. rebecca and i talked about the enigma, she is very involved in my drama for some reason. she always wants to know. so i tell her. because it provides me with an outlet. even though this girl whom i mean nothing to hates him, just as my friends do. perhaps i should wise up. nah.
um, twon visited me at work tonight. he had to go be on the radio with his band (m-lab) in times square, so he stopped by and we smoked a cigarette together. he hasnt slept in like a week. im feeling bad for him. we made plans for monday. i was supposed to come home from LI monday, but i think i will return sunday night instead. maybe ill see if mike wants to go to the beach monday morning, then ill come back to the city in the evening to hang out with twon. that kinda makes sense.
i called my mom this morning and i talked to her about my possible uti. she has some cipro at home, so i am going to take it tomorrow when i get there. my body is kind of freaking me out. see, like i said yesterday, its not that i have the frequent urgency, its more like i have only half the symptoms. so im definitely going to planned parenthood this week to have my yearly exam, and im going to ask them to check me for stds.. kim has it in my head that this could be something serious. she is soooo paranoid about stds, she constantly thinks she and everyone else has one. ok, not to be gross, but the first time i went to the ryan center for the uti i got in early june, they did a lab test on my urine. and when i went back the next week due to the same problem again, i saw the same doctor, and he said that last time my urine has tested positive for E.coli, which is the most common cause of a uti. now, through the course of my discussion with kimberly, she and i researched some common stds, like chlamydia. they are caused by bacteria, as well, and have similar symptoms to a uti, but most of the time the symptoms do not show up. ok. so then i remembered that last time i was there, at the ryan center i mean, the doctor told me that he would check my urine to see what caused the uti, and if there was anything abnormal, he would get in touch with me. and he didnt.. so.. i mean, wouldnt it be a red flag to a doctor for a patient to have two uti's in two weeks? wouldnt he want to check to see what bacteria was causing it? and wouldnt he have called me if there had been anything besides E.coli in my urine? well, i think he would. i think he would check for the bacteria that causes things like chlamydia and gonnorhea. so im feeling pretty secure in my not having an std, but since kim is freaking me out, i am going to be tested to make sure. and i guess it would prove fruitful to go into planned parenthood and tell them that ive been getting utis every time i have sex, and see if maybe they can determine the cause of my discomfort. maybe i am joining the group of women who are just susceptible to utis.. i was reading about them, and some women have to take a single dose of antibiotic after every single time they have sex to ensure they dont get a uti. that would suck, but at least i would know what i had to do.
it is soo sticky in my apartment. its like 438am, and i have work at noon. which means i have to get up at 1045. oops. you know, i feel like this happens every friday night. i get home from work and i blog, and i bitch about how little sleep im going to get. like its something new. and it isnt! every single friday night i get between two and five hours sleep. sometimes i get six, but honestly i cannot remember the last time i went to bed by 5 for a noon shift. i dont know, maybe last friday? i might have gotten six hours last week. its unimportant. ill probably go to bed at like 530, fall asleep around 6, and sleep around 5 hours. woo. i am going to come home from work, pick out something nice to wear sunday for my aunts graduation party, smoke some, and then head out to jamaica for the lirr. i figure i will leave work tomorrow arounf 630 or 7, get home by 8, be out by 830, on a train by 10, and home by 11. i may try to speed up this process a bit, though. i dont wanna get home too too late, cos i do wanna see my momma for a few minutes. even though i will be spending plenty of time with her next week, as we have plans to go look at apartments on the 2nd. but regardless, i do wanna see mom tomorrow, and so id like to get home asap. perhaps i should pick out my clothes tonight.. i dont know. i guess i should not wear a short skirt. i will probably go with the white h&m skirt i wear on all formal occasions that occur in the warmer months, like ams baby shower and graduation and the such. i can wear that with absolutely any tank top i own. and i can wear my brown shoes or i can just wear flip flops. i can wear jeans or shorts home, and i wont have to worry. ok now thats settled.
tonight i was thinking about how bad i just wanna be married. i dont want to date anymore. i dont want to meet boys or anything, i just want to be with the right man for the rest of my life. i wanna have a permanent buddy, not this sometimes casual affair i have going on. especially because im not the only one for him. and he isnt, for me, either. but i would like us to be each others only one. i would like to not sleep with anyone else anymore, literally and figuratively. i mean, id like to share a home and a life with someone. i dont wanna be just gille anymore. im fucking 24 years old. i know that im still young and shit, but i want to have babies, and i want to have THREE, so, you know, its important that i get started on that soon. and if i met the man of my dreams tomorrow, figure it would be 2 years till i was engaged (26), another year before i was married (27), and then id wanna wait at least like 2-4 more years before we had a baby, bc babies are big stress on a new marriage, and we would have to be able to afford the baby. so what, thats like 29-31 already. jesus. i dont wanna wait that long! i wanna have a babbbbbbbbyyyyyyyy. im so retarded, i swear. i just think it would be cool to have something growing inside me, and then to watch that thing grow up. ok maybe im just being delusional bc its 448am and i am very tired. but i really do want to be married. and have a baby.
my neck and shoulders hurt. i need to make $100 tomorrow. id like to make $150. i think i have a paycheck at chevys. my last one was for like 28 cents. seriously. i didnt even deposit it. right now my deposit is at $800 even for two weeks. not bad. if i make $100 tomorrow, then i can probably deposit at least $850, having $50 spending money until tuesday. thats not bad. if i have a check at work and its around $45 (the usual two week pay), then i can deposit almost $900. i paid all three credit cards, plus my sprint bill and my bally dues (grrrr, im not even going to get into how i paid $62.60 per month for the past three years and went to the gym approximately 9 times), and i even renewed my jane subscription for two years. i think i have like $99 left on my bally dues, bc i paid $150 and my bill says i owe $248 in full, so that leaves $98 and i think there were some cents involved. so i think i will send them $50, just to be sure that i dont overpay. i will need approximately $550 for this months bills.. $100 to capital one (which is somehow maxed at $500 eternally, bc i always forget to pay on time, since i pay online. i think i owe them like $400 right now), $100 to bank one (i have finally paid down to like $500 on that card!! it was maxed at $1000 for like a YEAR, and now i havent used it in months, and i pay on time every month and i pay at least $100, and im sooo excited!) and $200 to chase (bc that one is at like $4500 and the balance does not change since i can barely afford the finance charges).. then $70 to sprint, and $50 for my half of our bills here at home. to, $520. plus my rent, $575.. that all comes to... $1095. ugh. if i deposit $900 tuesday, then my account balance will be around $1300. which leaves only $200 leftover toward that at least $2000 figure i estimated for moving expenses. BUT it is still july 24. therefore, i presently have $200 toward moving, and i have approximately 4 weeks to come up with $1300 more. yah i dont know if i can do this. im going to have to work hard and try not to spend too much money. i suppose if worse came to worst i could delve into my $700 safety account. grrr. oh you lovely people, i pity you for having to read through my financial difficulties. but lest i repeat myself: this is not for you, this is for me, and you do not have to read my stupid boring blog. lest i repeat myself? did i even use that correctly? eh.
its 515 now. i read some of invisible monsters in the cab on my way home from work. i am now up to chapter 3. thats page 32 of 297. hmm. tomorrow i will probably get a lot of pages out of the way. i will take the subway both to and from work, which is usually good for about 10-15 pages in either direction. then the subway to jamaica should be good for about 20 pages.. the train to li should get me another 20-30 pages.. and ill probably be bored at home. i told the enigma to call me if he wants to drop by after the wedding he has to attend saturday, but im feeling like i wont be hearing from him. blah blah blah. apparently they are playing in ct on sunday and back to pa on monday. i think he said they were coming home again after that, and then heading out to michigan for a show on friday. tonight they played rockville centre.
ok. this is enough for one night. bedtime for me, its 522, and i have to work tomorrow. maybe i will read for a few minutes before i rest for the night. grr. goooooodnight.
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