Tuesday, July 06, 2004
*why dont you stop dyin, before you go and get it right?*
jets to brazil
i had a good weekend. saturday night candace and i went to sea cliff to hang out with mike. we drank some beers, smoked some pot, and played scattergories. we went to bed at like 5.. then sunday we went to the beach for the fourth, it was nice.. i went in the water (woohoo) and i got darker. mike and i got a season pass to tobay beach. it was only $30, so we are going to go weekly for the rest of the summer. anyway so we left the beach at like 6pm. we had dinner at this chinese place in glen cove, then we watched some fireworks. it was really cool, we watched from the cliff and we could see fireworks all over the horizon. it was way cooler than being in brooklyn for the east river ones. after that we headed back to mikes, where we smoked and drank and watched cable. we saw some videos, the 50 most awesomely bad pop songs ever written, and parts of jaws.. went to bed at like 4. today we got up at like 230.. i had a text message from the enigma (more later).. then we went to this diner called henrys in glen cove.. it was really good. we droe around laddingtown and brookville to look at what it looks like to be rich. we tried to guess which house jay z had recently moved into on morngans island. there was this one house with like 5 really nice cars in the driveway, so we think it was that one. or it was beyonce's. they both recently moved there. anyway, then we drove candace back to brooklyn, and mike took me to the train.. and now im at my mothers house. im going to bed in a minute because i dont wanna keep my brother up..
about the enigma.. he messaged me at 4:14am.. which is like 1 where he was (vegas). he was like "we're in vegas and i just saw a billboard for the sahara. is that where you stayed? miss you." and i was like grrr.. i saw it at like 11am.. and i totally went back to sleep. candace was awake, and i go "that was him" and shes like "what are you gonna do?" and i was like "im going back to sleep." and i did.. sooo i woke up and i responded that i did stay at the sahara.. and we started messaging, he kept saying he misses me, and i kept ducking it saying i missed vegas, and he kept saying he wished i was there, and i kept saying i wished i was gambling.. he said "i wish you were here" and kept saying we could walk down the strip together and go swimming.. and i thought it was cute bc he was saying he wished i was there for reasons other than sex, but... of course it changed eventually.. he started by saying it was my fault for always getting to him, and i was like "um, you started it. i was trying not to miss you" so he goes "sorry. ill stop thinking of you then. or actually i wont tell you what im thinking anymore. even if it is good stuff. you know i cant get enough of you." then "i dont think ill ever stop wanting you." then "i totally want you here. i wanna have such a good time with you. arr. wish i was in the car with you. or you were in bed with me. i wanna feel hugs all over." so i accused him of not getting any dirty texts in my absense.. and he was like "no yr the only one i can do that with. you found a replacement for my texts?" i asked him if he messaged me bc his girl doesnt talk dirty.. he said "actually you heard from me cause i saw a billboard for the sahara and you stayed there. i missed you. its a whole other thing that ill always have a super crush on you." so its like weird. but yah. the NEXT MESSAGE was kinda sexual (not for you, sorry) and he goes "seriously you have this way of getting me so worked up. i wish you were here now. not just to go to the hotel. just to have a great time.. then the hotel, hehe." then.. "why arent you here? i wish i could turn you on as well you you do me. you're a fucking goddess. come to vegas.. now." he told me he wants to be the bext i ever had, and "you do wonderful things to me. i want you to tell all yr friends about us.. what i do to you." so i was like "last summer, you wanted to be my secret.." but of course he avoided it and instead said "whenever you hear a conversation about the best sex ever, i want you to instantly think of me" i dont remember what i said, but he was like "i think its just super chemistry. everything is perfect plus im so comfortable with YOU. why arent you here?" so i said "i want you to be able to be the best i ever had" and he was like "what do i have to do to be that for you? i so want to. name it and its yrs." so i said "i dunno its not something physical. its about knowing it means something." but whatever, it turned totally sexual after that. and i am soo mad at myself for letting this happen. i didnt need to do this to myself.. i mean he makes me feel soo goooood but its so fake. he still has a girlfriend who he isnt honest with. and he still uses me as his safe girl.. not his real girl. and i dont know how much longer i can be the other woman before i get torn apart. im already being destroyed.
anyway that will be all. im sleepy.
jets to brazil
i had a good weekend. saturday night candace and i went to sea cliff to hang out with mike. we drank some beers, smoked some pot, and played scattergories. we went to bed at like 5.. then sunday we went to the beach for the fourth, it was nice.. i went in the water (woohoo) and i got darker. mike and i got a season pass to tobay beach. it was only $30, so we are going to go weekly for the rest of the summer. anyway so we left the beach at like 6pm. we had dinner at this chinese place in glen cove, then we watched some fireworks. it was really cool, we watched from the cliff and we could see fireworks all over the horizon. it was way cooler than being in brooklyn for the east river ones. after that we headed back to mikes, where we smoked and drank and watched cable. we saw some videos, the 50 most awesomely bad pop songs ever written, and parts of jaws.. went to bed at like 4. today we got up at like 230.. i had a text message from the enigma (more later).. then we went to this diner called henrys in glen cove.. it was really good. we droe around laddingtown and brookville to look at what it looks like to be rich. we tried to guess which house jay z had recently moved into on morngans island. there was this one house with like 5 really nice cars in the driveway, so we think it was that one. or it was beyonce's. they both recently moved there. anyway, then we drove candace back to brooklyn, and mike took me to the train.. and now im at my mothers house. im going to bed in a minute because i dont wanna keep my brother up..
about the enigma.. he messaged me at 4:14am.. which is like 1 where he was (vegas). he was like "we're in vegas and i just saw a billboard for the sahara. is that where you stayed? miss you." and i was like grrr.. i saw it at like 11am.. and i totally went back to sleep. candace was awake, and i go "that was him" and shes like "what are you gonna do?" and i was like "im going back to sleep." and i did.. sooo i woke up and i responded that i did stay at the sahara.. and we started messaging, he kept saying he misses me, and i kept ducking it saying i missed vegas, and he kept saying he wished i was there, and i kept saying i wished i was gambling.. he said "i wish you were here" and kept saying we could walk down the strip together and go swimming.. and i thought it was cute bc he was saying he wished i was there for reasons other than sex, but... of course it changed eventually.. he started by saying it was my fault for always getting to him, and i was like "um, you started it. i was trying not to miss you" so he goes "sorry. ill stop thinking of you then. or actually i wont tell you what im thinking anymore. even if it is good stuff. you know i cant get enough of you." then "i dont think ill ever stop wanting you." then "i totally want you here. i wanna have such a good time with you. arr. wish i was in the car with you. or you were in bed with me. i wanna feel hugs all over." so i accused him of not getting any dirty texts in my absense.. and he was like "no yr the only one i can do that with. you found a replacement for my texts?" i asked him if he messaged me bc his girl doesnt talk dirty.. he said "actually you heard from me cause i saw a billboard for the sahara and you stayed there. i missed you. its a whole other thing that ill always have a super crush on you." so its like weird. but yah. the NEXT MESSAGE was kinda sexual (not for you, sorry) and he goes "seriously you have this way of getting me so worked up. i wish you were here now. not just to go to the hotel. just to have a great time.. then the hotel, hehe." then.. "why arent you here? i wish i could turn you on as well you you do me. you're a fucking goddess. come to vegas.. now." he told me he wants to be the bext i ever had, and "you do wonderful things to me. i want you to tell all yr friends about us.. what i do to you." so i was like "last summer, you wanted to be my secret.." but of course he avoided it and instead said "whenever you hear a conversation about the best sex ever, i want you to instantly think of me" i dont remember what i said, but he was like "i think its just super chemistry. everything is perfect plus im so comfortable with YOU. why arent you here?" so i said "i want you to be able to be the best i ever had" and he was like "what do i have to do to be that for you? i so want to. name it and its yrs." so i said "i dunno its not something physical. its about knowing it means something." but whatever, it turned totally sexual after that. and i am soo mad at myself for letting this happen. i didnt need to do this to myself.. i mean he makes me feel soo goooood but its so fake. he still has a girlfriend who he isnt honest with. and he still uses me as his safe girl.. not his real girl. and i dont know how much longer i can be the other woman before i get torn apart. im already being destroyed.
anyway that will be all. im sleepy.
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