Tuesday, August 03, 2004
*i cant find myself.. i cant find myself.. i cant find myself.. i cant find myself.. i got lost in someone else..*
the cure
aaaah, did you miss me? i know at&t bell laboratories did, because s/he checked my blog like nine hundred thousand times in the past few days. sorry i havent posted, i know you were obviously anxious to hear the next chronicle of my stupid life. "let me tell you bout my stupid life" thats a mr. t experience lyric. rock.
ok. so i guess yr, like, dying for the news. big disappointment there: i aint got none. well, i guess i do. soooooo.. um, the last time i posted was technically still part of thursday. except for the two liner about the cure.
friday: lame. i worked in the bar, i think, in night bar 2. it wasnt very good, i was irritable. i got stiffed TWICE by motherfuckers. then at 1am, i went upstairs to ask gregg when he was going to cut, and there were police officers up there. so i investigated, and found out that janet was having a panic attack/heart attack.. i went into the back hallway to see her, and she was freaking out a little, and i asked her if she wanted to go outside and get some air since it was reall hot in the hall. so she took my hand and as we were walking out, the EMTs came.. they wanted to take her to the ER to make sure she wasnt having a heart attack (she was having chest pain and tingling in her left arm). so she was freaking out bc she was going to have to go alone, and i was like "i'll go" and i told gregg. he was mad. i cashed out anyway, and i left without doing any sidework. YAY. i rode in the ambulance to st. vincents, and they checked her out. i hung out with janet in her little partition and we chatted.. she kept telling me how awesome it was that i dropped everything and went with her, and it showed her how true of a friend i am, and that she wants to keep in touch with me for the rest of our lives. it made me feel good. janet and me are funny.. brief background.. she is one of the ESPN new people, which by default made me not like her in the beginning since she was getting the good shifts and i was getting shit on. so the first time we worked together was the night that lee and KJ and i went on strike, and she thought i was a bitch, but then she though i was really nice, and we started talking and she and i are pretty good work friends now. she is like 28.. or almost 28, and she is divorced with two babies. her daughter is like 5, and her son is 2. we are very unlikely friends. she just moved back to NY from guatamala (she is guatamalan, but was born in nyc) two years ago, and she just had a bad breakup and stuff. we bonded though, and i like her a lot. so i will keep in touch with her. when i got home, mike was over since we were going to see the cure the next day. he was like "what the hell? ive never heard you talk about janet before" like he knows *everything* in my life. but i guess he's right. i never really talked about her. she's a work friend. but i mean, work friends can become real life friends. like miss kim! you know.
alright, moving along. soooo i took a cab home from the hospital and when i got there, candace was still up. she had called me the night before to tell me that crazy michelle (as opposed to michelle crawley. must differentiate michelles) had seen gale harold aka brian kinney from queer as folk aka hot hot hot man dropping off pics at a photo store to be picked up on saturday. so the plan was that candace and crazy michelle would go back there all day sat to spy him. cos they are celeb stalkers. sooo i asked her if she was excited to stalk gale tomorrow, and she was like "yah, im not going" and i was like "WHAT?!" and it turns out that alex bought her a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a madonna ticket for sunday in MIAMI! therefore, she was flying out to FL sat instead. with alex. to see madonna. CRAZY! so we went through all my skirts and stuff for her trip, and then at 5am we all three went to kelloggs. it was PACKED. bar crowd/club crowd. all were drunk. service was terrible, as per usual. candace started to fall asleep in her milkshake so we went home. she went to bed. mike and i did something.. i forget what. i think we talked in bed or something. slept at like 730.
saturday: so ryan calls me at 1pm to tell me that we are leaving for randall's island at 3/330. he was driving. i went back to sleep and mike got up at like 230 and showered. i got up at 3, showered, and went down to meet ryry since he lives next door, in case you forgot. went to randall's island.. when we got there some band was playing. we didnt care. mogwai played first on the main stage. ugh, no me gusta!! no lyrics!! what use is that?!? so i sat on the grass with my shoes off while ryan and mike and sarah watched. then melissa auf du mar (heh, melissa from the sea?) or someone (i think it was her band) played the second stage, and the four of us just chilled on the grass. mike got me a snowcone. it was precisely those colors, but then it turned.. purple! and mike was like "wow, its purple" and i was like "wow, blue and red make...." ahahaha. anyway. then the rapture played. they, too, sucked. they sounded like 1982. i swear it was just another version of "girls on film" (duran duran for all you hipsters who think these bands are at all original). soooo i got bored and i decided to go brave the portapoddy and make my way over the the second stage for the illustrious thursday. they only played six songs, boo. they played "understanding (in a car crash)" and "how long is the night?" (from which i got the name of my blog), and 4 songs from war all the time.. the division street song.. and i forget which else. i think they played "war all the time". perhaps i will give that cd another chance, michael really liked them live. i felt like i won a battle there. soooo then we went back to the main stage and watched interpol. (sidenote: like how i put all the shit bands in green? ha). they were terrible. mike said they weren't very good live. i think they arent very good ever. also completely unoriginal, and sounded like 1982. buuuut. muse played on the second stage after so the crowd moved away, and mike and i made our way to the fron to wait for the cure to play! so we stood there for like 45 minutes waiting, and it was hot, and the cockucker behind me wouldnt let mike come stand with me. but finally the minutes went away and there was bob, making me so gidddddddddddddy! he had his hair all done, and red lipstick, you know. robert smith is way hot, i dont care what you think. he is old and decripit, yes, but hot hot hot. they opened with the song i put above. they played mostly songs from the new cd and the bastard middle cds. not bastard as in they are bad, just bastard as in they never play those songs. soooo. old songs they played: "lovesong" "just like heaven" "inbetween days" "fascination street" "from the edge of the deep green sea" "primary" "a forest" "m" "play for today" "boys dont cry" (!!!) "10:15 on a saturday night" ... i feel like that might have been it. they played "primary" "a forest" and "m" on the first encore. they played "boys dont cry" and "10:15" on the second/final encore. bob looked like he would cry again, walking all slowly away from the stage and glancing back at the crowd. he was like "thank you! fucking fabulous audience!" and i was like "I LOVE YOU BOB!" you know. dude, i danced for an hour and forty-five minutes straight. my stomach *still* aches like i did nine hundred sit-ups. especially during "from the edge.." jesus, i went crazy. no one else was dancing. the kid in front of me smelled sooo bad. not like BO or anything, just gross. and i kept breathing him in. i thought i would vomit. for a short time i was able to get next to him and not have to smell him, but then he got back in front of me and his frizzy curls were all up in my shit and i wanted to heave.
ANYHOO. after, we met up with ryan and sarah again and headed for the car, which we couldnt really find. but obviously we did, eventually. its weird, i dont remember that walk or anything from warped tour in 97. who knows. after the drive, ryan went to get his ATM card and then we all four went to kelloggs. ryan was hugely disappointed that they didnt have his gyro burger deluxe (waiter: "we no have. it say on menu, but we no have. i dont know why.") the same thing happened with my chocolate pudding. fuckers, seriously. i made nice with sarah and i talked to her and shit. mike said he didnt think she liked me. well, duh. i am generally not so nice to her. *i* dont like *her*. but i didnt mind her as much at the diner. soooo we waited like an hour for our check. it was annoying. so ryan dropped off mike and i at the deli where i got toilet paper and some girly drinks (which i didnt even drink, woo) and mike got his usual 6 pack of bud longnecks. we walked back to the apartment, and we broke out the cards. we played crazy eights while listening to loud music (sorry neighbors) until like 8am.
sunday: we got up at like 3. mike showered. i didnt. he was all bugging me to hurry up and that im slow. which i am. so we finally left my apartment and headed out to sea cliff. met up with mikes friend jess and her gf amanda, and we went to st rooco's italian feast in geln cove. got some zeppolis (MMMMM) and some watermelon. then we said byebye to his friends and went to get dinner at this italian place called stango's. it was good. i convinced him to drive me back to my moms, and we went to his house so he could pow wow with his sister about the construction that was happening in the morning (hes getting a new kitchen in his house.. theyve been working since like last summer). i took a nap while he did that, then we got up and drove out here. we went to westhampton beach and tried to get to the beach, but it was all resort-like places. kim called me and told me her boy drama, and mike drove, and then we got hassled by a cop who asked if we were lost. we were like "yah, we're just going to get back on the expressway" and headed out. went to the california diner (YAY), where we had some dessert (a ton of dessert, actually). we shared a banana split, chocolate pudding, and slice of marble cheesecake. had some coffee. came back here. he came in and we watched beavis & butthead, then we watched true life: i got baby mama drama, which was abruptly cut off, so we dont know who got custody of which kids. after that i cant remember what we watched. oooh cops. it was terrible. then it was 5, so he left my place and went home to await the workers who would be arriving (but never showed up). and i went to sleep.
monday: ok so yesterday i got up at like 12, and i went to look at apartments with my momma. we went to this place in selden.. they apartments are HUGE! its $1150 a month (boo), but they have a pool and a fitness center and common building, and the apartments are big and pretty. the super showed us around and he was super nice, which made me want to live there sooo bad. but alas, there are but 4 units available, and its only august 3, so im sure they will fill up before i have a chance to snag them. but he said someone on the second floor was moving out sept 1, so in theory i could snag that. then we looked at these other apartments in nesconset, the rental office was not open, but my mom talked to a tenant who said it was young and big and nice. so she (mom) is going to call again and perhaps stop by and see them, and find out if there are any units available. i would take either one. the ones in nesconset were $1100, which is cheaper, and also closer to the enigma's house (oh, im so stupid to be weighing this as a factor, i know). buuut i really liked the super at the selden ones. so we shall see. ok so after that was all done, i went with my mom to pick up an alternator at the parts store, and then we came home. i talked to kim, who told me that jesse broke up with her.. long story, but in a nutshell, he texted (not CALLED) her last tues and said they had to talk, then avoided her till she just showed up at his house yesterday and made him tell her.. and basically he has feelings for someone else, so she is bummed bc she didnt wanna be involved with him cos she knew this would happen, but he broke her down after like 4 months of asking her to be his gf constantly, and then bam! three weeks later, hes out. so she is pissed and upset, bc she trusted him. sooo i borrowed moms car and drove out to huntington. i picked up kim at her house (she doesnt know how to drive on highways yet, so she couldnt come out here), and we went to the walt whitman mall. i got a watch to cover my tattoo, and we went to claires where we bought some funny happy bunny merchandise including best friends charm bracelets that say "you're icky" on them and lip balm that says "making out is fun AND gross." i also got some magnets, with colorful phrases, such as: "you're ugly and thats sad" and "it worries me how dumb you are." after that we went to tower, where we ran into jesse (kims new ex, in case you forgot already). he started talking to her, then she introduced me, and he goes "hi, im jesse. oh, shit. you probably hate me right now. bye!" and like ran out of the store. way mature. so we went and purchased a shitload of cassette tapes for her car and for mikes car, and i got the new cure cd. then i dropped her home bc she is sick and was crapping out, and also bc i had to come back to o get linda's car, since emilys car got stolen on saturday and my moms truck is broken.. they tried to replace the alternator, but i think they broke the new one immediately or something. so i had no method of transport to get to my interview, and linda was in maine, so i borrowed her car. linda is my dads woman. sooo thats what i did. came back here, got the car, came home, read more of journal of the dead, which i havent had time for in like 3 days (GRR!). heard from the boy at like 1214 or something.. he apparently had a good dream about me, and so we were talking and he scammed an employee discount at some best western in ohio, i have no idea how, esp since he is quiet. im thinking someone else scammed it, and he benefitted, but he said "i" not "we" so.. whatever, we had a nice dirty conversation, so i guess he hasnt lost all feelings for me, which i thought he had since i barely heard from him the past two weeks. he was all talking about how he cant wait till i get my new place so we can be together all the time blah blah blah. verbal vomit.
5am, this morning: had an AWFUL nightmare. i kept waking up and falling back into it.. i was with my mom in her car and we were parking across the street from my house, and this guy tried to use a crowbar to get into the car, but he couldnt, and she was soo calm. so finally he went away and i heard someone say :i dont want to have to do this to jill"... ok so in my dream, i was groggy (much like my subway debacle dream from a few months ago), and it was weird cos i remember he said "jill" and i thought "j-i-l-l" in my head. but so we (mom and i) get into the house and i see this other guy who resembles michael myers (halloween) from behind totally destroying my beretta. it was all smashed in and turned upside down, and i connected "jill" to "gille"and i started freaking out, and my mom was still really calm. then all the sudden there were two more people outside, whom the MM lookalike proceded to hit in the head with a blunt object and then run over. like seriously RUN OVER, with the wheels, over the whole body, from head to toe. and, in my dream, i just stood there, crying, feeling hopeless and helpless, which is how i woke up. then i fell back asleep, and we were in the car again, mom and i, except this time we were parking around the block. and there were all these semi trucks, and i was freaking out bc they were going to get us (not the trucks, the crazy people) and we had to go so far, but my mom was confident, and we got out and kind of slunk along the trucks.. and as we were running to the house, i woke up again, full of despair and practically in tears. so i looked at my phone and it was 502am.. the last text i sent the enigma was at 402am, so it had only been an hour. i felt like it had been soooo long though. i got up and took my pillow and went into my moms room. i was like "im laying down here" and she was like "why?" and i said bc i was having nightmares. so i laid there for like 3 minutes, and then i realized sleep was not in my future, and sleeping there would only make me have to wake up when she gets up for work, which was soon, and besides, im 24 years old, i dont need to go to my moms bed. so i got up and shes like "where are you going?" and i said i couldnt sleep and i didnt wanna wake her up with my moving around, and she was like "im fine" but i said goodnight and went back to my bed, where i stared at the wall for a while, and then finally fell into a non-nightmare sleep. i think that what happens is that i dont fully wake up when im having this nightmares that continue, and if i fully wake up and get up, then i can fall asleep and have a different, new dream.
which brings us to today! i had my interview at northport.. it went ok. i was confident without being cocky, i admitted that i was new and that i wasnt sure what i would do in some cases, and that i would probably seek the advice of a senior teacher before acting in some situations, like if a student is really disrespectful and stuff. i think they appreciated that, they were smiling and nodding the whole time. i felt comfortable. however, i have no self-esteem, so i inherently thought that everything i was saying was stupid. they said that they were conducting all the interviews today, so i figure they probably had like 20 candidates, and there are 3.4 positions availble.. i think that they have like 2 full-time and 2 part-time, or maybe its 3 f/t and 2 p/t.. regardless, they said that the 3.4 was the result of 2 p/t positions. he (the dept chair) said that after they were through with their interviews, they would discuss amongst themselves, and the next step of the process would be that the smaller group of selected people would return on thursday to do a real live demo lesson for a summer school class. i figure i will hear from them tomorrow. i would assume that they would call me either way, that is the polite thing to do. i think i will e-mail the guy in a minute, though, to thank him, and that would be nice of me.
now i am home. i took the long way, 25A, and i got lost in kings park, and then again in smithtown. not lost lost, but 25A makes all these retarded turns, so its hard to follow if yr not on the ball. which i obviously wasnt. i still have to return linda's car, my brother was supposed to be beack from the car show an hour ago, but it didnt rain so they stayed. i need a rode back from my dads though. i think i just heard the firebird. hmm.
i was wrong. not here. this sucks. i really want to take the 1011 train, but im thinking thats impossible. i wanna smoke before i get on the train, which requires my brother to drive me.. i suppose i could smoke on the way to my dads and then have him drive me, but shit. then i have to talk to my dad stoned, which NEVER works out. so i might just have to wait till 1058 when my train gets to mineola. in that case, i can eat, leave here at like 9, and have my dad take me to the train. who knows. i dont think im going to make it. grr.
anyway. i just typed like a million words. it is now 810 and i started this at 548 (duh, the post time).. my fingers kinda hurt from typing so much, but i was talking to twon and ryan and antonia which delayed my writing time. however, michael is sleeping over tonight, so i wont be able to write anything. i havent done a crossword since thursday. i spend too much time with him. but if i do it when he is there, he helps me, which annoys me, since i dont want no stinkin help.
maybe ill call my dad and see if he will return me to here if i bring the car over now. hmmmm..
the cure
aaaah, did you miss me? i know at&t bell laboratories did, because s/he checked my blog like nine hundred thousand times in the past few days. sorry i havent posted, i know you were obviously anxious to hear the next chronicle of my stupid life. "let me tell you bout my stupid life" thats a mr. t experience lyric. rock.
ok. so i guess yr, like, dying for the news. big disappointment there: i aint got none. well, i guess i do. soooooo.. um, the last time i posted was technically still part of thursday. except for the two liner about the cure.
friday: lame. i worked in the bar, i think, in night bar 2. it wasnt very good, i was irritable. i got stiffed TWICE by motherfuckers. then at 1am, i went upstairs to ask gregg when he was going to cut, and there were police officers up there. so i investigated, and found out that janet was having a panic attack/heart attack.. i went into the back hallway to see her, and she was freaking out a little, and i asked her if she wanted to go outside and get some air since it was reall hot in the hall. so she took my hand and as we were walking out, the EMTs came.. they wanted to take her to the ER to make sure she wasnt having a heart attack (she was having chest pain and tingling in her left arm). so she was freaking out bc she was going to have to go alone, and i was like "i'll go" and i told gregg. he was mad. i cashed out anyway, and i left without doing any sidework. YAY. i rode in the ambulance to st. vincents, and they checked her out. i hung out with janet in her little partition and we chatted.. she kept telling me how awesome it was that i dropped everything and went with her, and it showed her how true of a friend i am, and that she wants to keep in touch with me for the rest of our lives. it made me feel good. janet and me are funny.. brief background.. she is one of the ESPN new people, which by default made me not like her in the beginning since she was getting the good shifts and i was getting shit on. so the first time we worked together was the night that lee and KJ and i went on strike, and she thought i was a bitch, but then she though i was really nice, and we started talking and she and i are pretty good work friends now. she is like 28.. or almost 28, and she is divorced with two babies. her daughter is like 5, and her son is 2. we are very unlikely friends. she just moved back to NY from guatamala (she is guatamalan, but was born in nyc) two years ago, and she just had a bad breakup and stuff. we bonded though, and i like her a lot. so i will keep in touch with her. when i got home, mike was over since we were going to see the cure the next day. he was like "what the hell? ive never heard you talk about janet before" like he knows *everything* in my life. but i guess he's right. i never really talked about her. she's a work friend. but i mean, work friends can become real life friends. like miss kim! you know.
alright, moving along. soooo i took a cab home from the hospital and when i got there, candace was still up. she had called me the night before to tell me that crazy michelle (as opposed to michelle crawley. must differentiate michelles) had seen gale harold aka brian kinney from queer as folk aka hot hot hot man dropping off pics at a photo store to be picked up on saturday. so the plan was that candace and crazy michelle would go back there all day sat to spy him. cos they are celeb stalkers. sooo i asked her if she was excited to stalk gale tomorrow, and she was like "yah, im not going" and i was like "WHAT?!" and it turns out that alex bought her a plane ticket, a hotel room, and a madonna ticket for sunday in MIAMI! therefore, she was flying out to FL sat instead. with alex. to see madonna. CRAZY! so we went through all my skirts and stuff for her trip, and then at 5am we all three went to kelloggs. it was PACKED. bar crowd/club crowd. all were drunk. service was terrible, as per usual. candace started to fall asleep in her milkshake so we went home. she went to bed. mike and i did something.. i forget what. i think we talked in bed or something. slept at like 730.
saturday: so ryan calls me at 1pm to tell me that we are leaving for randall's island at 3/330. he was driving. i went back to sleep and mike got up at like 230 and showered. i got up at 3, showered, and went down to meet ryry since he lives next door, in case you forgot. went to randall's island.. when we got there some band was playing. we didnt care. mogwai played first on the main stage. ugh, no me gusta!! no lyrics!! what use is that?!? so i sat on the grass with my shoes off while ryan and mike and sarah watched. then melissa auf du mar (heh, melissa from the sea?) or someone (i think it was her band) played the second stage, and the four of us just chilled on the grass. mike got me a snowcone. it was precisely those colors, but then it turned.. purple! and mike was like "wow, its purple" and i was like "wow, blue and red make...." ahahaha. anyway. then the rapture played. they, too, sucked. they sounded like 1982. i swear it was just another version of "girls on film" (duran duran for all you hipsters who think these bands are at all original). soooo i got bored and i decided to go brave the portapoddy and make my way over the the second stage for the illustrious thursday. they only played six songs, boo. they played "understanding (in a car crash)" and "how long is the night?" (from which i got the name of my blog), and 4 songs from war all the time.. the division street song.. and i forget which else. i think they played "war all the time". perhaps i will give that cd another chance, michael really liked them live. i felt like i won a battle there. soooo then we went back to the main stage and watched interpol. (sidenote: like how i put all the shit bands in green? ha). they were terrible. mike said they weren't very good live. i think they arent very good ever. also completely unoriginal, and sounded like 1982. buuuut. muse played on the second stage after so the crowd moved away, and mike and i made our way to the fron to wait for the cure to play! so we stood there for like 45 minutes waiting, and it was hot, and the cockucker behind me wouldnt let mike come stand with me. but finally the minutes went away and there was bob, making me so gidddddddddddddy! he had his hair all done, and red lipstick, you know. robert smith is way hot, i dont care what you think. he is old and decripit, yes, but hot hot hot. they opened with the song i put above. they played mostly songs from the new cd and the bastard middle cds. not bastard as in they are bad, just bastard as in they never play those songs. soooo. old songs they played: "lovesong" "just like heaven" "inbetween days" "fascination street" "from the edge of the deep green sea" "primary" "a forest" "m" "play for today" "boys dont cry" (!!!) "10:15 on a saturday night" ... i feel like that might have been it. they played "primary" "a forest" and "m" on the first encore. they played "boys dont cry" and "10:15" on the second/final encore. bob looked like he would cry again, walking all slowly away from the stage and glancing back at the crowd. he was like "thank you! fucking fabulous audience!" and i was like "I LOVE YOU BOB!" you know. dude, i danced for an hour and forty-five minutes straight. my stomach *still* aches like i did nine hundred sit-ups. especially during "from the edge.." jesus, i went crazy. no one else was dancing. the kid in front of me smelled sooo bad. not like BO or anything, just gross. and i kept breathing him in. i thought i would vomit. for a short time i was able to get next to him and not have to smell him, but then he got back in front of me and his frizzy curls were all up in my shit and i wanted to heave.
ANYHOO. after, we met up with ryan and sarah again and headed for the car, which we couldnt really find. but obviously we did, eventually. its weird, i dont remember that walk or anything from warped tour in 97. who knows. after the drive, ryan went to get his ATM card and then we all four went to kelloggs. ryan was hugely disappointed that they didnt have his gyro burger deluxe (waiter: "we no have. it say on menu, but we no have. i dont know why.") the same thing happened with my chocolate pudding. fuckers, seriously. i made nice with sarah and i talked to her and shit. mike said he didnt think she liked me. well, duh. i am generally not so nice to her. *i* dont like *her*. but i didnt mind her as much at the diner. soooo we waited like an hour for our check. it was annoying. so ryan dropped off mike and i at the deli where i got toilet paper and some girly drinks (which i didnt even drink, woo) and mike got his usual 6 pack of bud longnecks. we walked back to the apartment, and we broke out the cards. we played crazy eights while listening to loud music (sorry neighbors) until like 8am.
sunday: we got up at like 3. mike showered. i didnt. he was all bugging me to hurry up and that im slow. which i am. so we finally left my apartment and headed out to sea cliff. met up with mikes friend jess and her gf amanda, and we went to st rooco's italian feast in geln cove. got some zeppolis (MMMMM) and some watermelon. then we said byebye to his friends and went to get dinner at this italian place called stango's. it was good. i convinced him to drive me back to my moms, and we went to his house so he could pow wow with his sister about the construction that was happening in the morning (hes getting a new kitchen in his house.. theyve been working since like last summer). i took a nap while he did that, then we got up and drove out here. we went to westhampton beach and tried to get to the beach, but it was all resort-like places. kim called me and told me her boy drama, and mike drove, and then we got hassled by a cop who asked if we were lost. we were like "yah, we're just going to get back on the expressway" and headed out. went to the california diner (YAY), where we had some dessert (a ton of dessert, actually). we shared a banana split, chocolate pudding, and slice of marble cheesecake. had some coffee. came back here. he came in and we watched beavis & butthead, then we watched true life: i got baby mama drama, which was abruptly cut off, so we dont know who got custody of which kids. after that i cant remember what we watched. oooh cops. it was terrible. then it was 5, so he left my place and went home to await the workers who would be arriving (but never showed up). and i went to sleep.
monday: ok so yesterday i got up at like 12, and i went to look at apartments with my momma. we went to this place in selden.. they apartments are HUGE! its $1150 a month (boo), but they have a pool and a fitness center and common building, and the apartments are big and pretty. the super showed us around and he was super nice, which made me want to live there sooo bad. but alas, there are but 4 units available, and its only august 3, so im sure they will fill up before i have a chance to snag them. but he said someone on the second floor was moving out sept 1, so in theory i could snag that. then we looked at these other apartments in nesconset, the rental office was not open, but my mom talked to a tenant who said it was young and big and nice. so she (mom) is going to call again and perhaps stop by and see them, and find out if there are any units available. i would take either one. the ones in nesconset were $1100, which is cheaper, and also closer to the enigma's house (oh, im so stupid to be weighing this as a factor, i know). buuut i really liked the super at the selden ones. so we shall see. ok so after that was all done, i went with my mom to pick up an alternator at the parts store, and then we came home. i talked to kim, who told me that jesse broke up with her.. long story, but in a nutshell, he texted (not CALLED) her last tues and said they had to talk, then avoided her till she just showed up at his house yesterday and made him tell her.. and basically he has feelings for someone else, so she is bummed bc she didnt wanna be involved with him cos she knew this would happen, but he broke her down after like 4 months of asking her to be his gf constantly, and then bam! three weeks later, hes out. so she is pissed and upset, bc she trusted him. sooo i borrowed moms car and drove out to huntington. i picked up kim at her house (she doesnt know how to drive on highways yet, so she couldnt come out here), and we went to the walt whitman mall. i got a watch to cover my tattoo, and we went to claires where we bought some funny happy bunny merchandise including best friends charm bracelets that say "you're icky" on them and lip balm that says "making out is fun AND gross." i also got some magnets, with colorful phrases, such as: "you're ugly and thats sad" and "it worries me how dumb you are." after that we went to tower, where we ran into jesse (kims new ex, in case you forgot already). he started talking to her, then she introduced me, and he goes "hi, im jesse. oh, shit. you probably hate me right now. bye!" and like ran out of the store. way mature. so we went and purchased a shitload of cassette tapes for her car and for mikes car, and i got the new cure cd. then i dropped her home bc she is sick and was crapping out, and also bc i had to come back to o get linda's car, since emilys car got stolen on saturday and my moms truck is broken.. they tried to replace the alternator, but i think they broke the new one immediately or something. so i had no method of transport to get to my interview, and linda was in maine, so i borrowed her car. linda is my dads woman. sooo thats what i did. came back here, got the car, came home, read more of journal of the dead, which i havent had time for in like 3 days (GRR!). heard from the boy at like 1214 or something.. he apparently had a good dream about me, and so we were talking and he scammed an employee discount at some best western in ohio, i have no idea how, esp since he is quiet. im thinking someone else scammed it, and he benefitted, but he said "i" not "we" so.. whatever, we had a nice dirty conversation, so i guess he hasnt lost all feelings for me, which i thought he had since i barely heard from him the past two weeks. he was all talking about how he cant wait till i get my new place so we can be together all the time blah blah blah. verbal vomit.
5am, this morning: had an AWFUL nightmare. i kept waking up and falling back into it.. i was with my mom in her car and we were parking across the street from my house, and this guy tried to use a crowbar to get into the car, but he couldnt, and she was soo calm. so finally he went away and i heard someone say :i dont want to have to do this to jill"... ok so in my dream, i was groggy (much like my subway debacle dream from a few months ago), and it was weird cos i remember he said "jill" and i thought "j-i-l-l" in my head. but so we (mom and i) get into the house and i see this other guy who resembles michael myers (halloween) from behind totally destroying my beretta. it was all smashed in and turned upside down, and i connected "jill" to "gille"and i started freaking out, and my mom was still really calm. then all the sudden there were two more people outside, whom the MM lookalike proceded to hit in the head with a blunt object and then run over. like seriously RUN OVER, with the wheels, over the whole body, from head to toe. and, in my dream, i just stood there, crying, feeling hopeless and helpless, which is how i woke up. then i fell back asleep, and we were in the car again, mom and i, except this time we were parking around the block. and there were all these semi trucks, and i was freaking out bc they were going to get us (not the trucks, the crazy people) and we had to go so far, but my mom was confident, and we got out and kind of slunk along the trucks.. and as we were running to the house, i woke up again, full of despair and practically in tears. so i looked at my phone and it was 502am.. the last text i sent the enigma was at 402am, so it had only been an hour. i felt like it had been soooo long though. i got up and took my pillow and went into my moms room. i was like "im laying down here" and she was like "why?" and i said bc i was having nightmares. so i laid there for like 3 minutes, and then i realized sleep was not in my future, and sleeping there would only make me have to wake up when she gets up for work, which was soon, and besides, im 24 years old, i dont need to go to my moms bed. so i got up and shes like "where are you going?" and i said i couldnt sleep and i didnt wanna wake her up with my moving around, and she was like "im fine" but i said goodnight and went back to my bed, where i stared at the wall for a while, and then finally fell into a non-nightmare sleep. i think that what happens is that i dont fully wake up when im having this nightmares that continue, and if i fully wake up and get up, then i can fall asleep and have a different, new dream.
which brings us to today! i had my interview at northport.. it went ok. i was confident without being cocky, i admitted that i was new and that i wasnt sure what i would do in some cases, and that i would probably seek the advice of a senior teacher before acting in some situations, like if a student is really disrespectful and stuff. i think they appreciated that, they were smiling and nodding the whole time. i felt comfortable. however, i have no self-esteem, so i inherently thought that everything i was saying was stupid. they said that they were conducting all the interviews today, so i figure they probably had like 20 candidates, and there are 3.4 positions availble.. i think that they have like 2 full-time and 2 part-time, or maybe its 3 f/t and 2 p/t.. regardless, they said that the 3.4 was the result of 2 p/t positions. he (the dept chair) said that after they were through with their interviews, they would discuss amongst themselves, and the next step of the process would be that the smaller group of selected people would return on thursday to do a real live demo lesson for a summer school class. i figure i will hear from them tomorrow. i would assume that they would call me either way, that is the polite thing to do. i think i will e-mail the guy in a minute, though, to thank him, and that would be nice of me.
now i am home. i took the long way, 25A, and i got lost in kings park, and then again in smithtown. not lost lost, but 25A makes all these retarded turns, so its hard to follow if yr not on the ball. which i obviously wasnt. i still have to return linda's car, my brother was supposed to be beack from the car show an hour ago, but it didnt rain so they stayed. i need a rode back from my dads though. i think i just heard the firebird. hmm.
i was wrong. not here. this sucks. i really want to take the 1011 train, but im thinking thats impossible. i wanna smoke before i get on the train, which requires my brother to drive me.. i suppose i could smoke on the way to my dads and then have him drive me, but shit. then i have to talk to my dad stoned, which NEVER works out. so i might just have to wait till 1058 when my train gets to mineola. in that case, i can eat, leave here at like 9, and have my dad take me to the train. who knows. i dont think im going to make it. grr.
anyway. i just typed like a million words. it is now 810 and i started this at 548 (duh, the post time).. my fingers kinda hurt from typing so much, but i was talking to twon and ryan and antonia which delayed my writing time. however, michael is sleeping over tonight, so i wont be able to write anything. i havent done a crossword since thursday. i spend too much time with him. but if i do it when he is there, he helps me, which annoys me, since i dont want no stinkin help.
maybe ill call my dad and see if he will return me to here if i bring the car over now. hmmmm..
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