Tuesday, August 17, 2004
*i don't really care if im healthy or not just clean my head up doc ill give you anything you want*
alkaline trio
my eyes are totally bothering me right now. and so is my belly. i am unhappy about both.
i have been posting so infrequently lately. its weird. i mean to post, i do, but i just dont. i cant remember what i said last. i cant remember when i posted last.. oooh it was saturday night and i was drunk. and it posted three times. looks like i will have to fix that when i finish this.
so saturday was ok. work was awful, i had a huge debacle involving the manager in training and being sat too much and not being able to give good service bc of the retardedness that is my workplace. there were tears involved, i was so overworked. i came home and i wanted to nap, so i did, and i overslept, but then i got up and showered and all that jazz. went up to the parlour where i met myspace mike, who looks exactly like his photos, i spotted him immediately. we have been talking since like february or march, i guess, and it was about time that we met face to face. it was fun, we had some beers and talked and i met a bunch of his friends, since i had gone to a party with him.. after a while the party was beat, so we got in a cab and went down to doc holidays in the village. had another beer, we were both pretty drunk. and i was tired, so after a little while i decided to go home, so he hailed me a cab. i came home, all drunk, texting with the enigma about wanting him here and all that.. talked to twon. i think i made no sense. but i had a good time, and i wish we had gotten some drinks earlier bc i would have liked to hang out more. its not like im moving far, but still. i am moving far enough. i finally went to bed after i talked to mike for a little while..
sunday was good too.. it was twons bday, so i met up with him in union square at 6ish. i slept all day which made me really happy.. so yah, we met up at 6, and he got tickets to see garden state. he already saw it, and he wanted me to see it, and he thought i wouldnt see it if it wasnt with him, so we went. and it was realllllly good. i totally cried a lot. and i got jealous, as usual, i wished it was me in the movie, i wished someone would love me like that. but of course no. i am not deserving of such affections. after the movie we walked over to gramercy cafe and had some cake for his bday. then i went home bc he had to get on the subway before the train got retarded and wouldnt drop him off by his apartment. it was a good day, and you should totally see garden state if you havent.
so i got home and mike came over. we played scrabble, and i kicked his ass, as if that were anything new hahaha. i think it was like 172 to 289 or something. we talked and listened to music, and then we went to bed. my original plan was to go to li yesterday, but i didnt bc i still havent been offered a job at northport.. so i dont feel like i should get my new place yet. i have like $1200 in my regular account, i have paid all my bills for the month, and i have my $600 security coming.. so at this point, i am not going to put a deposit on a new place till monday. if i can make the same amount of money next week as i made this week, i will be set. i was able to deposit $450 last week, despite my frivolous spending.. so if i just doont spend this week, i can have like 1700 or something, plus the security, which is what, 2300... plus my 700 in the vacation account.. im feeling slightly secure right now. my mom is going to pay one month security for me, and just get it back when i move out, and i can probably borrow some money from my dad. anyway. so instead of going to li, i called northport and i talked to the guy and he said that everything is really good, but the writing sample is done through HR and thats the last step. i figure i have to hear from them this week, bc he said i would have to meet with the director of HR, and then she has to sumbit me to the board of ed to be approved to start teaching in the fall, and the BOE meeting is on aug 23.. soooo i figure that i will hear tomorrow or thursday, and have to then go into the HR dept to talk to the lady on thurs or fri, depending.. mike said he would come get me whatever night and drive me to my moms after work, that way i could go in to the school the next morning and then my mom said i could take the truck to brooklyn.. so i would drive myself back and go to work. then i have to go back to li on either sunday or monday so i can get the apartment, and i can put a bunch of boxes in the truck and move them in advance to sort of lighten to the load of moving on the 28th a little.. pack up books and other misc stuff i dont really need. last night i packed up the extraneous non hanger clothing i have.. i still need a suitcase for the stuff in my dresser. i was thinking i could maybe even just take out the drawers and not even unpack them.. just move them full. anyway. so we took a walk to wiliamsburg and i got a smoothie that was sooooooo gooooood. then we walked back and went to this little diner on manhattan ave.. i had some quiche it was pretty good. he had grilled cheese. we went to blockbuster and rented 1984, came here, i packed a little, and he read. we watched the movie, and i was kinda impressed, it followed the book pretty closely. he got drunk. we went to bed, but he didnt want to sleep so we talked for a few hours, told secrets and had some intense discussions.. and then we were tired so we slept.
i had therapy today, it was ok. i am really sad, i miss my therapist already. i told her that next week will probably be my last session and she was like noooooo. so i told her to start working saturdays and i would still come. and i also said i would come in during school breaks for a session.. but how on earth can we keep up then? its going to be so hard. im going to be lost without her. shes the only constant ive had in my life for the past years. i brought her fight club today, and i will probably just let her keep it. i was like 'ive written in it, i apologize.. you'll understand why i underlined what i did, though, i mean.. yr my therapist' and we laughed.
so mike just left like 30 minutes ago. i have to work at 430, so im leaving in like 20 minutes. i texted the enigma earlier to see if he has finished the perks of being a wallflower, but he never got back to me. whatever. kim berly is supposed to visit me at work tonight.. bah.
i finished fear and loathing in las vegas a couple days ago. the movie follows the book pretty well, too, actually. today i started reading crime and punishment. its not as tedious as i was expecting, but its a slow read. the type is like 8 point, so i am only up to like page 14, and there are 560+ pages in the book.. a lot of pointless dialogue so far. maybe its not pointless, but it is a wee bit on the tedious side. but i am not repulsed by it, so we shall see how far into i get before i give up. perhaps i wont give up.
alright. i have to call cynthia to see if she can stop by my job today or tomorrow, and then i have to get out of here. perhaps i will eat when i get to work. my stomach keeps growling, but i feel really uneasy, so i dont want to eat. im afraid it will go right through me. im feeling quite anxious right now. i think maybe i had too much coffee on an empty stomach. i was thinking about smoking to calm my nerves, but im really low and also there are going to be corporate people there today, so i should go sober.
ok. im gonna play benny for a minute and then get going. xoxo.
alkaline trio
my eyes are totally bothering me right now. and so is my belly. i am unhappy about both.
i have been posting so infrequently lately. its weird. i mean to post, i do, but i just dont. i cant remember what i said last. i cant remember when i posted last.. oooh it was saturday night and i was drunk. and it posted three times. looks like i will have to fix that when i finish this.
so saturday was ok. work was awful, i had a huge debacle involving the manager in training and being sat too much and not being able to give good service bc of the retardedness that is my workplace. there were tears involved, i was so overworked. i came home and i wanted to nap, so i did, and i overslept, but then i got up and showered and all that jazz. went up to the parlour where i met myspace mike, who looks exactly like his photos, i spotted him immediately. we have been talking since like february or march, i guess, and it was about time that we met face to face. it was fun, we had some beers and talked and i met a bunch of his friends, since i had gone to a party with him.. after a while the party was beat, so we got in a cab and went down to doc holidays in the village. had another beer, we were both pretty drunk. and i was tired, so after a little while i decided to go home, so he hailed me a cab. i came home, all drunk, texting with the enigma about wanting him here and all that.. talked to twon. i think i made no sense. but i had a good time, and i wish we had gotten some drinks earlier bc i would have liked to hang out more. its not like im moving far, but still. i am moving far enough. i finally went to bed after i talked to mike for a little while..
sunday was good too.. it was twons bday, so i met up with him in union square at 6ish. i slept all day which made me really happy.. so yah, we met up at 6, and he got tickets to see garden state. he already saw it, and he wanted me to see it, and he thought i wouldnt see it if it wasnt with him, so we went. and it was realllllly good. i totally cried a lot. and i got jealous, as usual, i wished it was me in the movie, i wished someone would love me like that. but of course no. i am not deserving of such affections. after the movie we walked over to gramercy cafe and had some cake for his bday. then i went home bc he had to get on the subway before the train got retarded and wouldnt drop him off by his apartment. it was a good day, and you should totally see garden state if you havent.
so i got home and mike came over. we played scrabble, and i kicked his ass, as if that were anything new hahaha. i think it was like 172 to 289 or something. we talked and listened to music, and then we went to bed. my original plan was to go to li yesterday, but i didnt bc i still havent been offered a job at northport.. so i dont feel like i should get my new place yet. i have like $1200 in my regular account, i have paid all my bills for the month, and i have my $600 security coming.. so at this point, i am not going to put a deposit on a new place till monday. if i can make the same amount of money next week as i made this week, i will be set. i was able to deposit $450 last week, despite my frivolous spending.. so if i just doont spend this week, i can have like 1700 or something, plus the security, which is what, 2300... plus my 700 in the vacation account.. im feeling slightly secure right now. my mom is going to pay one month security for me, and just get it back when i move out, and i can probably borrow some money from my dad. anyway. so instead of going to li, i called northport and i talked to the guy and he said that everything is really good, but the writing sample is done through HR and thats the last step. i figure i have to hear from them this week, bc he said i would have to meet with the director of HR, and then she has to sumbit me to the board of ed to be approved to start teaching in the fall, and the BOE meeting is on aug 23.. soooo i figure that i will hear tomorrow or thursday, and have to then go into the HR dept to talk to the lady on thurs or fri, depending.. mike said he would come get me whatever night and drive me to my moms after work, that way i could go in to the school the next morning and then my mom said i could take the truck to brooklyn.. so i would drive myself back and go to work. then i have to go back to li on either sunday or monday so i can get the apartment, and i can put a bunch of boxes in the truck and move them in advance to sort of lighten to the load of moving on the 28th a little.. pack up books and other misc stuff i dont really need. last night i packed up the extraneous non hanger clothing i have.. i still need a suitcase for the stuff in my dresser. i was thinking i could maybe even just take out the drawers and not even unpack them.. just move them full. anyway. so we took a walk to wiliamsburg and i got a smoothie that was sooooooo gooooood. then we walked back and went to this little diner on manhattan ave.. i had some quiche it was pretty good. he had grilled cheese. we went to blockbuster and rented 1984, came here, i packed a little, and he read. we watched the movie, and i was kinda impressed, it followed the book pretty closely. he got drunk. we went to bed, but he didnt want to sleep so we talked for a few hours, told secrets and had some intense discussions.. and then we were tired so we slept.
i had therapy today, it was ok. i am really sad, i miss my therapist already. i told her that next week will probably be my last session and she was like noooooo. so i told her to start working saturdays and i would still come. and i also said i would come in during school breaks for a session.. but how on earth can we keep up then? its going to be so hard. im going to be lost without her. shes the only constant ive had in my life for the past years. i brought her fight club today, and i will probably just let her keep it. i was like 'ive written in it, i apologize.. you'll understand why i underlined what i did, though, i mean.. yr my therapist' and we laughed.
so mike just left like 30 minutes ago. i have to work at 430, so im leaving in like 20 minutes. i texted the enigma earlier to see if he has finished the perks of being a wallflower, but he never got back to me. whatever. kim berly is supposed to visit me at work tonight.. bah.
i finished fear and loathing in las vegas a couple days ago. the movie follows the book pretty well, too, actually. today i started reading crime and punishment. its not as tedious as i was expecting, but its a slow read. the type is like 8 point, so i am only up to like page 14, and there are 560+ pages in the book.. a lot of pointless dialogue so far. maybe its not pointless, but it is a wee bit on the tedious side. but i am not repulsed by it, so we shall see how far into i get before i give up. perhaps i wont give up.
alright. i have to call cynthia to see if she can stop by my job today or tomorrow, and then i have to get out of here. perhaps i will eat when i get to work. my stomach keeps growling, but i feel really uneasy, so i dont want to eat. im afraid it will go right through me. im feeling quite anxious right now. i think maybe i had too much coffee on an empty stomach. i was thinking about smoking to calm my nerves, but im really low and also there are going to be corporate people there today, so i should go sober.
ok. im gonna play benny for a minute and then get going. xoxo.
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