is it too late to heal?

im tired, so im going to bed. but it was weird today on the train, i felt like that the girl behind me might have been talking to the laura on the phone. she said his name, and the drama seemed similar. i wasnt like, listening to her conversation, so i dont know for sure, but i got this weird feeling about it. i texted him at like 3, bc i was bored and mike went to bed, but he didnt respond. then i started thinking that perhaps he is home for the night, since they are off. but i dont think so. they were in ohio last night, and they are supposed to play i think western ohio tomorrow night.. so.. i dont know. he was probably asleep, thats all. hes supposed to be home sunday.. i know i wont hear from him. i havent said i wanted to see him, either, bc i dont want to be disappointed. i dont think they are home again till mid september after this weekend, and i think its better for me that way. maybe when i move i will also move on with my life and i wont need to see him anymore by then.. two months will have passed. not that that has ever changed anything in the past. the thing that is changing things is my new location. but im not sure that will change anything, either. im kind of sure it wont.

i have excess phlegm right now. i wish i could kick this cold. i fucking hate summer colds, they stay forever bc of the humidity. im sooo over the humidity, by the way.. its been gross this week. cold and clammy. im sooooo over it. ready for autumn.

alright, one more cigarette then i will sleep.

so i dont know. my mind is (as usual) concentrated on the boy. the internal struggle between moving on and staying on the string. my horoscope says there will be someone i meet tomorrow that will be a love connection. im supposed to take care to look my best when i go out. riiight. im sure i will look gorgeous for therapy. and then for work. and where am i meeting this boy? on the subway? at chevys? weird! oh, wait. im not going to meet him. because my horoscope is never right, except when i went to vegas and it was right on. which was way eerie.

my nose is stuffy! boooo!! i wanna take nyquil, but im really tired anyway, and i dont wanna have trouble waking up.

yo, i so want to go to carlsbad caverns. just so you know. i wanna see the REAL desert.

my neck hurts. whine, whine, whine.

must go to bank tomorrow.. must get home and get ready for work. must rush rush rush all day long. oh, super, its supposed to be humid. im soo tired of my hair being a frizzy puff on the top. i need a fucking haircut.

oh, so im pretty happy about my money situation right now. i have a little more than $900 in my bill paying account, and i have my $600 security.. and my $700 vacation fund, if worse comes to worst.. therefore i only need like $800 more to move! i can do that in two weeks if im really careful.

ok no more cigarette. nite nite!