Saturday, August 14, 2004
*where do i fit in.. in this jigsaw of a relationship.. why should i play the fallguy to yr love? i keep getting snubbed, what dumb luck, what dumb luck..*
cursive
im totally feeling cursive right now. if i wasnt so tired, i would listen to all their records in order. thats really what i feel like doing. it would be super. i will settle for just the ugly organ right now though. since, like i said, i am tired.
i made 200 tonight. actually i made 213, but i tipped the busboys 5 extra, and i bought a frappachino, which cost 5. and i had 3 one dollar bills. soo. YAY. i netted 177 after the diner and cigarettes and the taxi ride home. oooh the pinnochio song is on. i love this song. i relate to it in a weird way. anyway. work was easy. the tips werent spectacular, but i was really cheerful, so i didnt get discouraged. i was verrrry busy from 4-530, and i had already probably made like 50 by the time rodrigo came on and took over section 3 from me. wooooooo. it felt good to make money again. so far this week i have made 470, and i have two shifts left. im banking on 150 tomorrow although its supposed to rain i think.. and ill be happy with 50 on tuesday. that is that.
oh no the whispers song is on. i dont mind it when im on the subway reading or whatnot, but at home at 442am, it freaks me out a little. i passed it. this album is kinda eerie. im positive that was what they were going for. its weird, it sounds soo much different than domestica.
no enigma interaction today. i thought about texting him, but all day i had nothing to say, and i was pretty occupied at work most of the time.
its starting to settle in with all the old chevy's people that im leaving. jim, who is this older waiter, hes maybe like 40ish maybe 50, im bad at telling peoples age... anyway he loves to make me cry, but it doesnt work anymore so ha. but he came over to me tonight and he was like "i changed my mind, you have to stay!" and errol was like "i guess this is goodbye." i was like no... ill see you next week, and the week after.. people are being a little dramatic. i want a fucking cake. monty says i can have a cake, and ice cream cake, and a card.. i suppose people will want to go out post-shift, but we will see. not many people from that place really matter to me enough to demand an outing. perhaps i will plan to visit smith's with a select crowd.. say, derek, jesse, bart, baxter, lee.. gabe, teri, david.. ill invite rebecca.. and anyone else who i care about who happens to be working on august 27th. perhaps i will have heard from janet by then and i can invite her.. oh, and melissa. im sure i am forgetting people, but i would really like to get a last hurrah in nyc before i head out in the moving van.
....wow. two weeks.. im moving two weeks from tomorrow. oh my god. oh my god.. im freaking out a little. i want to go wake up candace and hug her. thats going to be the hardest. i am going to cry so hard. not right now, but in 14 days.. it hasnt really set in yet, but now its starting to.. wow. im not going to see these people anymore. im not going to see monty or anselmo or any of my mexican kitchen friends.. or gil, or walter, or erick.. all of these people are going to fade into my past.. these people ive seen constantly for the past three years. ill get over it. i never see shasta or justin anymore, which is kind of a shame. ill visit.. im not going to totally divorce myself from chevys.. im sure ill still talk to jesse on AIM, and lee says hes going to force me to talk on the phone with him. ill probably talk to twon still, maybe less frequently since i wont be up all night, but we'll still be friends. and of course candace and i will still be close. im going to call her like 2x a week.. she says li is going to be her second home.. so we shall see.. ill probably come in to hang out with bart or derek sometimes.. when i saw derek before he went to chicago, he told me again that i can call him if i ever need to talk about anything at all whatsoever.. he got back from chicago yesterday. he came into work, and he kissed me on the cheek. i gave him a big hug, then i was going to talk to him about the job thing but he left without talking to me. boo. i suppose i will see him next week, he wasnt on this schedule..
argh. this is going to be hard. leaving is going to be intense, and i forsee tearfulness on my last day at chevys, despite how happy i am to be getting out of there. i just have to remember that i need this.. and that i dont want to be in his crazy target of a city anymore.. and that i want to be settled in a life and a job.. and the KITTY!!! the cat is the real goal. (whenever i type the word goal, i always think i accidently typed gaol. but i never did. zany!) and, i mean, when im on li, i will have emily to shop with whenever i feel like it, i can hang out with her and my brother, drop by to see my mom, or my dad.. visit with am and the baby whenever i want, esp bc i will be living like 35 seconds from her, literally.. kim will be just a half hour away, which is like nothing in the car.. katie will be just around the block..
ok i cant think about this anymore its 5 now and i have to get up for work at like 1045. grr. goodnight.
cursive
im totally feeling cursive right now. if i wasnt so tired, i would listen to all their records in order. thats really what i feel like doing. it would be super. i will settle for just the ugly organ right now though. since, like i said, i am tired.
i made 200 tonight. actually i made 213, but i tipped the busboys 5 extra, and i bought a frappachino, which cost 5. and i had 3 one dollar bills. soo. YAY. i netted 177 after the diner and cigarettes and the taxi ride home. oooh the pinnochio song is on. i love this song. i relate to it in a weird way. anyway. work was easy. the tips werent spectacular, but i was really cheerful, so i didnt get discouraged. i was verrrry busy from 4-530, and i had already probably made like 50 by the time rodrigo came on and took over section 3 from me. wooooooo. it felt good to make money again. so far this week i have made 470, and i have two shifts left. im banking on 150 tomorrow although its supposed to rain i think.. and ill be happy with 50 on tuesday. that is that.
oh no the whispers song is on. i dont mind it when im on the subway reading or whatnot, but at home at 442am, it freaks me out a little. i passed it. this album is kinda eerie. im positive that was what they were going for. its weird, it sounds soo much different than domestica.
no enigma interaction today. i thought about texting him, but all day i had nothing to say, and i was pretty occupied at work most of the time.
its starting to settle in with all the old chevy's people that im leaving. jim, who is this older waiter, hes maybe like 40ish maybe 50, im bad at telling peoples age... anyway he loves to make me cry, but it doesnt work anymore so ha. but he came over to me tonight and he was like "i changed my mind, you have to stay!" and errol was like "i guess this is goodbye." i was like no... ill see you next week, and the week after.. people are being a little dramatic. i want a fucking cake. monty says i can have a cake, and ice cream cake, and a card.. i suppose people will want to go out post-shift, but we will see. not many people from that place really matter to me enough to demand an outing. perhaps i will plan to visit smith's with a select crowd.. say, derek, jesse, bart, baxter, lee.. gabe, teri, david.. ill invite rebecca.. and anyone else who i care about who happens to be working on august 27th. perhaps i will have heard from janet by then and i can invite her.. oh, and melissa. im sure i am forgetting people, but i would really like to get a last hurrah in nyc before i head out in the moving van.
....wow. two weeks.. im moving two weeks from tomorrow. oh my god. oh my god.. im freaking out a little. i want to go wake up candace and hug her. thats going to be the hardest. i am going to cry so hard. not right now, but in 14 days.. it hasnt really set in yet, but now its starting to.. wow. im not going to see these people anymore. im not going to see monty or anselmo or any of my mexican kitchen friends.. or gil, or walter, or erick.. all of these people are going to fade into my past.. these people ive seen constantly for the past three years. ill get over it. i never see shasta or justin anymore, which is kind of a shame. ill visit.. im not going to totally divorce myself from chevys.. im sure ill still talk to jesse on AIM, and lee says hes going to force me to talk on the phone with him. ill probably talk to twon still, maybe less frequently since i wont be up all night, but we'll still be friends. and of course candace and i will still be close. im going to call her like 2x a week.. she says li is going to be her second home.. so we shall see.. ill probably come in to hang out with bart or derek sometimes.. when i saw derek before he went to chicago, he told me again that i can call him if i ever need to talk about anything at all whatsoever.. he got back from chicago yesterday. he came into work, and he kissed me on the cheek. i gave him a big hug, then i was going to talk to him about the job thing but he left without talking to me. boo. i suppose i will see him next week, he wasnt on this schedule..
argh. this is going to be hard. leaving is going to be intense, and i forsee tearfulness on my last day at chevys, despite how happy i am to be getting out of there. i just have to remember that i need this.. and that i dont want to be in his crazy target of a city anymore.. and that i want to be settled in a life and a job.. and the KITTY!!! the cat is the real goal. (whenever i type the word goal, i always think i accidently typed gaol. but i never did. zany!) and, i mean, when im on li, i will have emily to shop with whenever i feel like it, i can hang out with her and my brother, drop by to see my mom, or my dad.. visit with am and the baby whenever i want, esp bc i will be living like 35 seconds from her, literally.. kim will be just a half hour away, which is like nothing in the car.. katie will be just around the block..
ok i cant think about this anymore its 5 now and i have to get up for work at like 1045. grr. goodnight.
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